Pregnancy & Parenting

daughter moving out

Pregnancy & Parenting

Posted by: wombi

11th Mar 2011 01:18pm

Just a quick question to all those that have had their "babies" move out of home for the first time. My daughter will be 19 in May and she is leaving home on sunday. I thought I was fine about it, but then I walk past her room at night, or see her on the computer and realise that next week she's not going to be here. I have had nights of crying and really don't know how I am going to get through this. She is my first born and although I know she is not lost to me for good, its just hard letting go. Probably in a few weeks I will be saying can't you stay at your own place and do your own washing....lol. How do other parents cope with kids moving?


Comments 22

Cake67
  • 14th Feb 2012 01:37pm

All the feelings you are having are very normal, may I suggest you make a date with your daughter for coffee, lunch etc for the week after she leaves, if she is moving a long distance away arrange a time to skype or talk on the phone this will give you a foundation that you are going to see and talk to her again shortly thus giving your mind some relief.

Wahinetoa
  • 28th Sep 2011 07:23am

We are blessed with children and then it's time for them to bless others with there presents.
They go but they always know that there is a safe haven that they can return to and that is you and your home.
When they impart to others its all the strengths, the learnings and teaching that they have learnt from there parents.
Being a mother you feel it the most because you have nutured you child/children right through. But it does get easier.
And whatever they do out there to make there mark, just know you had something to do with that.
Have a great day

grajac
  • 23rd Sep 2011 06:02pm

My daughter wanted to move out when she was 15 because she was told at school that if she felt her parents were being too hard on her she could apply to the government for an allowance and live at a "halfway" house . We offered to help her pack after we explained all the things tahat she would have to do for herself. She decided to stay. our bluf worked and she only left home when she got married in her 20's

donkey
  • 22nd Aug 2011 12:59pm

it gets easier, it gets to be routine.
I have had two of my girls move out, long story, but they are only 13. One was always daddys little girl so 9 years after we separated, she moved in with him, the other twin has recently followed.
My partner and I stil have two of mine at home, 9 and 16.
It does get easier, and I tried to remember that sooner or later they would have moved out anyway, they just chose to do it sooner. I have taught them enough and did the hardest thing any mum can do, let them make their own choices knowing I love them and will always be here.
You get into a routine and it becomes "normal", by normal I mean for you and your life and your situation, not having them there became normal.
They still stay every now and then, but life this was has become what is normal for our family.
It did take a few months, okay about 6 actually.... its not easy letting them out into the big wide world.

Anonymous
  • 2nd Jun 2011 02:14pm

moving out is a big thing, i wanted to move out of my mums house into my uncles when i was 17 but she didnt allow me too, so when i finally moved out in november last year just as i turned 18 my mum found it hard. she visited me everyday pretty much and i didnt mind as long as she was okay and i told my two little sisters (aged 8 and 11) that they are welcome to visit anytime. it is hard at first when you move out but its good have have that little extra freedom, i spent 2 months living with my uncle and have since been living with my boyfriend and my mum still comes around and asks if i need her to do anything for me e.g. money wise, washing or cook food for us. i love my mum but i've always been a pretty independant person, but i guess everyone's different when it comes to change :)

Anonymous
  • 26th May 2011 07:33am

The change is the hardest part, I think. You can get used to any new way of life, but it's the transition time that hurts so bad (or so good). I try to feel grateful for every morsel of goodness in my life, knowing that everything good or bad - will pass sooner or later. My eldest is gone, and my 2 littles I cherish, with a bittersweetness of knowing that one day. . .

Yankeedoodle
  • 16th May 2011 09:01am

Mine didn't move out until she was 38 so it wasn't hard to cope at all and besides even though she was living at home with us she was hardly ever around. You know work, boyfriends, etc. She is married now with an 18 month little girl and is finding out real quick what it is like to raise a child. She works at the childrens hospital but it is a big difference than ha ing one around all the time.

Anonymous
  • 21st Mar 2011 10:39am

I have recently moved out of home and i found it just as hard as my mum did. i am also her first born so i understand how it feels. what mum and i both did was just think about what good things are going to happen. by moving out i have been able to grow up a bit. aparently i was always mature but it really stops and makes you think =)
also your relationship will probably end up having a better relationship with her! when you leave home you suddenly realise how much mum really odes for you and you see her in a whole new light. anyway my message to you is just to keep looking at all the positive effects. =) stay happy and you can do anything

liz
  • 18th Mar 2011 11:54am

I actually found I worried less about my daughter after she moved out, what the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve over. If you have raised your kids to know whats right and wrong all you can do is trust them to God and hope they remember what you've taught them. Stay in touch but don't fuss, they hate that. Now my baby is a mum with 2 babies of her own and we have a wonderful relationship, so cheer up, they are still around and still love their mum.

chicababe
  • 18th Mar 2011 12:07am

my daughter moved out and i find myself seeing and keeping intouch more now than when she lived at home .it is better than i expected.

sarishka
  • 17th Mar 2011 02:21pm

Draw your strength from the words of *Kahlil Gibran" in "The Prophet"

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
for their souls dwell in the house of to-morrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

oldbiddy
  • 17th Mar 2011 01:58pm

Having 4 daughters ,they all seem to want to move out of the nest as so as they can, . With the impression that they can do better than staying at home , I was worried that they could not handle all the outside pressures, and finances, but let them go any way , with these words of wisdom THE DOOR TO HOME IS ALWAYS OPEN, all 4 did return before they married , some took a year most were back in six months. Being at home again they were able to save a lot quicker.

Dew
  • 17th Mar 2011 12:30pm

Hi there just to let you know it does get easier ..but it does take time!! My "baby moved out for the first time to get married,
Although I had years of wondering if he was ever going to leave. .( he being a uni student that seemed to have endless friends.) bit hard on the budget really!!
It was still such a big void when it happened!!No one really warns you about that empty room thingy!! But eventually you get to appreciate them as adults in their own right and you become a real person and not just mum to them too.Much better all round.Just hang in there ! ...Makes you understand your own parents must have felt...Dew.

Anonymous
  • 17th Mar 2011 10:03am

I have two sons and a daughter and when the first one moved out of home I was heartbroken but soon the others moved out and I realised it is all part of the circle of life. Now of course I am blessed with grandchildren so that was the best part of "leaving home" because now I see my children and grandchildren all of whom I adore. Don't despair things will come right.

Snookums
  • 17th Mar 2011 09:26am

Rest assured, she'll probably be back! And maybe its time to realize that she must lead hr own life and you need to also put your energies into YOUR life!

GrannyG
  • 17th Mar 2011 09:25am

I feel for your dilemma. I raised my children in a country town, and when they finished school they all left to study or work, and I felt so very alone and not needed. Of course I made regular contact with them and visits, and remembered that I had done the same thing when I was 18. It is another stage in life that brings big changes, so give yourself time to adjust, and enjoy being able do more of what you want to do. Your relationship with your daughter will not be broken, but strengthened as you support her move towards independence. (As you are probably finding out by now)

hell
  • 17th Mar 2011 05:39am

will you do know you will be wanted more it will be fine we all get have to move sometime

sandgroper
  • 17th Mar 2011 04:45am

The pride at having raised sons and daughter to the stage where they can move out of home to live as responsible, law abiding adults , far outweighs the mini grief of them leaving the feathered nest. When a son's or daughter's presence in the home is ceased instantly [ through death] that is when one cries... for one hasn't had a moment to prepare them [ or oneself] for that physical departure.

wombi
  • 16th Mar 2011 10:26pm

thanks for your input guys, i know im not the only one who has had kids move out, but it helps to know how other people coped. She has moved now and is very happy which makes me a little more at ease. I still miss her terribly but i know i need to support her as it is what she wants

CheryDJ
  • 16th Mar 2011 10:09pm

I;'ve only had sons....5 of them!! My younest is still living with us...he will 21 in nov. this year. once he leaves I know I will miss him the most....

Cheryl De Jersey

ValmaL
  • 16th Mar 2011 10:05pm

Our eldest daughter left home at 17 to go to the city to work and as we lived in the country there was no other choice. I loved her through it and just bit my lip at times but you do get through it. We are very close and often talk about those times. We live in the city now and are very close to our 3 children. I am not suggesting we agree on everything but I am very greatful we are a close family and their life partners are great. Not to mention 4 great grandsons.

Barney
  • 13th Mar 2011 11:37am

Both of my daughters left home to go to uni at 18. I found it very hard as they were 2 hours drive away and I was worried about them living in a big city without me to protect them. I cried a lot at first. My eldest would come home on weekends for the first few months. I found I was more worried about her driving home on a Friday night and going back Sunday night than I was about her coping with city life. So I suggested she only come home once a month. That turned into once every 2 or 3 months. I missed them terribly for awhile but regular phone calls helped. The big problem was that I felt I wasn't needed anymore. I have learnt to deal with that now and really enjoy the time we spend together. Don't worry, it will get easier.

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