People Living Alone
Posted by: Thagoona
19th Feb 2015 12:57am
When a person loses their partner to something like cancer, they also lose their friends. Why is this? Is it that there was little contact before and now it just becomes more obvious?
Unfortunately when someone loses their mate, they need more contact from others not less. Other people have families etc. to keep them busy but the person on their own has nothing to occupy their minds. They do a lot of thinking which can quickly become brooding and depression becomes the biggest thing in their life.
Why is it that friends don't realise this and make contact more often, to keep them connected to the world, and also to just keep a check on them that all is well.
What do you think?
Unfortunately when someone loses their mate, they need more contact from others not less. Other people have families etc. to keep them busy but the person on their own has nothing to occupy their minds. They do a lot of thinking which can quickly become brooding and depression becomes the biggest thing in their life.
Why is it that friends don't realise this and make contact more often, to keep them connected to the world, and also to just keep a check on them that all is well.
What do you think?
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Comments 4
jester123
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I have not been in your situation but I have suffered from depression, I also lost my Mum to cancer. From my point of view I think that people don't know what to say. They don't like to talk about the subject because it's not something that people like to talk about - it's depressing and uncomfortable for them. Heaven forbid that they may say something that makes you cry or sad. Maybe they can't relate to your situation or think that you'll be too depressing to be around so they avoid you altogether.
When I suffered from depression (resulting from a culmination of issues) I found that people really didn't want to know. They were so caught up in their own world to think of someone else. I kept my problems to myself and no-one knew and things only got worse.
No-one wants to be around someone who's sad or hear sad stories. We're in the 'all about me' society where no-one seems to have the time for anyone else. The sad thing is, is that all you need sometimes is one person to talk to, who will listen without judgment and often you will feel much better.
I don't rely on other people anymore. I try to generate my own happiness by doing things that I enjoy.
Thagoona
Hi Jester 123
You are spot on. It was terrible when I lost my Mum and then my Step mum and then I lost my Dad. However none of those prepared me for losing my wife, my mate. The one I shared everything with. The problem now is that if I do something I enjoy it will be something I would have done with my wife; so I am still shying away from doing some of those things.Even though I now have time for them, I just don't have the inclination.
Taggie
I see you posted this at 12.57am, so sleep is not giving any relief. I remember that and still now, over two years later, I still have bad nights. When my husband was being treated for cancer it was a busy time and he also was not able to go out much. When he died what little social life we had stopped and I found people avoiding me. Our children were 18 and 20 when he died and so still at home and I dread the thought of them leaving. Even with them still at home I went through a bad time, I can't imagine what it would be like to not have had to make an effort for them.
We are not good with death and I think people do not know what to say and having been through it, I still don't know what I wanted people to say.
Thagoona
It is very sad that you had to go through what you did, but I find some relief that someone else understands because you have been there. It is difficult to get someone else to 'know' when they haven't gone through it themselves. They say they understand and then relate how bad they felt when their pet goldfish died. It's not quite the same thing.
What do I want people to say? I know exactly what it is and it is the same as my wife wanted; to be treated like a normal human. To talk about the things you would talk to a 'normal' person about. Your work, the weather, the kids, politics, sport, global warming if that is what the person is interested in. It doesn't matter what the subject is, just include me, as you would include anyone else. We still have thoughts, we still have ideas, we still have dreams; what we don't have anymore is someone to share them with.
Thank you Taggie for replying, I really appreciate it.