Forced Adoption Apology

Angie30656041

I fully emphatise with you. I was adopted but did not fall under the Government Forced Adoption. Different country, different circumstances. However, the traumas associated with growing up in a family not your own are soul destroying and emotionally
unstabilising. The feeling of alienation, unloved and unwanted will haunt you for as long as there were endless nights of crying yourself to sleep. It takes very special people to adopt, to love and to nurture someone else's child, Indeed, there are people out there who are good, special and selfless and you can consider yourself lucky to be adopted by them. I think that adoption still resonates and will still resonate in the future because there are so many children being born everyday to parents who could not care for their own, for whatever reason(s).
whatever reason(s), Remember that the world we live in is not a perfect world

Nomis333

I keep forgetting how many there are out there like us .im still really emotionally affected and yet have met my birth mother, the stigma is still there , half of her family and all on my natural fathers side still refuse to even acknowledge that i exist.

Sue30534432

I too was on the same situation but I believe it does matter to have an apology as it helps the healing process Government s of the day made policies that affected us. Please focus on healing and then you can move forward. I know it's a loss of culture connection and other important family beliefs but you can move forward

bj

I had a brother whose child was adopted out after I had left home. A few years the female child contacted my brother, is still in contact.
She is happy and well adjusted. I think she had a better life in a family situation than she would have had. Many forget the awful stigma of having a child at an early un-wed stage. She loves her special parents, and accepts us as friends. I think the option of adoption is still a better option than a child of today being bought up in situations where there are multiple kiddies with different fathers and drink and drugs being the priority. My thoughts are "Just be thankful you had a loving family"

schilders

I was also adopted from a young age.I have since met both of my birth parents, needless to say I was better off being adopted rather than be bought up by either parent. I was lucky enough to have a wonderful family. There wasnt much of a choice back then for some, in my case it was the selfishness of my birth mother wanting a career more than a child. These days there seems to be alot more help for single parents, but no where near enough is done about the child support system and the other parent needs to be participating of helping more as too many cases those that are the single parents are forced to struggle. its not the stigma of being a single parent, its now more accepted,
in my brothers case he was taken away from his mum because of her age, no choice was given to raise the child, i still think the government has a long way to go with getting this situation right, now forcing kids to school earlier and making the rest work till your 70. one generation got it easy, and now my generation are having to pay, hardly seems fair

AnneGirl

I was adopted in the 1950's. It was a time when children were born and whizzed off to be prepared to meet adoptive parents. The usual was to never meet the Birth Mother nor her the Adoptive Parents. It would be rare for the Birth Mother to even be told the sex of the child nor see her child. Adoptive parents were closely matched to children thought to be like them as they become adults. We, another unbiological adopted brother and I were told we were adopted, we were special as our adopted parents wanted and chose us because they couldn't have their own children. My case was different, I was in a humidicrib for the first nine months of life,clinging and thought to die. My Birth Mother debated and debated about giving me up and ended up chose to have me adopted out to parents she knew would give me what she couldn't. I believe it to be the best decision she could make with the evidence at the time before her and have no animosity for what she did at the time. Because it was thought that I would die she had a great deal of knowledge of me, different aspects unique to me.In 1984, it was brought down by Government that either adopted children or their natural parents could find each other. My adopted Father (adopted Mother had died in 1970) said we could or he would help us find our natural parents. Both of us said no. In1999, I was notified that my Birth Mother wanted to contact me. I agreed. On the day I first met her, at a mutual place, some 17 years ago, I took a photo album. My Birth Mother elaborated many descriptions that tallied what my adopted parents had told me. My Birth Mother was privileged into a situation that normally she would have been barred from. My now husband and I invited her to our Wedding. We keep in touch and whenever we are interstate, we visit her and my six other half-siblings. My Husband and I lost a child and have not been able to adopt.
I believe there should be a place for adoption today. Surely adoption can be an answer to the killing field under the guise of abortion.

JoniJoni

I was adopted in the 1950's. It was a time when children were born and whizzed off to be prepared to meet adoptive parents. The usual was to never meet the Birth Mother nor her the Adoptive...

Totally, totally agree.

stevet

why not be thankful for the life that you have had, and greatful to those who raised you, who knows if you had not been adopted would you still be alive today, surely we cannot keep apolasjising for everything that generations before us did, are we always to be held accountable.

blondie72

Personally I think that it should be nobody's choice to adopt out but the parent's - or the Mother's choice if single. Nobody should forced to adopt - we as a community should rally around and support those in need and help to make things easier for all concerned. There should be MORE community based centres to help single mothers/fathers in need. There is definitely a place for adoption in today's society - there are many unwanted pregnancies (unfortunately) and the chance for a baby to be adopted out into a lovely, caring, family is still very much needed.

mysteron347

My mother was a divorcee in the last '50s and became so protective of me that I still suffer relationship problems fifty years later. There weren't the support services in those days so it was a real struggle.

The point is however that any government does what it believes is best for the individuals involved and society in general AT THE TIME. That's the key phrase. Times change, and society's attitudes change. We can't validly judge politicians' - anyone's - decisions of decades or centuries ago. They are all a product of society as it was then, not as it is now. There are decisions being made now that will seem ludicrous in a few decades in the same way as we now see or deplore policies of the past.

So is a formal apology required? I'd suggest that every single change to government policy is in itself an apology - an admission that the previous rules were not fair, balanced and in the best interests of the individuals or groups involved or society in general.

The value of a formal apology is slowly being eroded. It's over-used. The original national apologies that I recall were for the genocide and conduct of troops in the Second World War. It's now like the automatic apology from the person running into you as they barge their way around - just lip-service, demanded by convention, and there's no attempt or intention to actually change behaviour to avoid a repeat.

How about everyone apologises to everyone else for anything they've ever done or their family has ever done or their government has ever done - or ever will do - that may have been unfair, either at the time or will be seen as unfair at a later date? That way, we won't have to endure the stream of apologies issued for purely political reasons.

summer

I like you am adopted, I found out around 10yrs ago, apparently just about all my family and relations including my older sister knew except me, a cousin told me one day when she was a bit "tipsy". I approached my mother and she confirmed it saying they did not want me to feel any different from anyone else. I found out that my "birth" mother was in fact a aunt that had me and handed me over to her brother and his wife to raise.
I must add I was loved unconditionally, and there were never 2 parents that loved me more than them.
I never got to find out who my birth father was in fact I really don't care..
There was I guess not grief or sadness in my situation as my birth mother was a aunt that I saw regularly.
Both my parents are deceased now, and I did not hear the "speech" that you are referring to.

Ingi

I like you am adopted, I found out around 10yrs ago, apparently just about all my family and relations including my older sister knew except me, a cousin told me one day when she was a bit "tipsy"....

I think that if I was adopted which I am not, I would not bother searching for my birth mother.......I do guess that it must have been due to hardship or whatever it was that you were adopted and given up by your birth mother.....it was very hard depending what year it was in?.....in the 30's and 40's a lot of young girls found romance with the fellas in uniform e.g army navy, sailors or fly boys....got pregnant and some had backyard abortions or had their baby adopted.....it is a hard situation to be in.....as I got pregnant to a boy of 18, married him at 19 and I was 21.....and 52 1/2 years later are still married........I could have had an abortion....but......if I was in your situation I think that I would not want to know.....some girls/women do.........

daisy

Hello sorry for the sadnesss you went through life back in the old days way back were pretty cruel and not handled very well at all they never gave any one achance in those circumstances these days at least they give you options which isagood idea iam happy to have read that you are back with your birth mark treat her well and spend valuable time with her because onces she leaves this wicked world we live in you will misss her treasure her while she is around because Imssed out on seeing and getting toknowmy mother properly because she died of cancser back in december 1972 iwasnt running your mother down iwas just encouring you and all the best for the future with your mum

annezane

Yes I too was adopted and also adopted a child out. I am effected by the harshness of comments and viciousness of peoples actions like I have some horrible disease. There is little understanding or knowledge unless its it a overseas adoption then that is okay. I am astounded at the closed minds of people - I was lucky enough to be adopted by beautiful people who have given me every opportunity in life. My child thats adopted we still see once a year and I'm very grateful for that opportunity. I have many unanswered questions about my parents which I will never be able to resolve. Yes adoption is fantastic for those who are willing to be open minded.

JoniJoni

Yes I too was adopted and also adopted a child out. I am effected by the harshness of comments and viciousness of peoples actions like I have some horrible disease. There is little understanding...

Adoption is a brave choice and in some cases the best thing for a child. Personally I couldn't do it and if I were adopted would feel like something is missing. My cousin wasn't told the truth about who his father was and found out by accident when aged 30 and he had a breakdown. Honesty is essential.

annezane

Yes I too was adopted and also adopted a child out. I am effected by the harshness of comments and viciousness of peoples actions like I have some horrible disease. There is little understanding or knowledge unless its it a overseas adoption then that is okay. I am astounded at the closed minds of people - I was lucky enough to be adopted by beautiful people who have given me every opportunity in life. My child thats adopted we still see once a year and I'm very grateful for that opportunity. I have many unanswered questions about my parents which I will never be able to resolve. Yes adoption is fantastic for those who are willing to be open minded.

a1

I was working in a maternity unit in the 60's and did not think much of these girls and their pained looks, sedated for delivery and the taking away of the baby. The babies lined up around the wall of the general nursery. I think now that even though it was tough, the babies did benefit from being adopted into families who had the cash to give them a full life. Have seen these babies find their natural parent/s and some have worked out and others not. Most still have greater love for the adoptive parent/s.

seesaw

I had a child in the 1950s,and was unmarried.
the only option for me,was to have the baby adopted out,my Parents were in their 60s,so I felt that I couldn't ask them to look after him while I went to work,and besides this I felt that every child deserves a father as well as a mother.
It was heartbreaking to go through,but just had to be done.When I had him in the hospital,the nurse put a sheet over my face,so that I couldn't see the baby,I remember begging them to let me see him,but he was whisked away whenever I asked them the answer was always the same,No.its an adoption baby.
For years I found myself looking into prams or the faces of young children always looking to see if they looked like me or the father.I cried a lot at night when everyone was asleep,We were a very close family I knew that they were hurting too. and didn't want to cause anymore grief to them,they were very supportive to me.I did meet with my son in the 1980s,and we do keep in touch but we aren't very close and I wish this could've been different,but I made a promise that I would never push myself onto him and his family,he knows the story,and he knows that I love him and that I'm here if and when he needs me.I did eventually marry another man and had 3 children,sadly I lost my first little boy when a truck lost his load on top of our car,he had turned 4 a couple of weeks before.
Well that is my story.thank you for allowing me to tell it.

JoniJoni

I had a child in the 1950s,and was unmarried.
the only option for me,was to have the baby adopted out,my Parents were in their 60s,so I felt that I couldn't ask them to look after him while I...

Thinking of you, that's heartbreaking to hear xx

Kessa1959

I know that the husband of a friend of my mothers only found out he was adopted after his parents had both passed away and he came across some documents pertaining to this. A shock he never really got over. His parents probably thought they were doing the right thing at the time but I can't imagine finding out that your entire life was built on untruths.

marlu

Adoption should never be forced At the time there must be valid reasons why a mother has to giveup her child and normally they would have gone to good home, I am sorry for you and hope that the apology will ease your pain.Yes there is a place for adoption when a parent cannot physically or mentally look after their children or if they are at risk of abuse or neglect.

JoniJoni

I had a child in the 1950s,and was unmarried.
the only option for me,was to have the baby adopted out,my Parents were in their 60s,so I felt that I couldn't ask them to look after him while I...

I totally agree with you and feel so upset every time I hear about children abused or killed.

Anonymous

Adoption should never be forced At the time there must be valid reasons why a mother has to giveup her child and normally they would have gone to good home, I am sorry for you and hope that the...

I agree..I too was adopted in the very early seventies.although there had been stages in my life I tried to find my real parents its not something that plays heavily on me.I was adopted out to a very good home and consider both my parents now to be good..to me they are my real parents.my birth mother I believe would have had a very good reason to give me up and I am so blessed from this.adoption should be a more readily available choice in this country..there are innocent kids out there being neglected and deprived of a good life.without adoption I could have been one of them.i thank the Lord for the life and the path he has set me on

Johis

I understand the situation is very sensitive for all the people who have been adopted, and now they feel as victims of the system. But, I do believe an apology is necessary and makes a lot of good. I think it could have a strong effect for future generations. It is a way to say that a mistake has been made, but even though you cannot change things you are making a compromise to avoid something similar to happen in the future, and may open the door for the persons affected to find a compensation from the government.

T

The gov has already apologized on behalf of their predecessors.
There is a place for adoption in a society, but not forced.

Flash

to wellieboot and others My thoughts are with you in your sadness and loss.
As one who pushed so hard for the current investigations I am still disgusted with the Government's and churches and welfare agencies sham of apologies as if an apology does anything at all satisfactory for the children who were adopted by forcible or pressured means, the mothers who did not get honest choices, the many fathers who have no knowledge of the birth or even existence of their children and the siblings and extended families on both sides who are denied their natural heritage, genealogy and DNA histories.
I was a father who happily married my then still underage and pregnant beautiful and adorable wife but always knew there was something she was too terrified to tell me about. Some 40 years later I accidentally reliably discovered she had a child before I met her, was forced into a home for unwed mothers due to no family support being forthcoming and then forced to have the child adopted or suffer some supposed horrid consequences.
My then wife and I later divorced and we remarried others. Our son also now knows of the circumstances of his having a sibling somewhere and is quite disappointed knowing that it would not have made any difference as I loved his mother totally but he is so distressed he cannot communicate with his mother
to try to solve his longing for contact with his common flesh and blood. I too would like to meet again with my ex wife to reassure her that I would have accepted the truth of matters and I have been informed that she still, even after 45 years, feels so ashamed of not telling me that she will not meet with me or our son to discuss it. I do not believe I have any right to interfere but it is tragic for my son and his mother's sake.
To make things even more appalling my second wife found out, at age twenty three , that, despite her mother's emphatic assurances otherwise from the age of 10 , that she was adopted by her (natural mother and) stepfather at the age of 8 and her siblings were other than her direct brothers and sisters. It led to her having a nervous breakdown and the inability to trust anyone until some 16 years after we divorced she located her natural father and , at her request, I went with her to visit him. He had absolutely no knowledge of her existence even and he and his wife and their children made my ex wife. most welcome. Only then could my ex wife confide in me the wretched torment that had so directly interfered with and mainly destroyed our marriage. Thankfully she now has found a great deal of peace and escaped the torment of the lies her mother told her and the not knowing the truth of her ancestry and heritage..
Sadly I do not think my first wife will ever have the courage to accept she had no choice in the matter and try to resolve that "not knowing" which continues to interfere with her peace of mind and well being to this day. The saddest part for me is that she was never ever sure enough of my love to realise I would always have accepted her had she told me the truth and I bear her no anger but just disappointment in regard to the lack of any support given to her by her (widower) father or her older siblings in her time of extreme youth and extreme need.

Perhaps it just as well that so many men are fathers but were never ever told nor given the opportunity to make a family for their children but then again some of the mothers did not know for sure who the father of the child was as continues unfortunately too often today.
To those still suffering I urge you to at least try to find your missing family members and then at least get some relief no matter the outcome as not knowing frequently causes far more damage than the truth itself.

daisy

to wellieboot and others My thoughts are with you in your sadness and loss.
As one who pushed so hard for the current investigations I am still disgusted with the Government's and churches...

Dearflash Ican feel your pain and concern because iam in astep parent relation ship as well as my real mother died of cancser in my eyes my father married the wrong woman and she loves breaking up familes she has put rubbish into there heads and the children belive in her not there mother the children dont like calling me by mum from that and my father nor suportingme to my family iam the black sheep the stepmother has always picked on me and hit me as well so Iknow you can do your best iguess if they dont like it they will have to lump it so to speak wont they

CafestudyAdmin

to wellieboot and others My thoughts are with you in your sadness and loss.
As one who pushed so hard for the current investigations I am still disgusted with the Government's and churches...

Thanks Flash. I'm sorry to hear about your experiences too, particularly your ex wife. I think it is bad for us adoptees, but much worse for the mums who had to give away their babies. I have had 2 babies myself and I could not begin to imagine the horror of giving up your own flesh and blood after growing them and carrying them for 9 months. It affects people for the rest of their lives. Also I agree that not telling the truth about the situation harms people, and I'm lucky that I did not experience that, my adoptive parents told me I was adopted from a very young age. Finding your family is a big upheaval and an emotional rollercoaster but definitely worth it :-)

Big E

I am married to a woman who as a babby was removed from her mother and placed in a childrens home. She never got to meet herfater as he died a year before she met her birth mother several years ago. I find this exteamly sad and it has caused all sorts of issues with my wife. She can be very insecure at times and withdraw if certain issues and situations arise. She has got to meet all her 6 birth siblings and most of them who were in the same situation, have very silmilar issues.

shell123

I was adopted in the 50's, although it was not forced adoption. My perspective comes from the essence of personal experience rather than political.
I have been blessed to have such wonderful parents, and have never felt I 'missed out' due to not sharing DNA . The Nature V Nuture debate is valid
I feel the burden of sadness with this issue is for the mothers that were forced to give up their babies. Society is always going to be guilty of misguided judgement based on the 'experts knows best' belief.
I can only say that the love and honesty that I have been bought up with has been -and is - a blessing.
Like all events, adoption processes have changed over the years, and due to current provsions available to help single parents, and the availability of pregnancy options, the rate of adoption has fallen.
Parenthood regardless of heritage should always be about love, honesty and self-sacrifice. A political apology is rhetorical, and possibly for some, - misguided.

Anonymous

i do feel your sadness and the pressior u had as a teenager..but i think that in circumstances it is necessary to let the children of single parents beeing adopted... every woman can get pregnant but not every woman is qualified to be a mother ..the government must study every single issue on its own for the best to both child and parents

squeekums

to wellieboot and others My thoughts are with you in your sadness and loss.
As one who pushed so hard for the current investigations I am still disgusted with the Government's and churches...

You do realise many people become single through death or fleeing abuse right?
You also do realise just cos someone is married, it dont make them a more stable or loving home

You also realise that forced adoption, there was no choice, babies were literally stolen from drugged and vulnerable women

Anonymous

to wellieboot and others My thoughts are with you in your sadness and loss.
As one who pushed so hard for the current investigations I am still disgusted with the Government's and churches...

In a way I understand your view but who has the given right to say. I was of a single parent situation and even though times were tough and I hated it at the time I have come to realise how much stronger I am because of living hard not a soft cushie family the government is in tatters and none of them haed lived like we do so who gave them the right to choose what's best for us?

Anonymous

to wellieboot and others My thoughts are with you in your sadness and loss.
As one who pushed so hard for the current investigations I am still disgusted with the Government's and churches...

In a way I understand your view but who has the given right to say. I was of a single parent situation and even though times were tough and I hated it at the time I have come to realise how much stronger I am because of living hard not a soft cushie family the government is in tatters and none of them haed lived like we do so who gave them the right to choose what's best for us?