Formal Wedding
Posted by: Ollie
16th Nov 2010 11:56pm
Just wondering what other people think about wedding invitations that request 'Formal' dress. Dress codes are serious business. Aren't people fools if they state 'Formal' for a 6pm reception, do not clarify, and don't realise that most of the guests are ignorant of such expectations ?
I emailed the bride as to her interpretation, which was, 'floor length gowns preferred'. I graciously declined, because of the expense - (formal apparel, travel & accommodation); ageing health issues; not that close to the couple concerned; and I will not socially disgrace myself by substandard dress when invited and told what is expected, .
The result was - few male guests wore a dinner suit, or even a dark suit; the groom's father was in a business daysuit, no corsage, cufflinks or pocket handkerchief; groom's mother in very plain but short jersey frock, with no 'bling' no jacket/wrap to cover nearly sixty year old shoulders, (maybe suitable for a party in midsummer, but this was September); and no female guests in 'floor length gowns' except the bridesmaids !
Maybe the bride was disappointed, but if she really meant semi formal or no jeans, then 'formal' was misused... but most definitely misunderstood by her guests, so should have been defined to ALL. Dressed "Formal Evening', I would have been so embarrassingly overdressed.!!
Glad I didn't get involved. Knew it would be complicated. Maybe the bride and myself are the only ones with any 'class.'
Standards are much more relaxed these days, wear what you like to a funeral, to a party, shopping or visiting, but how rude to accept an invitation, venue and meal expenses paid for by others, then flout the requested formal dress codes.
What do others think ?
I emailed the bride as to her interpretation, which was, 'floor length gowns preferred'. I graciously declined, because of the expense - (formal apparel, travel & accommodation); ageing health issues; not that close to the couple concerned; and I will not socially disgrace myself by substandard dress when invited and told what is expected, .
The result was - few male guests wore a dinner suit, or even a dark suit; the groom's father was in a business daysuit, no corsage, cufflinks or pocket handkerchief; groom's mother in very plain but short jersey frock, with no 'bling' no jacket/wrap to cover nearly sixty year old shoulders, (maybe suitable for a party in midsummer, but this was September); and no female guests in 'floor length gowns' except the bridesmaids !
Maybe the bride was disappointed, but if she really meant semi formal or no jeans, then 'formal' was misused... but most definitely misunderstood by her guests, so should have been defined to ALL. Dressed "Formal Evening', I would have been so embarrassingly overdressed.!!
Glad I didn't get involved. Knew it would be complicated. Maybe the bride and myself are the only ones with any 'class.'
Standards are much more relaxed these days, wear what you like to a funeral, to a party, shopping or visiting, but how rude to accept an invitation, venue and meal expenses paid for by others, then flout the requested formal dress codes.
What do others think ?
You must be a member to reply to this chat topic. Click here to sign in.
Help Caféstudy members by responding to their questions, or ask your own in Café Chat, and you will get the chance of earning extra rewards. Caféstudy will match these and donate equally to our two chosen Australian charities.
Australian Marine Conservation Society are an independent charity, staffed by a committed group of scientists, educators and passionate advocates who have defended Australia’s oceans for over 50 years.
ReachOut is the most accessed online mental health service for young people and their parents in Australia. Their trusted self-help information, peer-support program and referral tools save lives by helping young people be well and stay well. The information they offer parents makes it easier for them to help their teenagers, too.
Comments 18
Ol
I would be crying if that were my wedding!
Dora
Hi Ollie,
I suppose when she said formal she might really have been thinking "B;ack tie" level of formal. I usually think "formal " can mean anything in an evening /cocktail dress style but not necessarily meaning floor length.
I love it when everyone dresses up to go to a wedding and cannot understand why some people think its ok to show up in just a plain shirt without even a tie. or if ladies decide to show up with dresses that could pass for a normal birthday event or even sometimes just everday shopping at the mall.
Anonymous
not sure
nick56
I am all for it, the indication of a dress code to an invitation, I think people have lost the touch on how to dress for certain occasions, and they should have more respect if they are invited to a celebration being a wedding, an anniversary or a 21st the host has spend money on you, you should at least express gratitude by dressing up appropriately, There's is nothing worse going through you photos and seeing what should have been a glamorous night and instead everyone is wearing jeans and T Shirts. Any men can look smart & still be comfortable in a pair of slack and a short sleeve shirt, and the ladies can simply dress up a mid length dress and still look stunning. The way I see it Jeans/short are for BBQ,
jjdrer
I notice you also mentioned funerals. I consider a nice dress, skirt and blouse, suit or something similar is suitable for a funeral. I wouldn't wear denims or T-Shirt to a funeral. When my Auntie passed away a few years ago her son-in-law wore a T-Shirt and Jeans. Her daughter wore a cheesecloth dress that you could see through quite easily. Her teenage granddaughter looked really lovely in a suit (very dressy slacks with matching jacket and a nice blouse. My brother (her nephew) wore a suit - minus his tie as it was a hot day and the service was graveside only.
Anonymous
At the end of the day if you plan to marry once and you know what you want in a wedding then you go for it, as it is your happy day not any body else's I would rather have a wedding that I want not worrying about other's opinions but if your asking advice then that is even better. Still I would have a hard think about what it is you are wanting for your special day and take it from there
Anonymous
I agree whole heartedly, i fiind myself being entirely too overdressed to certain occations because people either choose to ignore the dress code, or are just uneducated on what the term formal means.
Anonymous
Hi there, i am currently preparing my engagement party which is held at a local venue with drinks & food provided and i have sent out invites but i did not state what "dress code" should be worn, i think people can wear whatever they want to wear that way they will feel comfortable and have a better time at the party in whatever they show up in rather than having to wear a dress or a suit and feeling like an idiot! I myself will be wearing a dress but that's because i want to wear one and feel a little dressed up celebrating my engagement but im happy for everyone else to wear whatever they want and have fun! :-)
Wen
My daughter just attended a wedding that stated formal. She wore a knee length dress and it was suitable. She had to travel interstate as well so the dollars mount up. During the evening she ditched her heels for flats for dancing and everyone else wished they had done the same
Anonymous
We don't have many opportunities to get dressed up these days so make the most of it and remember 2nd Hand Shops, do what I do and re design your outfit! Read magazines to get ideas!
Bellxchat
I love it when there's an opportunity to get dressed up! I go online to find what the definition of "formal", "black tie" etc is and then dress accordingly. Expensive? No, it's amazing what is in friends' wardrobes and op shops. And when you feel comfortable in what you're wearing - within the dress code of the occasion - you cannot be "overdressed".
Anonymous
you have the right idea re Op shops They are my favourite shopping outlets...and I am only sorry that most of the shops do not get in many size 18s els
Anonymous
I do not think the bride showed any class at all in stating formal dress and adding long gowns...We went to two very formal weddings last year in Brisbane and the ladies all wore attractive gowns of restuarant length and some wore evening trousers. No body looked out of place. I think the wedding couple need to rethink their values if they insist on extreme modes of dress in the economic climate we are in. They should just be happy that people want to go....els
Anonymous
I would like to add that I am greatly offended by your stereotype of 'young people'. I myself am a young person of merely 15, I know I have not had all too much experience in the world so far and I do show respect to my elders in acknowledging that.
I ask that you please do now judge an entire generation by the stand outs. I'm sure you have had this experience when you were younger and it is most unfair.
Anonymous
i think couples should be grateful guests choose to come but the quests should also be a lilttle respectful to the wishees of thet couple, it is their afterall. However i think the word formal is really misunderstood.. people usualy think formal means a dress or somethnq that is not jeans and a tank top.
Ollie
Thank you Els for understanding my point. I forgot that 'young' people lack experience, knowledge and often 'respect.' Yet think they can dumb down everything to their own 'interpretation'!!! Look at those couples (did it to be noticed) who blatantly abused the 'Formal' dress code at the Brownlow Awards 2010, by wearing shorter dresses! Yes, Formal does include cocktail and other variations within the broad 'Formal' code. But the bride said 'floor length gowns preferred' and formal is ALWAYS a DARK suit for males.
Anyway, I politely declined, missed nothing and am not regretful. ...Ollie
annajoyct
in my book formal is cocktail dress for women and lounge suit for men
rustyoz
Hi Ollie, I got married a 18mths ago and my wedding invite said formal. I live in regional WA and it is by the beach. So most people here live in shorts/boardshorts and thongs/flip flops/sandals. We had a church wedding with the reception at the yacht club by the beach but it was all set up beautifully and it was it down with 3 courses.
I put Formal on there to say that I expected everyone to be dressed up in slacks/trousers/pants and cocktail dresses. I did not want shorts and t-shirts and summer floral dress.
Everybody is different in what they expect, but you can find some nice formal gowns at the second hand stores and op-shops, salvos these days.
Yes true Semi formal may have been more appropriate but some people these days miss understand that also. So saying formal means you'll get fully dressed people and then some. Hope this has helped