Pregnancy & Parenting

Yummy Mummy - Are you feeling the pressure to be one?

Pregnancy & Parenting

Posted by: Anonymous

4th Jun 2007 03:46pm

'Yummy Mummy' - slender and trendy with all the right accessories.

I want to know if you feel/felt the pressure to quickly get back to your original weight after giving birth? Do you feel you have to buy the most up to date accessories for your baby (McLaren, Bugaboo). What are you contemporaries doing? What's expected of you? What are your biggest concerns as a new mum?

Mothers with children 15 years and older - What was it like being a new mum in your day (and let me know which years you are referring to)? What were the expectations? What were your biggest concerns?


Comments 173

sherie333
  • 19th Jan 2012 12:57pm

well. i used to be 50-55 kg now im 70kg and my sone is 30 months. lol. so i dont worry bout getting back to my original weight. i would like to lose the weight but i aint tyring lol. i dont have much clothes and not brand clothes. i buy mu son kmart and target clothes. whenpumpkin patch has a sale i buy few things. but i dont want my son growiing up thinking he has to look better than everyone else over what makes him feel comfortable. all i want is him to try is best. accevive what he wants to. and nevr look down at anybody. or allow people to look down at him and he feel like his less of a person

Jo
  • 13th Oct 2011 10:22pm

I have NEVER felt pressure from others, though I have put pressure on myself but not through vanity. I was luky enough to loose my baby weight straight away (granted after my twins my skin was not the same), I put my weight on as my kids got a little more active/busy. As our lives got busy I stopped looking after myself, it was all about the kids; what the kids needed to eat, when they needed to eat, where the kids needed to go. My life has become work and family, and I love it! Please don't think that I'm complaining, I love my life and I wouldn't change it, I love my jon and I LOVE my family. For me trying to improve my health is my main focus... this means I have to loose some weight.

And if we are honest with ourselves it improves our moods when we feel like we look good... a "Yummy Mummy"

mika08
  • 4th Oct 2011 11:43am

I don't even know why people feel the need to comment on your body after you've had a baby. What has it got to do with them whether you've lost the baby weight or not. My sister recently had a baby and my mother in law could not stop telling me how wonderful and slim she looks. It was like she was giving me a obvious nudge saying that, look how great your sister looks and she has recently had a baby and now look at you, your youngest is 8 and still your weight is yo yo'ing up and down. I am still waiting for her to comment on what a good mother I am, always putting my kids first (unlike her). I just think some people are naturally self centered.

Min
  • 25th Sep 2011 01:40pm

I think there is def pressure out there but then in a way it is good, can be bad (those that starve themselves or overwork themselves) but in a lighter sense if you look at it positivly I think its important mums feel good about themselves, want to look good, take care of themselves and instead of walking around in a slaggy tracksuit or jeans a tee (which by the way I think is totally fine at home) take pride in yourself, why is it that just becasue your a mum we shouldn't care what we look like. I'm a mother of 4 kids and I make the effort to look after myself not for anyone else but me. And as my kids would say if mums happy we are all happy!

Jo
  • 13th Oct 2011 10:37pm
I think there is def pressure out there but then in a way it is good, can be bad (those that starve themselves or overwork themselves) but in a lighter sense if you look at it positivly I think its...

I couldn't agree more about how important it is to take some pride in yourself! As another mum of 4 beautiful babies I had forgotten to look after me, to take that time. I wasn't eating well, I wasn't taking the time to exercise, I even stopped wearing makeup to work (I know that sounds silly to some but it was a significant point in my journey). Since changing a lot of that, I'm still very busy, but I take an extra 10min every morning to do my hair properly, put on some makeup and a little Bling. It takes no more time to put on a nice top than a daggy top. It's amazing how much better you feel about yourself.

shaylasmummy
  • 5th Apr 2011 02:34pm

Totally feel pressure to get back to pre baby weight my daughter is 17 months now and still not back to it actully put on weight so going to the dr to see about weight loss pills.. I dont feel i have to have the latest accessories maybe i dnt feel that pressure as im 21 and noone expects a young mother to have all the expensive stuff

Anonymous
  • 16th Feb 2011 03:31pm

There was no pressure to have all the latest things when my kids were born as there simply wasn't any stuff. Prams and cots were secondhand or possibly new for the first then all the others got whatever was around.
It was a matter of pride to get back into your 'normal' clothes when you left hospital (maybe two weeks after the birth). This was no trouble to me- even after my second I was back on the beach in my swimsuit 6 weeks later at the same weight as pre-baby.
What helped was: straight after the birth you were put into a binder around the stomach. This felt absolutely wonderful! Also you had exercises from the physio every day. Mums these days think they can just eat and eat and not put in any effort whatsoever to get slim again- how do you think those stars do it? Well it's called discipline.

kyliemt
  • 23rd Nov 2010 01:20pm

I certainly feel the pressure to get back to pre-baby weight, though it is not from my family, friends or any media influences, it's more from myself. I WANT to be a yummy mummy, i WANT to fit back into my clothes, I want to feel good about myself. After having 2 boys in 2 years my youngest is now 9 months old and I have about 4kg to go to get back to my original weight, but with 3 children (i also have a 7yr old girl) I often struggle to find the time to look after myself. I think as mothers we tend to be very harsh and critical of ourselves and always put everyone else's needs above our own.

As for having trendy accessories for bub, you could spend thousands and thousands of dollars on baby items but the reality is they don't stay babies for very long so unless you've got money to burn you may as well just get what you need. I often find the cheaper items are much more practical anyway!

CompletelyUniqueNickname
  • 16th Nov 2010 08:30pm

I'm pregnant with my second baby. There was definitely the pressure the first time around to be a "yummy mummy", slim figured and sporty with my perfect little designer-clad baby.

This time around it's much the same (although it's easier to see through all the "must have" propaganda thrown at new parents), but I am also hearing among my peers the pressure to stay slim DURING pregnancy. It's really very disturbing. I'm hearing them complain of the guilt they have when they give in to a craving for fried food or a chocolate bar ... the reason behind it is if you don't gain excess weight during pregnancy, then you don't have to lose "baby weight" afterwards. I think we're starting to realise the whole celebrity thing of miraculously losing baby weight in a week is unrealistic, so the new way to ensure perfection is to not get fat to begin with.

Scary.

Wen
  • 1st Nov 2010 04:48pm

The one thing about being a Mum these days is being badgered with all the so called professional books of how to when to etc. All our children are individuals. My daughter has a 22 month old and started reading some of these books only to make her feel inadequate. She tossed them out, got to know her little individual and has a happy, well behaved little boy. Also she is quite happy in her own body.

Elle
  • 30th Jun 2010 05:58pm

I must admitt when i first found out I was pregnant I wanted to go out and get the best of everything. I thought it's my first child I want him/her to have the best. But now he is 17months, I think the best thing u can give them is love. No matter which pram u have, which car seat, high chair etc they don't know or understand these things. Now all i make sure each day is that he is loved and fed. I was a bit hung up about my weight after pregnancy, but now I don't care. I have a family to worry about instead of worrying about what size i am. I am slightly bigger then i was when i fell pregnant, but i presume that is from your body being over stretched and nothing ever goes back to where it was before hand, lets face it!!

ruth
  • 30th Jun 2010 09:57am

OMG this is the worst, it is so impossible to look like "yummy mummy"s have told us is normal for mums!

rachaelc
  • 4th Jun 2010 01:53pm

There is so MUCH pressure to not only be a yummy-mummy but also have the picture perfect Vouge LIving house and designer-dressed children. And yes the prams are always checked out by the other mums, and what sort of car and car seat you have too. This is a reflection on the wider society though, where everyone is expected to have the latest and greatest so they can look like they have 'made it'. And what is it with women paying a fortune to have lips that make them look like a duck?????

Shebb
  • 26th May 2010 10:15am

I have never felt pressure to lose the weight after each of my pregnancies (currently pregnant with #4). However, I average 50kg, and usually am around 54kg a few days after birth, with the last 4kg dropping in the next 3 months.

As for all the "stuff", we purchased things to fulfill our needs, not because they were "the" brands to have. Before #1 in 2005 we were able to get an awesome deal at BabyCo, so went with their products. That being said, I refuse to buy any other carseat than a Safe 'N Sound as safety is not to be compromised, and we did purchase a Maclaren pram just before baby #2, but it is a twin stroller because no others "fit the bill" in light weight, easy folding, small size to fit our boot and side by side compatibility for a newborn. Sometimes the brand names are just that because they produce the best product for what you require.

KG
  • 23rd May 2010 09:15pm

This was interesting to see. I thought I had replied to this before and I had, it was nearly 3 years ago after recently having my second child. It was interesting to see my comments back then and I was concerned about my weight a little bit. I started running shortly after that as a release (weight loss a bonus) and am probably in my best shape now but more importantly I am feeling so good and in a really good place and my weight is just a bonus.

And 3 years later I am not so interested in having all the latest and greatest things for a couple of reasons and one is the latest and greatest does not stay that way for very long before something new comes along. I am also much more comfortable choosing things for my children now as I am aware of what they like and require.

sumwun2
  • 14th Oct 2008 12:53pm

I totally understand the pressure thing through playgroup and so on... my eldest child is turning 5 in a month, and the youngest is 1 in just under... so with that and all the other bit and pieces, I rebel... I not a slim svelt mum, my kids are not always dressed in designer clothes, and my car is usually a wheeled wardrobe for the children, and full of sand from the kindy and playgroup sand pits.... friends have all the great stuff, top range toys, brand label clothes etc... and they alweays have new stuff themselves... I can't afford to do this, its just not viable with finance the way it is these days....

Marnster
  • 23rd Jul 2008 02:32pm

I have a 18 week old and a 2 year old. haven't felt any pressure to look fabulous quickly after having my kids - I have too much other stuff on to be bothered about it, and to be honest, the family being happy is my biggest concern

I've looked at functionality rather than brand name for accessories, and am happy with the choices I've made - some of which aren't brand name choices. As long as I'm happy with them, I dont care if others dont appreciate them because of brand. But I haven't heard any snide comments either.

My biggest concerns as a new mum are my baby's health / feeding, and getting sleep.

Anonymous
  • 23rd Jul 2008 11:02am

I did get back to my normal weight only becasue I breast fed and they were extrememely hungry kids and fed well. However, at 48 I feel more pressure now than ever before to be a yummy mummy. Looking older and the body slowing down and changing is extrememley hard the pressure of 2 jobs and juggling everythig is wearing people down

spandrews
  • 30th Jun 2008 02:35pm

I dont feel outside pressure to lose the extra weight but I felt very self concious. I am however focusing on getting fitter and healthier for me not anyone else so I feel good.

There is no way that I would buy the trendy baby stuff just because everyone else has it, babies go through stages so quickly that spending big dollars if you dont have it is not worth it. I find that my peers feel the same way. Babies dont care about brands, why should we.

As for expectations there are many from all angles. The expectation to balance many tasks in a day ie cooking, cleaning, tend to baby, manage finances, grocery shop, socialise, work and apparently we are supposed to do it with a big smile on our face like everyday is wonderful. Hmmmm

My biggest concern is that my time with my son is not productive enough, I feel like I should be talking, reading and singing to him more . He seems happy enough though.

Ebs
  • 27th Jun 2008 11:09am

The pressure to loose weight is intense. I have a 14 months old son and after loosing 10 of the 25 kilos I put on I am still under extreme pressure to loose weight (mainly from other mums and my own mother) before trying for bub number 2. It really is almost an obsession. I don't think I will ever get back to my pre pregnancy weight (I was a size 8 - 10!) and I am OK with that. AS long as i have enough energy to run around after my kids and I am healthy who cares if I'm a size 14 - 16.

Anonymous
  • 13th Jun 2008 11:35am

Hey, of course there is the pressure in society of getting back to pre baby weight after giving birth. Personally I have always been slim and really enjoyed carrying the extra weight with both my children, but I also was happy once having the babies to actually be able to excersise normally and get back into shape at my own pace. You have to be comfortable and confident in your skin no matter what size you are. As far as buying "in fashion" clothes and accessories for the baby I really felt with both my children that there is no point putting yourself in debt to buy often over priced baby stuff as especially with clothes as they grow so fast that they barely even wear half the stuff anyway, and you can buy cheap stuff that is still cute without blowing the budget.

Anonymous
  • 13th Jun 2008 10:58am

I have just recently had my fourth child and i feel more pressure to look good. I dont recall feeling the same amount of pressure after my other children. So many people just expect you to walk out of hospital looking the way you were before you were pregnant. My last baby was born by c-section and after about 10 days my husband and i went shopping with the baby and we bumped into an old friend of his who admired our baby then said to my husband "and you have another one on the way" i was really upset at this comment and i had to walk away. What is wrong with people? After that i felt like i had no choice but to start exercising because i knew i couldn't handle comments like that everytime i went out. Two weeks after having my baby i started watching what i ate and i also started doing sit ups everyday desperatly trying to flatten my stomach. I always thought that after having a baby you were supposed to be able to sit back and relax and get to know your baby but it seems to me that everyone expects so much more of you. I start back at work in a few weeks and i am already stressed about what i will wear and how i will look because i know that everyone just expects that i will return back to work with my pre-pregnancy body.

Ainze
  • 6th Jun 2008 03:17pm

I wanted to be a Yummy Mummy all by myself, there was no chance of me turning into a totally frumpy lumpy Mummy, I did however stack it on and it took time to get fit again, I gained 20kg in total and did not loose much until I finished breast feeding at 10 months, then I had to work at it, it's important to note no one put pressure on me and I ignored the ridiculous celebrity stories, (though I was envious - but they all have nannies, trainers, assistants etc ) however I really hated myself and was unhappy with myself and it affected my self esteem and crept into my relationship with my lovely husband. Once I decided I needed to kick start a program to shift some weight, regain some fitness instead of moaning about the fat beast I had become I felt much happier, gained those all important levels of self-esteem and my husband too was happy to see me happy with more energy than ever, sure my body is a lot differant but its fitter than pre-bub I'm happy and so is our gorgeous daughter!

trendygran
  • 4th Jun 2008 01:03pm

In 1974 -1978 it was difficult being a new mum. We didn't have ultrasounds back then so had no idea if the child was okay or not (which, didn't matter to me anyway because I love special children). There was pressure to lose weight and keep it off. I loved to go shopping & buy new baby outfits, but was expected to be a full-time mum and was told my job was raising the children & looking after their father & the house. The biggest concerns were that the children should have had the love of both their parents and not just one, their father was never there for them when they needed him.

wishnik
  • 4th Jun 2008 10:12am

I definatley feel pressured. Not by my family or friends, but every where you look on the television or in magaizines theres some gorgeous woman with a headline about hwo she lost her baby weight. Aswell as stories on how to loose weight with profiles on women who didnt need to loose any in the first place. Im not overwieght but some days still feel as though im not thin enough. It would be nice if we had a little more reality displayed across the media, im sick of plastic barbie dolls telling the rest of us how great it is to be thin.

tracwy
  • 6th May 2008 08:58am

i think it depends on your personality and te group of people you are with as to if you feel pressured to get back to the pre weight

Blue
  • 2nd Mar 2008 12:34pm

I feel no pressure at all to live up to the standards placed on us in the woman's mags. They are unrealistic. Yes I have stretchmarks on my tum and I carry a little bit more weight than I did 15 years ago but to be honest I probably feel more feminine and womanly than I did back then. Maturity has brought an understanding that I am a good Mum, my kids love me, my Husband loves me and I feel comfortable with myself. I do make sure I dress nicely (not expensively) and I wear make up when I go out. A little squirt of perfume before bed each night is a great pick me up for a tired Mum. Don't look at those stupid pictures of "yummy mummy's". How happy are they really?

Jo
  • 22nd Jan 2008 11:57am

Since my son was born in Sep 2006 I have lost 30kgs. I definitely felt pressure to be a Yummy Mummy at first thanks to NW magazine covers & those tabloid tv shows. I was a blonde, buxom part-time, glamour model prior to my pregnancy. I posed provocatively & wore skin tight jeans & low cut bustier tops. I had long hair extensions & tried the lip plumping injections. I was completely consumed with aesthetics & although I'm very intelligent & witty, my world revolved around the latest trends, fashion & image. Fast forward to Jan 2008 & I only shop for clothes when Good Sammy's is having a half price sale, gone are the hair extensions, my hair has returned to its natural brunette state, I've thrown away my blue contact lenses in favour for my own hazel colour, I eat 3-4 square meals a day instead of starving, I run 5kms a day just to stay healthy & I like the lips God gave me. Call it divine intervention after the birth of my son, but all of a sudden the oxygen seemed to return to my brain & I was more content with who I am & how I look. It's not about being a Yummy Mummy but just being yummy in general. The thing about being yummy is that everyone has different tastes so what may appeal to one person may revolt another person's palette. My tastebuds have been renewed like those of a smoker who has quit. I don't feel pressure to be a Yummy Mummy, just a good Mum & appealing to my husband & myself. And a tip for any wannabe yummy Mummies...you can find designer gear at op shops if you look hard so you don't have to spend your baby bonus at the Gucci flagship store. I just picked up a Louis Vuitton denim speedy bag, it's not this season but hell I only paid $25!

gedem
  • 16th Dec 2007 01:19pm

Definitely! I had my first baby 12 weeks ago and from the day I had her, I have looked in the mirror and realised how gross I look! What with the stretch marks, Caesarean overhang :-( and thunder thighs! I look at pictures of people like Heidi Klum, and wonder how they did it. But between work, a new baby, Christmas, and getting any sleep, I just don't have enough time to exercise. I do a gentle exercise class once a week before Mother's group but it requires an extra hours preparation the night before!

Alison72
  • 14th Dec 2007 03:51pm

I have just had my second baby and am not going to stress out about it, as i found when i did that was when i put weight on so i am just going to enjoy my children and being a mum.

koshakee
  • 14th Dec 2007 03:02pm

I have always been thin and have never had a problem with my weight so my first pregnancy is quite a learning curve as I am starting to get bigger. I do feel a bit of pressure to get back to my original weight because of friends and relatives who have already done this and look amazing despite the fact that they have recently given birth.

Personally though, I find that it's not the number of the kg that I gain or lose but it's whether I am exercising and keeping my body toned and healthy that really affects the way I look and feel about myself. It does feel like there's more pressure on me because I have always been thin and I think I partly want to get back to my original weight because that has always been who I am, I've never been any larger and don't feel like myself if I am.

As for the accessories, clothes and toys, I don't care what the magazines say or what others say and expect. I always wear what I feel comfortable in and like the look of (which is often quite different to the current fashion). I want the best for my baby but I don't believe that has anything to do with what brand of toys they have or how many they have.

I think my biggest concern is that as my pregnancy progresses, I'm finding more and more people who are so negative about having a baby and are constantly telling my husband and I that we will never have a single second to ourselves or be able to do anything that we do now once the baby is born. I know (as much as you can without experiencing it yourself) that everything will change drastically once the baby is born and medical conditions and the baby's temperament can play a large part in how much time you may have to yourself but I just think it's wrong to be so negative about such a wonderful time in someone's life.

Amy
  • 14th Dec 2007 11:34am

Pressure is definately there, but if you have a supporting family and friends you should just feel comfortable within yourself. After my first child was born i felt pressured but my husband and friends didn't once mention about how fat i still was, but rather how healthy i looked, which in turn made me feel good about myself. I'm not much into keeping up with the latest trends because they change all the time and i find them to be quite expensive too.

xtina3173
  • 13th Dec 2007 08:56pm

I only feel the pressure to become this yummy mummy in fear of letting myself go too much and my partner wont notice me anymore, hes a personal trainer and is constantly slim and fit so i definately feel the pressure there, im happy with my body even though i am at the end of my pregnancy, this is my third kid and of latina race so i have curves no matter what, however i do feel that now there is pressure from mates and partners as the world seems to become more superficial and image obsessed.
As for buying the latest brands etc for baby, this time i have spoiled the baby but only by choice, when it comes to buying something am influenced by what i like and not what people recommend etc....so my advice is dont surround yourself with people like that if they dont accept your life and choices. hope i've made sense?

callie
  • 19th Nov 2007 01:25pm

I have never been one to follow fashion. I don't want to look like the rest of the women out there wearing colours and styles that don't suit them just so that they can look fashionable. My children are always dressed well, and clean, and most of their cloths I have purchased from Lifeline, or made myself, because my weekly budget doesn't lend me towards spending big bucks on cloths they will only fit for a few months.

I do however feel pressured into losing the weight after my last bub. I also quit smoking not long after I had him, and I gained a bit of weight. I am by no means a big girl, but the society we live in says that thin is in, and it is very hard finding nice cloths that fit me.

DonnaR
  • 30th Oct 2007 01:21pm

I had all my children after 40 and could care less about having the latest this and that. Then again I never have been one for "keeping up with the Joneses" As for my weight that is a battle I fight constantly. The pressure I see put on other people and taken by other people is amazing. Some of my friends have been so hard on themselves and their expectations that they have caused themselves way too much stree. It's hard enough being a new mum but then thinking you have to have this and do that is just a silly way to live.

Jo
  • 28th Oct 2007 02:20pm

I was a first mum in 1988 and had three children in five years I didnt feel any pressure to get back into shape but then I lost my weight really quickly too. I cant say I felt alot of pressure to have all the up to date accessories either. My biggest concerns was really my kids welfare, I did feel alot of pressure to be a 'super mum' though and as they got older you felt pressured to take them to everything - playgroup, music, kindy gym, etc, SIDS seemed to be a bigger topic, most people used cloth nappies and bottle feeding was really frowned upon more so then now.
I now have a 4 year old and 7 month old and I do now feel more pressure to be a 'yummy mummy' probably from myself as I have had alot of trouble losing my weight with this one, I dont feel I have to be a 'super mum' anymore and I still dont feel pressured to have all the up to date things. I use disposable nappies as do most and I bottle feed this one as she didnt take to the breast and I dont find people are as judgemental as they were in the past, however I did breast feed my other 4. My biggest concerns are their welfare but more focused now on the type of world they are going to have to grow up in.

Sammy
  • 22nd Oct 2007 02:52pm

The only person who put pressure on me to get back into shape after having my children was me. But to be honest, it didn't take over my life. I go to the gym so I can feel healthy energised and generally happy for myself. Hubby didn't put the pressure on, but I want to feel confident in front of him to. Plus, I want to be fit and healthy for my active girls.

With respect for accessories...I've got more important things to worry about!!!! Shheeessshhhh.

Elle
  • 22nd Oct 2007 02:28am

I'm 43yrs old and I have a 4 mth old baby boy. I must admit while I was pregnant I was a little concerned about whether people would think I was his mother or grand-mother. But I'm just enjoying being a mum again sooo very much that it no longer worries me. I've never really found it hard to get back into shape, I like the feeling of being fit and have always endeavored to do some form of exercise - moderate so as not to make an impact on breastfeeding. I feel good about myself even though I'm probably 5 kilos heavier than pre pregnancy, I know from past experience by 9 to 12 months I'll be back in shape. I think there is a lot of pressure on mums to be able to run the home(cleaning, washing, cooking, homework,sports), than add to this work, looking good, and having the right accessories as you put it. And I think it is very unrealistic expectation to place on not only new mums but any mother. Interestingly enough I'm not quite sure where the pressure comes from but it is there. I have 7 children the oldest is 19 and is doing a double degree at uni. She is surprisingly a bright, responsible, well adjusted young women. I say surprisingly because I know how much we worried and fretted over her as a baby. My youngest son sleeps in the cot all of our children slept in we bought it for our eldest daughter before she was born, 2nd hand from friends. The linen has changed a number of times as have the prams and carseats. Our eldest daughter had one of those baby capsules. Cothes wise I've always had the policy to only ever buy on special, no matter what the brand. Generally this has meant buying sizes bigger and waiting until the next season to wear them. I use the previous childs clothes as play clothes for the new child. My teenage children have some brand name clothes, however they have part-time jobs and pay for them out of their own money. They buy them on special or go to outlet stores etc to get them. I never felt I needed to spend a lot of money on toys instead we joined a toy library, that way there were always new things to play with at very little expense. My biggest concerns were teaching my children values and having them well educated, so we do have a rather extensive library of books. One difference I have noticed between my eldest and youngest is the variety of items available for babies eg walkers, jolly jumpers, swings, bouncers, play mats with lights, mobiles that you almost need a degree to workout all must have items that cost a fortune - really most of it is not necessary. There are other differences to do with feeding babies, like when to introduce solids, sids etc.
There does seem to be a lot more support available for mums - which is a positive thing. There is an enormous amount of information out there, finding what works for you and your family is the most important thing. I have found the best way to judge that is to look for Women or families I feel are successful and emulate what they do. Of course the definition of successful is variable.
Mother of 7 and loving it

sal
  • 18th Oct 2007 05:43pm

There is pressure everywhere to get back to pre baby size. Everyday something is thrown in your face but you have to learn to look past it. Remind yourself that you are a mum and find something positive about yourself and always remember that if we had Personel trainers/chefs/stylists etc we too could look as good as the stars and as for magazines it is all airbrushing and photoshopping.
I have always been a small figure and Still am after 2 children,. my partner loves me for who l am and appreciates how l look after our children. A good mum is just as sexy as any one else.
As for accessories, your baby doesnt know brand names, this is what we teach our children. Always shop for a bargain, but dont worry about the fads as your baby will outgrow before you know it. Perhaps invest in quality long term items, but as for clothing, you can buy decent stuff from Target etc without spending as much as design labels.

neena_19
  • 18th Oct 2007 04:41pm

I absolutely feel pressure to be a yummy mummy, but feel I am failing: I am almost at my goal weight (3kgs over my pre-baby weight). I have resigned myself to the fact that I will never be as fit and terrific as I was before pregnancy (no time and I just don't think it's humanly possible anyway: surgery scares me). I struggle to find time to do things like visit a hairdresser, apply makeup, wear child-proof clothing and accessories that flatter me. Also:
1. I can't fit into any of my old favourites (and with two very small children there is not the money available to splash out on an entire new wardrobe).
2. I was very fit and active pre-children and I feel as though I am being judged by my husband, friends who still lead a very active life and of course by myself (who prided herself in physical fitness)
3. There is no social value in being a mum - you have to have something else, too. A feather in your cap, so to speak. You either need to be back climbing the corporate ladder or else be very fit and active (or people start to whisper "what does she do all day?"!
The pressure on someone of my age is HUGE! We've been told we can have it all. Why is it so damn hard!?

amy_michelle
  • 3rd Oct 2007 07:33pm

I feel there is some pressure however i do not conform to it.

kagaroonie
  • 22nd Sep 2007 08:42am

After I had my first baby (1988) I lost weight quickly, easily and was back into my normal clothes in next to no time. My second pregnancy ended in surgery (ruptured ectopic) and I became depressed. During this time, although my doctor "forbade" it, I became pregnant again. I bled for weeks and was told to rest - and soon became a blob. My husband was not supportive and by the time I had my baby I felt like a whale - mind you, I was under 70kg! I had my baby,(1993) the depression didnt lift and it took about 7 years, a divorce and some very supportive friends and family to get me through. Although I was very successfully holding down a very responsible job, raising two kids, paying a mortgage and doing everything at home, I still felt that because I was "fat" I was a failure. I found a new outlet, (motor cycle riding) and now, even though I probably technically dont qualify as a "yummy mummy" my new husband (15 years my junior) tells me constantly how sexy I am and how much he adores my body - he says I look like a woman which is what turns him on. I've stopped worrying. Oh, and I now weigh just over 70kg!

dayley73
  • 21st Sep 2007 08:20pm

As a new mum I felt pressured into having the 'nursery' all decked out in baby gear that was so overpriced it was ridiculous! Honestly, you could pay upwards of $1000 for a small chest of drawers simply because it was housed in a Baby shop. Sure some of the gadgets are great and make life more comfortable but did my Grandmother miss out on the fact that she didn't have a special ergonomically designed breast-feeding cushion? I don't think so. More emphasis on the love and care and less on the 'fashion' of having a baby. In these 'green' times I don't see why there can't be more retail outlets that offer second-hand baby stuff. Also the weight thing is ridiculous. I agree that breast-feeding doesn't keep your weight down, or rather it doesn't for me. Be happy with who you are! You've just brought a miracle into the world and your body is a temple that should be worshipped for its amazing capablilities. Don't let some celebrity air-head, who cares more about what her body looks like than the child she just had dictate YOUR life. I'm not a celebrity (thank god) and don't care what I look like so long as I am happy and healthy. And don't think you have to join a mothers group. They're great and I'm not knocking them at all but I felt like I was a leper for not joining one. Again, do what you feel is right, don't let yourself get pushed into doing things that go against your grain. Congrats to all the new mums out there!

pen
  • 21st Sep 2007 04:58pm

I am now a grandmother back in my day 70's -80's I had four children the biggest pressure was financial. There was no baby bonus & family assistance was negligible. However it was somewhat a little more carefree. You were expected to look nice & it was a bonus if you lost your weight but I don't think it was as expected. Your children were expected to be well mannered, clean & tidy but not so much trendy. There was still that "keeping up with the jones' " creeping into everything, who had the latest toy's, prams etc I really think behaviour was important older woman were often the ones who gave you the look if children played up when you went shopping there wasn't as much child minding back then, children went pretty much everywhere with Mum & Dad's worked.

tasha
  • 21st Sep 2007 02:05pm

my youngest child just turned 13, i dont remember hearing any comments about my post baby weight , infact being a mum at 33 was not an issue for me. The only issue was my son had seizures from birth so life was hectic as i had two other children and no support from my then partner. Mums back in my day got no baby allowance I did not even get Maternity allowance!!!!! so today i suppose finacially Mums are better off.

shaza
  • 21st Sep 2007 11:48am

Yes iam really starting to feel the pressure ive always been about 8 stone and after this baby iam still bout 11 and a hlf stone and its been 9mths since i gave birth , admitadly its been 17yrs since i had my 4 other daughters but i never had a problem back then . my partner now is a few years younger than me so iam feeling the pressure to get back looking as good as i did when we first together 2yrs ago , because iam becoming depressed with my appearence and very jealouse of him.

shannon_doh
  • 20th Sep 2007 06:11pm

Ive been at the gym since my bub was 8 weeks old!!

I def. feel the pressure to get back to my original weight and be a yummy mummy!
As for the new baby equipment That hase'nt bothered me at all

meddens
  • 20th Sep 2007 04:32pm

I have felt intense pressure to return to my pre baby shape (mostly from my mother-in-law). I have always been self-conscious about my body and all this focus is not making it any easier. My first child was less than 24 hours old, when I was told to start losing the baby weight.

It fascinates me that strangers and family feel free to comment on my body when pregnant and after the child is born, but their bodies often have more than a little room for improvement.

Felix Fan
  • 8th Sep 2007 09:58am

I first became a new mum in the late 80's. I was very young and getting back to my weight was easy. My biggest concern was trying to balance being a good new mum and still taking care of my needs too. I think its the same with young girls today, especially since there is so much financial help, they have a hard time being a mum and a kid at the same time. Its the children that suffer unfortunately.

ctillyer
  • 22nd Aug 2007 07:39am

I think the pressure is there to be a 'yummy mummy' and have the latest gadgets for your baby. I have two teenage daughters and now I have two little babies. There is a big difference in attitudes between the first time round and now. I lost all the weight straight away the first time as I was in my late teens and I didn't even have to try to lose it. This time I am in my 30's and it has been a shock to me seeing this excess weight and skin that I am actually going to have to work at to move. I will still be left with the floppy skin on my belly. The first time around all of my baby stuff was bought from the op shop. This time around we can afford to buy new but at least I know what works and what isn't worth the money. We still didn't buy top of the range stuff, after all it is all made in China. One baby shop employee told me that all of the prams come out of the same factory in China. The best thing is that every time I look in the mirror and say how bad I look, my husband always says that I am gorgeous and that he thinks I am very sexy. Add to this the fact that all of my kids are healthy and happy. What more could I ask for?

Nads
  • 20th Aug 2007 02:33pm

I think the pressure to get back you rpre-baby body (or better) comes mostly for portrayals of yummy mummies in the media - ie the rich and famous. I certainly haven't felt this pressure from other new mums I know (ie mother's group, friends etc). Fortunately I have not struggled to lose weight, but those I know who have certainly talk about how bad they feel about themselves.

I would like to be able to buy the most up to date accessories for my baby, but it is just not possible to be able to afford them all, and realistically, many of them are useless or suitable for such a short period of time that they are not wise buys anyway. I buy what I see as good value for money, and probably err toward the more expensive or must-have buys if I have the option of doing so. My contemporaries are a mixture of the 'must buy everything I see in the latest baby-fad catalogue' and the 'only if it is necessary' groups.

My biggest concern as a new mum is being able to provide the best possible learning and nurturing environment for my child to give him a good start in life, whilst ensuring that I don't lose myself in the process

Doors
  • 13th Aug 2007 09:24am

I had my first daughter in december 2004 and second earlier this year. I haven't felt external pressures for weight lost or products. I am lucky that I have lost the weight with little effort and I buy things for my children because I want them not because everyone else has them.
I believe motherhood does not effect this "peer" pressure, it is always there. I am not one who needs the latest clothes or products, where some people do and as mothers, they probably would also feel this pressure to keep up with the "Jones".
I strive to feel good about myself, not to adhere to external pressures.

Anonymous
  • 25th Jul 2007 09:14am

I feel that society does expect that mummies should look their best after giving birth. In saying that though, I think that as long a mun looks healthy, that's the most important thing. I was not married when I had my daughter and because my family were embarrassed by my situation, I was placed under a great deal of pressure not only to loose the baby weight, but to re gain my pre baby figure. I was a size 6 before I fell pregnant and gained only 10kg through my pregnancy. Two weeks after I gave birth I was back at the gym doing the same routine I was before I fell pregnant in an attempt to loose the weight. In some ways it was great because I dropped the weight fairly quickly, but it was also horrible because I also developed bad eating habits, and put alot of strain on my body that I am paying for only a few years later. I felt like the less I ate, the easier it would be to loose the kgs. Over and above that, I was pulling much more in free weights and running harder on the treadmills and cross trainers and; at the end of the day, doing more harm then good to my body.. I was tired and cranky and not coping very well at all. I'm better now, because things have settled down quite a bit. I'm married and settled down, living away from my family that were so embarrased by me. My in-laws are supportive of my husband and myself and respect me a great deal, despite what we had to go through at the time my daughter was born. I have to say, in the initial months after I had my daughter, I really felt like if this is what my life would be for the rest of my days, I really didn't want to be on this earth to suffer just because my family were so ashamed of who I had become. The only thing that kept me going through that stage of my life, was knowing that I had a little angel that needed her mummy to be strong for her, and also my now husband, who has been my pillar of strength for as long as I can remember. The long and short of it is, societal expectations you can remove yourself from to be happy, but when the pressure comes from the very people you always thought you could count on when you needed them; life becomes a living hell if you're not prepared for it.

ally
  • 24th Jul 2007 07:58pm

As we all know, during pregnancy we all put on weight in different amounts..............so it is after we have had the baby! I think once you get into a routine where YOU feel you are up to date with being a mum first............that's when you actually look in the mirror and want to "up date" yourself...............that could be as simple as going to the hair dresser.

Que
  • 24th Jul 2007 11:30am

I am in my early 20's and have a 2 1/2 year old and am just weeks of having my 2nd son. Even in the past 2 years i feel alot more pressure now for me to return to my post baby ( or even fitter) body than i did with my first son. I think this stems from media focusing on celebrities who return to their post - bub bods withing weeks of having their babies. What the media doesnt tell you is these people have nannies, nutritionists, personal trainers and surgeons who help them to spend hours and thousands of dollars getting this way ( while someone else spends the day with their newborns). I dont really feel the pressure of haveing the 'in' brands for my baby though, i go with what i find comfortable, safe and trendy. Alot of my baby stuff comes from target - and i think it is gorgeous! my biggest concern as a new mum is raising a happy - healthy baby, i dont let things like brand names and things like that bother me, i feel the more relaxed and comfortable i am, the more relaxed my baby will be, and he wll be free to become his own person and not a person shaped by brand names and latest trends.

Bec
  • 23rd Jul 2007 06:41pm

I am a brand new mum (our son is 3 weeks old tomorrow) and I am feeling pressure from others to lose the weight quickly. This is not coming from my family or my partner, but from others and their perception of me etc. I put on close to 30 kgs when pregnant and lost close to 17 kgs immediately after birth (fluid), and still have a bit to go - about 10 kgs. I live at the beach in Sydney and there is pressure from what others have re: prams etc - we have a three wheeler because it is easier for me, rather than being the "one". My biggest concerns about being a new mum is making sure my little man is healthy and happy (and getting enough to eat from me), sorting out breastfeeding (which is not an easy task in any way at all), making sure the house is clean and tidy, cooking and trying to lose weight as quickly as possible (basically trying to be supermum, which isn't going to work I don't think) and still trying to be a loving partner so our relationship doesn't suffer.

Anonymous
  • 23rd Jul 2007 02:41pm

I do feel the pressure to be a yummy mummy, I live in 'the Bays" where all the mums are driving SUV's and have the latest everything for their kids. It's not as tho I my daughter misses out on anything she could want or need in fact I feel like I spoil them sometimes. During my pregnancy I gained 30 kilos when was truely awful for my self esteem, and my wardrobe!! nearly a year later and I am still having problems getting the weight off, and I really need to get socialising with the mums in my area so my little girl can have some playmates, but my lack of confidence is proving to be a huge hurdle.

Looie
  • 16th Jul 2007 08:28pm

I Felt a little pressure, as my good friend had a baby 12 weeks earlier and already looked great, so I tho ught I had to follow. Luckily enough I lost all my weight within 6 weeks, back to a couple kilos below what I started at, I feel blessed !!! However I do have to try and kirb my sweet things I consume, I am breastfeeding and seem to be hungry all the time, sometimes chocolate is easy to give me that boost. I do maintain a healthy diet also.
I love to have my little boy looking great, so I do buy a few designer clothes and alot off ebay second hand to.
There is a little pressure out there to have a good pram etc - mine was not top of the range, but still a good pram. I made sure it was an item I bought brand new - as was the cot !!
My biggest concern as a new Mum was being a good Mum, keeping my boy healthy and happy and the household looking good, clean and tidy.

KristaandBaby
  • 16th Jul 2007 03:55pm

mmmm i have been told that i am a "yummy mummy" a few times and although i dont necessarily agree - i think its a compliment! however there are times when i cant be bothered heading to the gym or want to just be at home and there is that pressure.
buying the best accesories was almost a must when i attended baby group after the bith of my first baby boy - i remember the Baby Bjorn {baby carrier} and the 3 wheeler pram etc i know all the other mums prob felt it too however it wld have depended on each households budgets etc also i dont feel like i HAVE to purchase these things i guess but its nice to have the best for your new clean baby! i guess my biggest concerns is that i am not missing out on anthing and that i am up to date and with it!

Anonymous
  • 16th Jul 2007 02:51pm


i put on 25kgs when i was carrying my daughter
there is alot of pressure to lose the weight quickly even from friends and family they may not out right say it to you but you can tell
and you can tell what people are thinking when they give you the look up and down as if to say mmmm still carrying a lot of weight

i even had some one ask when i was due after i had had my daught 3 months earlier i believe people have i this miss conception about how a woman should look after having a baby and what people dont understand is that every woman is different
it can really get you down that should be the least of our worries we have a new born baby to look after

Anonymous
  • 16th Jul 2007 02:38pm

I had my daughter two months ago and since i had her i have found it hard to gain weight even though i eat all the wrong foods. I lost about 15kg while i was pregnant and haven't been confident enough to stand on the scales since. I kept getting told it would take me years to get rid of my baby weight but i had no desire to lose any extra weight.
For baby accessories i have hardly brought anything. My Sisters are older than me and have several kids each so they have given me most of the stuff they had for their kids. I haven't spent big dollars on clothes for my daughter because simply i can't afford it.
I know that i am happy and my daughter is happy and cared for lovingly. To me that is whats important. I have full support from my husband and my family (who live within a 20minute radius of me), so i know if i need a break or help they are there.
Does anyone think its worth going to mother and baby groups? I am considering it at the moment, but i really dont want to go if its going to be a waste of time.

Anonymous
  • 16th Jul 2007 02:35pm

I had my daughter two months ago and since i had her i have found it hard to gain weight even though i eat all the wrong foods. I lost about 15kg while i was pregnant and haven't been confident enough to stand on the scales since. I kept getting told it would take me years to get rid of my baby weight but i had no desire to lose any extra weight.
For baby accessories i have hardly brought anything. My Sisters are older than me and have several kids each so they have given me most of the stuff they had for their kids. I haven't spent big dollars on clothes for my daughter because simply i can't afford it.
I know that i am happy and my daughter is happy and cared for lovingly. To me that is whats important. I have full support from my husband and my family (who live within a 20minute radius of me), so i know if i need a break or help they are there.
Does anyone think its worth going to mother and baby groups? I am considering it at the moment, but i really dont want to go if its going to be a waste of time.

Anonymous
  • 16th Jul 2007 02:23pm

Yummy mummy, I don't care what others think. I was lucky to walk out of hospital at my pre pregnancy weight but at 92 kgs yummy mummy I was not. I am still not too worried as we are planning to have our second child within 15 - 20 mths of our last one. Maybe I might be more concerned then.

Larissa
  • 16th Jul 2007 12:44pm

Yes I feel the pressure to lose the weight post pregnancy. I have put on 22 kilo's during my pregnancy even though I went to the gym 5 days a week for an hour doing cardio and weights. That's double the normal. I have had comments since I was 5 months pregnant of how HUGE I am, even from strangers on public transport and in shops. Extremely embarrassing.
Not too worried about gadgets as yet but when I start mingling with other mums, no doubt the pressure mwill be felt.
Biggest concerns as a new mum is whether I will be able to handle it all on my own. Whether the baby will be healthy and whether he will be feeding OK and not getting sick.

MonkeyDLuffy
  • 16th Jul 2007 12:22pm

I never felt pressured to getting back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Its been 6 months now since I had my son and I'm back into my pre-pregnancy clothes but I'm 10 KG's heavier. I still get stared at in the streets and I dont understand why because I'm pushing a pram and am in trackies!! But I'm not complaining. I did not even try to lose any weight, I just went about my daily routine and the fat just went. They say breast feeding helps get rid of the fat but I couldn't breast feed and I still lost weight. I do feel pressured though to buy the most up to date accessories for my son.

TimsGirl
  • 12th Jul 2007 03:17am

I actually lost weight briefly after my daughter was born. I only gained 3kg in my whole pregnancy and after my daughter was born I was several kilos lighter than when I started. The problem was, I gained weight from a variety of medical conditions.

My "contemporaries" don't really have kids - all my old friends are all off in high paying jobs, travelling the world, not really interested in having kids now, if at all.

What is expected of me? I don't really know how to answer that one, but I know after my daughter was born, heaps of people treated us like lepers for having had a child. I mean, we were married for several years so we were obviously having sex, and sex usually ends up equalling kids.

Yet because my friends were all career orientated people (and my family as well), according to them I was tossing my life away having a child and I'd supposedly never have career. And as for my husband's family.... well he only has a sister and I feel so sorry for her kids because she frequently has gone on about how she threw her life away having her kids in her early 20s and she regrets having them.

so my friends and family were down on the whole baby thing because all they care about is career and money, and my husband's family and friends were down on the whole baby thing because all they care about is partying, doing drugs and just generally being too selfish to think about kids.

when we announced our pregnancy, somethiing I had been looking forward to ever since I was just a little girl myself and something I'd be so much longing for as soon as we got married and only put off so I could finish uni first, and instead of congratulating us, our family and friends all gave us their sympathy.

My concerns? well I'm not a new mum (my daughter is 5 years old ) but my concern is now - my husband ran off with this woman he met online that he'd been having an affair with for quite some time (I didn't know until he ran off to be with her) and several years ago he gave me a back injury which has left me unable to work and his parting gift was to leave me with what appears to be cervical cancer (I was a virgin when we got married, so the HPV didn't come from anyone but him - I need to go for more tests to know for sure, all I know at this stage is my pap smear was abnormal and it was caused by HPV).

My concerns are quite simple - my back is deteriorating, I don't know how much longer I'll be able to manage without some sort of household assistance; I can't work and even though my jerk husband works full time, he's tried every trick in the book to get out of paying child support, it's been six months and I've received less than one fortnight's worth of payment and my disability pension doesn't cover my daughter's medical treatment (she has medical problems), my own medical problems, our living expenses and the debts my husband left us in. so I just go without most of the treatment I need, we live in poverty, and I dodge the debts, but will only be able to for so long, by which time I will have to declare bankruptcy and they will take my car because on paper it's worth more than it actually is and it's not even sellable as I doubt it could pass a roadworthy - and while it's nice to say use public transport but with my injuries and my daughter's health problems, neither of us could even walk to the nearest bus stop, and taxis are way to expensive even with government subsidies.

so basically my concerns are I'm going to end up incapacitated or dead and my violent, pervert husband will get his hands on our daughter (he ran off with his mistress because I told him to leave the house until he stopped bashing my daughter and I and because I found out him and his mates had all been smoking drugs in front of our daughter), and that will end up homeless (because can't afford the bills, rent and food) or I'll lose the car and it will leave me with no way of getting my daughter to school or our medical appointments.

These aren't the usual concerns of a new mum, but when your life is turned upside down by a mentally ill spouse who stops his medications and starts using drugs instead and becomes violent and paranoid delusional, it really changes your perspective on what to worry about and not to worry about.

All I can do is hope that the cervical problems can be dealt with and finish my current uni degree and find work I am physically able to manage when I graduate and get some money to live, and hopefully be able to keep my daughter safe from my husband until he gets helps for his violence, drug use and mental problems.

Annie
  • 6th Jul 2007 10:08pm

Hi there, my little one is about to turn 3 in August and I will be 42 in September. Yummy Mummy was something that the husband called my girlfriend (we met in Mum's group). Anyway it didn't bother me either way I knew I looked like crap. When having the baby at the doctor's room we decided that as long as you didn't put on as much weight as Catherine Zeeta Jones (whatever) then you were okay. Well I think I beat her and I didn't have a personal trainer and chef after the birth. I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT 2 WEEKS AGO I STARTED WEARING MY PRE-PREGNANCY CLOTHES. Now I have been to the hairdresser, done my nails and am starting to feel human again.
I don't think it has to do with the weight as much as just having too much to do and much too little time to do it in. My daughter wants for nothing and has an amazingly huge wardrobe of clothes. 90% are hand-me-downs, or for some really gorgeous funcky (read name brands in there too) just go to garage sales and pick up hugely overpriced outfits for $1. How can she not be the best dressed kid in any street with bargains like that to be had EVERY SATURDAY. Otherwise I shop in the post winter and post summer sales for the following year and instead of buying on Ebay I sell thestuff that doesn't fit her by the time the next season comes around. Its win win in all directions.
I think being an older Mum made it firstly harder to jump back weight wise, but also made me less inclined to follow anyones lead but my own. I wish I had done it sooner but that's okay becuase now MJ is older we can enjoy the fun we are having with new clothes and having the same colour outfits on (she likes us to be "same").
As for strollers and high chairs and stuff, I got handmedowns for most of the stuff and picked up the rest at sales - its just a case of a teency bit of planning and you can have everything (more than you'd even thougth of) for so little money. And that's the way to do it.

GR8kidsX3
  • 20th Jun 2007 10:16pm

My children are now aged 12, 10 & 6 1/2. I found more pressure after I had my third child to be the perfect mother which also included being super organised.
I think when you have your first child you are so caught up in the "being a mother" that you don't seem to worry as much about the outside influences on how you look as you are so happy to spend all your spare time at home in your trackies or jeans and tshirt playing with your amazing addition to the world. But once you get kids off to school I have noticed the competion between mothers as to who has the coolest or best looking mum.
Then you also realise after baby one that there is more to life that just being a mum - you start to find yourself again once the kids get older and your relationship with your partner enters a new stage, your work becomes really important again and your friends take on a new role in your life as well and I think that with all the outside influences that you then start to become more aware again of how you look in society.
My main issue is still trying to be a "super mum" rather than looking perfect. By being super organised, cooking home made biscuits etc all that silly stuff, but I pull my head in by the end of the week when I am buggered and am dying for a Champagne!

jenny
  • 19th Jun 2007 03:28pm

There seems to be a mythical '12 months' grace period - until bub is 12 months old I don't think there is too much expectation to lose all the weight but after that the pressure is on, regardless of how topsy turvy life has become. My dietician tells me my priority is to get more sleep; until then any weight loss goals are somewhat unreaslistic!
In relation to toys, I actually feel more embarrassed when we have older generation visitors - 'oh look at all those toys! In my day they played with just a cardboard box and two straws' etc etc. I know loads of people with more toys than us, so do feel guilty when I try to keep new acquisitions to a minimum (although have little control over grandparents etc anyway).

kim
  • 18th Jun 2007 10:49am

I feel a lot of pressure to loose the baby weight. After my first child I weighed less than my pre baby weight by the time my son was 8 months old. I was under a lot of stress at the time and lived in a 2 storey home so had the advantage of forced excersise using the stairs daily. Now after my 2nd child, I am still heavy, we have moved house and are now on one level, so I don't have the stairs to help my weight loss. My husband is often the one who makes comment about my weight, telling me I'm unhappy with my weight and I should do something about it.
I only feel pressure to buy the latest for my children when we go to someone else's home or the toy stores and my son sees all the lovely toys he would love to have.
Most of my friends have older children and are back at work full time, so I find it hard to socialise with other parents with children of my son's age group.
My husband expects to come home to a cleaned home with dinner ready when he comes home. Sometimes it is very difficult to get things done with a baby and toddler at home and I get very frustrated that I can't get my jobs done.
My biggest concern as a mum is I worry that I spend too much time trying to keep my home in order and not enough time playing with my children.

jasibutton
  • 17th Jun 2007 09:46am

There is a pressure to slim down, but I've almost always been bigger, and actually lost weight while pregnant, even while scoffing an apple danish every morning for 9 months. I was 4kg lighter the day after she was born than the week I fell pregnant, and 15 months on, I'm 10+ kg lighter. I excercise for my own health reasons rather than social pressure. I seperated from my hubby 3 months after the birth, and have recently started a new relationship. This was a great incentive for me to look good and I felt great because of it. Only the bags under my eyes gave me away!!
As far as accessories etc are concerned, I do have a bugaboo.... Mum and Dad bought it for me, as it is their first grandchild and felt it was the most versatile pram on the market. I have the matching nappy bag too, plus a cheaper ebay one that matches as a back up. My daughter is very trendy with her clothes, but we quite happily mix hand me downs from friends with more expensive "designer" items. I refuse to buy her new jeans when the hand me down ones are just as good and twice as soft. Adults pay extra for preworn jeans!! Mums group has no pressure to be a Yummy Mummy, and to look good is a nice change from sitting at home in your pjs at noon because you're too tired to change.... I use any excuse to pop on a nice top and jeans and go out to the shops or park!!

aury
  • 15th Jun 2007 07:36pm

Shocked and disgusted by the media that pressures mummys to be yummy. I have 10months old twins and the last thing that i can think about at the moment is being sexy....or yummy. i strive every day to meet the immediate needs of my babies and husband and at the end of the day have just enough energy to roll into bed for a few hours sleep. Its a blessing I've been so busy i donot have time to pay attention the pressure
-I found the mothers groups to be a place were the baby Olympics is held. the constant comparison and bitchiness. put me off the place the second time i went to.
My biggest concerns as a new mum is if I'm doing a good job. i remember all the wrong things that my parents and in-laws did to their kids and try as much as i can to not repeat history. but its hard and a see a lot of my parents in me.

donna
  • 14th Jun 2007 02:58pm

'Damed if you do & damed if you don't'
Post baby i weighed 48kg, 7kg lighter than when i conceived. And the pressure, by family, was to put on weight! I Apart from the obvious sleep deprivation i was feeling great. Being a mum is tough enough and as long as you remember to breath and smile you are doing well!

JLudcke
  • 14th Jun 2007 12:48pm

I am a single mother of a seventeen month old daughter and I feel that every one feels that I have to be a "yummy mummy"

Kylie
  • 13th Jun 2007 02:06pm

I didn't feel any pressure to lose my baby weight afterwards, if anyone said how good I was looking I just said thanks - what else can you say? Your metabolism before pregnancy does not change because of a baby so if someone had trouble keeping weight off before than of course baby weight might be harder for them to lose. The day I fit back in my jeans was goal achieved for me - I did it for myself, I definately couldn't afford new clothes & wearing trackies out all the time isn't good for your self esteem. I still have the muffin top under my shirt and one day I will do something about it, for now its my medal of achievement. As for accessories, with our first we mainly shopped at Target, couldn't afford much more. For our second I upgraded the pram and splashed out on a Kapoochi Bag & Childcare highchair (with the fixed bar between the legs!). We also bought my older child a new Hipod booster seat and put bub in his old car seat as it had never been in any accidents. As we grew up with the basics I do tend to splurge on my children from time to time but only if I know its value for money. I don't need trendy accessories.

Rach
  • 12th Jun 2007 03:40pm

I think there is a lot of pressure to return to pre-baby weight. My daughter is now 7 weeks old and one of the first things people say to you when you see them, is gee you're looking well - you've lost weight. Normally they say this before they even ask how you are coping!
I had been pleasantly surprised by how much help is out there for me as a new mother. I had no idea there were phone numbers I could call 24hours a day if I had a drama! I must say it has been easier than I thought it would be and in some cases harder as well. People are always asking if my baby is a 'good baby'. What does that mean? She is as good as I would expect her to be- after all I figure she is learning, just like I am!!
I haven't really felt compelled to buy any of the fancy (and Expensive) baby accessories. It has made it somewhat easier for me as our family is on a budget, to compensate for the months where I am not at work. I would rather have the time off work with my new baby than buy a really expensive pram. We bought things that met the Australian standard and that were nice, not the cheapest or the dearest.
My biggest concerns are the safety of my child, now and in the future. I am worried of not being able to provide for her. I know she will always be surrounded by love but I do worry now that if my husband or I were to lose our jobs that life would be much more difficult and our daughter would miss out.

Katey
  • 11th Jun 2007 06:57am

There is not a great rush to get back to pre-baby weight here in NZ unless you are at celebrity status, I agree they do place a lot of pressure in the weekly magazines with pictures of all the American celebrities already back to their before baby self 1 month after giving birth - but it has got to take a toll on your body, too fast is not good for your health.
There is immense pressure to be seen buying and having all the 'right' things for your wee ones, everyone at the local coffee groups are always sizing up your accessories - even between friends. You feel insecure if you can't afford the most expensive things that everyone just has to have in order to be a good mother. Too much competition when you should be enjoying the precious moments you have with your babies before they grow up.

leat79
  • 8th Jun 2007 10:06pm

I've always been a bit anti-fashion, so if there is pressure from outside sources, I'm not feeling it. I've found, though, that the pressure I've put on myself to return to pre-baby weight (or something resembling it) is enormous.
Strangely, I've found that this pressure is heightened in the mother's groups that I've attended in the past. The unspoken atmosphere of competition and anxiety relating to this competition is almost overwhelming. In each of these groups, it was a pissing contest - whoever's baby was first in walking/crawling/sitting/solids/sleeping through - the list was endless. From this came who had gone back into exercise first, who had lost the most weight. The comparison was not friendly.
Maybe it was just those groups.

Anonymous
  • 8th Jun 2007 03:59pm

I have never felt the pressure to be yummy mummy until after my second child. I didn't lose all my baby weight after number 1, but when number 2 arrived I felt the pressure to fit back into my pre-baby jeans. After suffering post natal depression i have come to the conclusion I don't care anymore what my size is as long as I am happy and my bub's are healthy.

In regards to the latest baby accessories, Who cares what brand you own, My baby equipment is all Safe and does the job, and I did not pay an arm and a leg for it. There are better things to spend the money on that you or your baby will appreciate more.

The biggest concerns for me is making sure I am doing the right things by my baby, feeding the CORRECT foods and giving enough stimulation for growth, these things i have felt pressure with from other mum's especially from playgroup, i have been frowned upon for letting my child watch TV by others But, not really caring anymore, I do what i can to survive, if that means the TV goes on for 1/2 an hour for my own sanity then so be it.

wenjowade
  • 8th Jun 2007 03:49pm

The answer to this one is yes & no! I was really sick during my pregnancy & lost 15 kg so the issue of getting back to pre-preg. weight isn't really there (although I do still have a jelly belly cos I was so big!) However, because I was already large, I had all these hopes of getting out with the pram and walking everywhere etc especially since I feel so good cos I'm not throwing up anymore!. However, 6 weeks after giving birth and I find that my pelvis twisted during labour. I've been getting physio for the last 2 weeks but I'm still in a lot of pain, even just walking round the house. How can I be expected to be active? Besides the fact I have no clothes because I'm now a size smaller than before but its too painful to get out to shop!!

I think I put pressure on myself because I can't do what I want to do & I can't dress to make myself feel or look better and yet my friends & family have been so supportive & make me feel better on the inside so most of the time I cn talk myself into believing I look good on the outside too!

As for accessories, we tended to go for the more expensive mainly for quailty though, not fashion. We researched everything so thoroughly. There really is a lot out there for those who worry too much about their own image before their babies safety. And the sad thing is that there are companies willing to prey on these suckers!

brades71
  • 8th Jun 2007 10:14am

My daughter is now 3 1/2 years old. I gained 26kilo's when I fell pregnant, and I definately felt the pressure to be a 'yummy/mummy', maybe not intentionally, but I have always been a very fit person, and to go from a healthy 64kgs to 86kgs. I just spent most of my pregnancy and the few months afterwards feeling like a whale. When my 7 weeks was up, and I had been walking most days after 4 weeks, I went back to the gym. I lost a lot of weight, returned to the work force when she was 4 months old, as we couldn't afford for me to be a stay at home mum. I joined a work force where I felt I needed to look the part, and in 8 months I went from a size 14 to a size 8! I ran or gymed everyday, rain, hail or shine, while fitting in full time work. Probably not my proudest few months, but I'm now a very healthy size 12, having had a serious wake up call approximately 2 years ago whilst grocery shopping. I felt out of place in mothers group, not only in products, but in the care of my child, so I believe there is some pressure to 'succeed' as a mother. My biggest concerns as a new mum were having the support. I did not feel I had the support I needed, and felt no one understood what I was going through.

Nic
  • 7th Jun 2007 10:11pm

I was lucky as the first time around i lost all the baby weight quickly, but with my second child although i have done almost all things the same including breast feeding and excersing I am having trouble getting down to the pre baby body. As i look around at other women especially at my gym I feel pressure to look as good as i did before ,but on the otherhand i have had two beautiful babies and if being a little out of shape is the worst i get i think i can handle it. As for keeping buying for the babies i have never felt pressure to keep up with the other mums as i believe that you should only buy what you can afford. And babies can't read labels so as long as they are loved that;s all that matters.

Anonymous
  • 7th Jun 2007 09:57pm

I was pretty lucky to lose almost all of my weight after the birth of my first child and I truly believe breast feeding was the major contributor. I ate like a horse yet was lighter than when I was in high school. My son is now 18 months old and I think what's helped me keep the weight off is now running around after him and also we walk everywhere together rather than jumping in the car if only needing to go up to the shops, I am a stay at home mum who works nights so that I am able to care for him during the day and I wouldn't have it any other way. I will most likely go back to day work once he is attending school full time but for now I am happy that I'm experiencing all his milestones first hand and we have great fun together.

kaz
  • 7th Jun 2007 09:35pm

Yes i do feel a bit of pressure but fortunalty i did not put on much weight & have gone back to pre birth weight in about 7 months although things don't look the same. I justified my belly as i had a c section & therefore longer to excersie. I am not unrealistic & know that the magazines are crap & annoy me. however after a while u do get a little down with the new u that includes new lines, wrinkles, rolls & bumps. Its in photos that i hate seeing by post abay bellyI.
buy middle of the road. some products are just too too expensive but i prefer items from a baby shop than a retail shop eg k - mart, mainly for safety & quality. I don't have many freinds that are over the top- most are more concerned about how their kids are going than how they look, some have put on more weight.
My biggest concerns are the health & safety of my boys , including their cognitive development

NatZeg
  • 7th Jun 2007 09:10pm

I didn't feel pressure at all! After going through a very stressful time with my son after he was born I was back to my pre-baby weight within a month of having him - HOWEVER I found that once I stopped feeding him the weight started stacking on I it is SO hard to lose again now!! Especially when you are restricted to staying home for 5 hours during the day so that your child can sleep!!!

lisa1
  • 7th Jun 2007 08:49pm

I have two children, 3 and 5 months, and am of course a bit bigger than prekids. But I am still slimmer and weigh less than some of my friends/family who haven't any kids so my point is I don't feel the pressure to be the 'yummy mummy' type though I am not happy with my current figure. I felt more pressure to be slimmer and trendier etc before having my children. Having children has made me happier with myself and made me realise that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you etc only that you area good mother to your children, love them and provide for them well. I have two girls and intend on instilling in them a love and acceptance of themselves and to make them strong, independent, confident and determined so they won't (hopefuuly) fell inferior as I did growing up with societies expectations. some days are my confident days and others are sent unhappy with myself due to the media.

Deeva
  • 7th Jun 2007 08:35pm

Debbie,Stockton NSW. I lost my weight easily, I was lucky but many of my close friends didn't and I said to them that it doesn't make them a better Mum by being a perfect size it's all about how you care for them. Fair enough I'm an "old Mum" ,36yrs when I had my son but all they need is love and security not a "Yummy Mummy" who spends more time at the gym than rumbling with them just to look right. Then I struggled with Anorexia for 15 years and was extremely lucky to have my son and appreciate every day with him even though I struggle with arthritis and osteoporosis.

Deeva
  • 7th Jun 2007 08:30pm

I lost my weight easily, I was lucky but many of my close friends didn't and I said to them that it doesn't make them a better Mum by being a perfect size it's all about how you care for them. Fair enough I'm an "old Mum" ,36yrs when I had my son but all they need is love and security not a "Yummy Mummy" who spends more time at the gym than rumbling with them just to look right.

Trendy
  • 7th Jun 2007 08:15pm

I don't have time for make up & I have to tie my hair back or my 5 month old pulls it. I'm fortunate enough to be in a mother's group where they are all down to earth. Most of us walk to our regular meeting place & dress accordingly. I think some mum's do the walk to help lose weight!? I'd rather not spend $ on a new outfit, as & saved means I can delay going back to work & hence spend more time with my son which is most important!

kath
  • 7th Jun 2007 07:40pm

Yes i feel the pressure all the time not only are we expected to look after our babies, keep the house clean be happy and cheeryful for not only our husbands but for our friends and families. there is unneccessary pressure in having not only to do all of these things and regain our body weight also. my husband does not pressure me at all but many people can forget that there comments can be hurtful. some people forget that many of us do suffer the baby blue months after our bubs are born therefore contributing to emotional eating.

Anonymous
  • 7th Jun 2007 07:08pm

I am a first time mum who is 40. For the first 9 months of my sons life I lived in a trendy area of Perth and yes I did feel pressure to fit the yummy mummy mold and to buy all the latest and greatest stuff. But I generally didn't do it because I didn't really have the money and I couldn'tsee the point I didn't do the mother's group thing because I knew that it was going to be competitive and I hate that kind of thing. I worked in a very competitive environment for 15 years and don't need that now. .

I bought a cheapish pram and do regret that. I didn't do enough research first. But you don't need to buy the most expensive either. You just need to work out what you need. Ask other mum's. As for nursery furniture - I bought it all on ebay (new) and saved a fortune. I also made all the bedding and curtains which was great fun and allowed me to decorate his room in a theme without spending a fortune.

I also noticed that because I was a professional before having children there was a huge pressure to be the yummy mummy AND to go back to work. I did tend to dress up a bit when i went out and I did buy a fair few outfits from pumpkin patch etc when bub was small. But then I got a lot of hand me down clothes so i didnt have to buy any of the basics that cost so much. Now that I am having to buy all my little boys clothes I tend to buy them from Target or Best and Less. As he is a toddler he goes through 3 or 4 changes of clothes each day. It would be crazy to buy expensive clothes. I try to always have one nice "pumpkin patch" or similar outfit in each size - I might buy one pair of pants and a few tops to go with it. I still haven't gone back to work as I cant bear the thought of putting my little one in day care 5 days a week.


Since I have moved to a small seaside town I no longer feel the pressure as much to be a yummy mummy, although there are still plenty of women who are like that here as it is a fairly upmarket area. I havent lost a lot of my baby weight and yet when I see people who haven't seen me for a few years they all comment on how young I am looking (at 40). I guess motherhood must agree with me. But yes I would love to lose the weight. I do exercise every day but I find that I tend to eat more because I am at home and because my little boy has 3 meals a day plus snacks - its easy to fall into the trap. Bt I have just put myself on a sensible diet and I hope to be able to lose my remaining 10 kilos (I put on 20 kilos when I was pregnant). My little boy is now 16 months old.

Christy
  • 7th Jun 2007 06:59pm

My first baby is due in just three days time and i'm fairly slender but my bump was quite pronounced early on and working in retail it was amazing how many women would freely comment on how big i was and are they sure it's not twins etc? These comments really stung at first but weight gain hasn't been a point of concern for me. My priority has been eating as well as i can without indulging too often. I've also made sure i've stayed as fit as possible by going for a half hour waddle around the block several times a week.
Now ironically i'll get asked how long i've got to go and when i tell them and i'll get "but you're so small". Also meant in a negative way. Go Figure. So i've learnt to ignore (the occassional barb still gets in on an emotional day) the comments/ pressure from other women and I plan to continue after the birth.
What i really don't understand is why so many women seem to feel it's necessary to make such comments in the first place.

As for setting up the nursery for the bub we've had to buy everything as any of our friends who also have babies aren't able to pass things down yet, but i must confess that i don't like the idea of second hand very much anyway. My husband and i did a lot of research on saftey before buying anything and most of our purchases - especially the cot, pram and car seat - were influenced by this research rather than what was the most expensive/best brand, although on a couple of items this was one and the same.
Most of the clothes we have were bought by my mum over the past months when big w has sales and are mainly Bonds gro - suits. We also have some really cute outfits from target. I haven't bought anything that is brand name - pumpkin patch etc, the stuff from target and big w is just as good and i suspect that any designer clothes that are bub wears will have been presents, i'm not big on designer labels myself (i do have the odd peice or two) and i can't see it as a priority for my child either.
My biggest concern as a new mum is just to do everything right and to create a stable loving, family environment. I was brought up in a house where we bought things that were "average or slightly above", never the cheapest and rarely the most expensive. If we wanted the best we really had to save for it and it meant we really appreciated it. I don't feel pressure to have the brand names or luxury items but if it's something that i really want then i work hard for it and don't take it for granted and i hope that is something that i can pass on to my children.

Jo
  • 10th Jun 2007 02:14pm
My first baby is due in just three days time and i'm fairly slender but my bump was quite pronounced early on and working in retail it was amazing how many women would freely comment on how big i...

Good luck Christy. Hope all goes well with the birth

Squirrrel
  • 7th Jun 2007 05:30pm

When it comes to the latest & greatest baby products, everything I bought was based on budget and practicality. The nursery furniture was all handed down, and clothes came from Target and Best & Less.

However, when I joined a mum's group, I felt a bit like a cheapskate, as everyone else had co-ordinated and themed nursery furniture, Bugaboo or Emmaljunga prams, Pumpkin Patch and designer label outfits, $200 carry bags, enrolled at Gymbaroo, Mini Maestro's and swimming lessons, and you would have thought their children were sponsored by Fisher Price.

While initially a little bit envious, I realised quickly how much money I had saved and how my daughter was just as happy without those things. And as I'd hear them whinge about how their Emmaljunga wouldn't fit in the boot, or through a supermarket checkout, I realised brandname isn't always best.

My advice to first time mums - When you see another mum pushing her pram, ask her what she thinks of it. Ask other mums about the items they bought for their kids and if there were things they would have done differently. Don't waste money on expensive outfits because they grow out of things so quickly in their first year. And shop around! Do your research on the big ticket items, and buy what suits you best, not what suits Angelina or Posh Spice!

chill
  • 7th Jun 2007 04:37pm

YES.............well mostly, there are so many Trendy things and so 'much gotta have'.

moo72
  • 7th Jun 2007 04:08pm

Since having my son 3 and a half months ago (1st time Mum), my desire to have the right accessories and be trendy has simply gone out of the window. I would much prefer to have a happy baby, happy Mum and contented husband at home than look the part. However, I have had a number of comments from the 'older' generation as to when I will lose my baby weight. Having gained 22 kilograms during my pregnancy and now adding stretch marks to the body, people have commented that I 'should' lose the weight because 'they' did in their time. I say that it has taken 9 months to grow the weight and it will take 9 months or more to take it off, and I will do it on my own time, for me and no one else!
The only accessory my husband and I bought was a Bugaboo pram because of its light weight and ability to turn on a dime, however it had nothing to do with the pram being the 'in' thing. All other items have been borrowed or bought second hand because recycling is the better option, particularly as the items are used for such a short period of time.
My only expectation is to be a good Mum to my son and to care for him the best that I can. Products, accessories and being part of the 'in crowd' simply won't do that. It comes from the heart and for my son, I have a HUGE one!

Alicia
  • 7th Jun 2007 03:47pm

I am definately feeling the pressure. I see people looking at me and judging me on how fast I will bouce back, as I have always found it easy to stay in shape. It has only been 3 months, and I have lost the weight but still feel uncomfortable in my body. Other woman who I try and talk to about it are not simpathetic because all they see is a slender woman who has just had a baby and has had it too easy for too long.

With this being my first baby, I WANT him to have the best of the best. I make sure he looks very smart in the best of clothes every where we go. But at the same time I don't feel he has to, I am just fortunate that I can afford these things for him. Both my husband and myself had rough child hoods, so we want Liam to have the best of every thing.

As far as expectations go, parents are expected to have happy healthy babies. To do this you don't need the best of every thing, you just need plenty of love and devotion.

My biggest concern would be his weight. He is the only breast feed baby out of all my friends, and he just donesn't put on weight as fast as the formula feed babies.

Tabby Cat
  • 7th Jun 2007 03:14pm

I now weigh more than the day bub "popped" out!!! Due to being extremely ill during pregnancy I lost 12kg in the first 6 months, then put on 2kg just before my gorgeous daughter was born six weeks prem. So I had nothing to lose, but found that after literally starving for six months during pregnancy I went overboard making up for it after she was born, so now I weigh the most I have ever weighed in my life and am not too pleased about it I must confess!! Has anyone else had a similar experience?

As for accessories, we unfortunately are not rich, so we do the best we can, when we are able to splurge on our little cherub, we do! Before she was born I was given mountains of clothes from friends and family whose bub was onto the next size, but we are now finding we have to buy clothes ourselves. Although I do love a lot of the clothes available in shops such as Pumpkin Patch, I also find that Best and Less have some gorgeous clothes for bubs, so a fair amount of her wardrobe has come from there!
I have also found that the mums at my Mothers group, are huge on labels, such as Rip Curl, etc and many others that I have never heard of!

Naturally as a new mum, my biggest concerns are, and always will be my daughters health, safety and happiness and that no matter how much she thinks I love her, she could never know just how much that truely do love her!

Isildae
  • 7th Jun 2007 03:13pm

I was fortunate to get back to my pre-preg weight within two weeks after having each of my three boys. I put this down to breastfeeding. I certainly made no special attempts to diet. On the whole I don't feel any pressure to 'compete' with other mothers. For us, it's a matter or prioritising. It would be nice to have a smart new pram instead of the daggy old second-hand green thing I make do with. But I can think of better things to spend the money on (a trip to the UK!) and I'm conscious of the environment so if something still has life in it, I will use it rather than buy something new.

Many of my friends insist of having matching linen for the nursery or will only buy certain brand names. That isn't important to me. As long as it is safe and does the job, it's for me.

My biggest concern after my first son (now 7) was born was his health. Was he getting enough milk etc. He was a very placid baby but I still allowed myself to get overwhelmed by all the different advice instead of trusting my instincts.

My youngest is now 10 months old. My biggest concerns when I came home from the hospital was how I would cope with three children, how the older two would adjust to having a baby in the house.

nomad
  • 7th Jun 2007 02:18pm

I just go about my everyday life I don't really care what others in the community think I look like or not. The main person I have to please is myself and if I'm happy then thats all that matters as far as I'm concerned. My husband knows thats how I feel and he doesn't pressure me to change my appearance in anyway as he knows I'll tell him where to get off.

Sonet
  • 7th Jun 2007 01:31pm

I didn't care what I looked like during my first pregnancy and after my daughter was born....I took the theory eating for 2 too literally - I am 8 months pregnant now with my 2nd child and have definitely taken a different toll on this pregnancy. I am much more conservative with eating.

I don't want to be a "yummy mummy" because I think there are too many pressures on us as mothers/woman to worry about the shallowness of jumping back into our pre-pregnancy bodies - lets face it, along with stretchmarks, saggy boobs and ceaser cuts, not many of us could ever go back to being the way we were.

Woman of today are not accepting enough of their bodies and there are too many eating disorders going around as it is.

HUMMINGBIRD
  • 7th Jun 2007 01:15pm

I HAVE NEVER BEEN A VERY IMAGE CONCIOUS PERSON SO I FELT NO PRESSURE. BUT I DID LOOSE MY BABY WEIGHT PRETTY EASILY. LOTS OF WALKS WITH BUB AND DRINKING PLENTY OF WATER. IT WAS NICE WHEN PEOPLE COMPLEMENTED ME ON HOW GOOD I LOOKED SO SOON AFTER GIVING BIRTH. BUT BEING A YUMMY MUMMY DOESN'T MAKE YOU A GOOD MUM. BEING A LOVING MOTHER DOES. I DON'T RUSH OUT AND BUY THE LATEST TOYS OR CLOTHES MY DAUGHTER WEARS LOTS AO HAND ME DOWNS AS MY TWIN SISTER HAS A DAUGHTER 13 MONTHS OLDER THAN MY DAUGHTER. I THINK THE BIGGEST CONCERN AS A NEW MUM IS AM I DOING THINGS RIGHT. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT MY MUM TOLD ME. TRUST YOUR OWN MOTHER'S INSTINCT AND IT IS USUALLY RIGHT.

Mic
  • 7th Jun 2007 12:44pm

I certainly feel it and I am 31 weeks pregnant with my first child.
The minute I announced I was pregnant people started calling me Yummy Mummy at the office.

I really do want to get to my original weight as soon as possible as I worked really hard to acheive it before I became pregnant with excercise and diet. People are used to seing me thin and are all saying I will be back in shape in a matter of weeks!!! oh no pressure there!

As for the brand name accessories......... well if you can afford them then buy them. People around me are falling into that trap but for me on a tight budget, I find it more important to buy something that is safe for my baby and in my price range.

My biggests concerns right now are of course labour haha! but seriously the health of my baby and also how I will cope financially. as my pregnancy was unexpected and not budgeted for!

CompletelyUniqueNickname
  • 7th Jun 2007 12:34pm

I am feeling a bit of self-imposed pressure to get back in shape quickly after my baby is born, but I think that is more to do with how clumsy I feel now rather than a desire to bounce back like the celebrities do. I've loved watching my body change with pregnancy, but I am looking forward to feeling fit and agile again afterwards.
An interesting thing I have noticed among the women I work with though is that they feel they have to tell me I haven't gained much weight and I'm looking fantastic. I know I have changed shape considerably along with my growing bump, so I find it interesting that women feel they need to give these kind of "compliments" and imply that my body hasn't changed.
I haven't experienced any pressure (yet?) when it comes to products or brands, but no doubt that will come once the baby arrives and I have more exposure to mothers groups, childcare and the like.

bekki254
  • 7th Jun 2007 11:48am

As I gazed at the scales at my obstrician appointment yesterday the pressure of returning back to pre-baby weight came crashing down onto my shoulders. I feel an enormous amount of pressure to lose this weight and know that society also see it this way. I am already formulating a plan on how to lose the weight and I am yet to experience the thrill of seeing my baby for the first time. A sad society we live in.

Alina0210
  • 7th Jun 2007 11:48am

its not really that you have to have allthe right accessories but its more that you have to look like you have stepped out of the hair salon, and looking trim and terrific.... yes i have had a baby, but no i can't lose the 12kgs i put on during hte pregnancy over night, plus i have a baby belly which is hard to get rid of...

Mellie
  • 7th Jun 2007 11:46am

I haven't even had my baby yet (another 4 weeks) and I'm being asked what I'm going to do to lose the pregnancy weight.

shannant
  • 7th Jun 2007 11:18am

I don't feel the need to be a Yummy Mummy, but then I was never really one to succumb to peer pressure even as a teen. I know some of the girls in my mothers group though lamented their post baby bodies and joined the gym together to get back into shape. Some of them are also very fashion conscious (I can't get enough of my track pants after many years in the corporate world!)

I'm not concerned with up to date accessories. I looked for babies things that offered what I needed for the best price. The Bugaboo looks swanky but my Beema Q does the same job for a fraction of the price. (Alas, it didn't some with a matching nappy bag!!)

My biggest concerns as a new mum are making sure my babies (14mo & 2 mo) grow up to be well adjusted, happy adults (I say as 14mo son eats a crayon!) and have very little to do with how yummy I am!

Gavoan
  • 7th Jun 2007 10:22am

Just gave birth a month ago and I also have a 2yr old.b I'm .lucky that I only gain the baby weigh and since reaching my 30's I've developed a very positive attitude when it comes to my body...So in regards to the question of feeling any pressure to be a 'Yummy Mummy', I don't feel it because I am a Yummy Mummy!!

smiley
  • 7th Jun 2007 10:14am

My second child is just 3 weeks old and I have had no pressure to be a yummy mummy, in fact a lot of people have commented on how good I look. The pressure is coming from myself to lose the weight and get back into shape so I can fit back into my clothes! plus I have a deadline before I have to go back to full time work!
My first child I had in 1993 and because I was a lot younger (22) I don't recall any pressure to lose the weight, mind you it was a lot easier and as at that time I was in the Army when I went back to work I had no trouble in getting back into shape & fit.
As to accessories I don't feel like I have to have the most up to date, I have what I can afford. I am not out to impress anybody!

isaacsmum
  • 7th Jun 2007 10:13am

I didn't really feel the pressure ...... at first! But even after the wieght is back to pre-birth, you still have the stretchmarks, the bulge and feeling sore (especially down there because I needed quite a few stitches). With dealing with the demands and challenges of a newborn, your appearance rarely counted as a priority. It took a while, but I finally decided that I was happy with my new body and am proud of the stretchmarks.
As for the latest accessories, we bought the best that we could afford (which is middle of the range). I admit that I did experience bugaboo-envy at times but I know that I could and would never be able to justify spending over $1000 for a pram.
My biggest concern as a new mum was a healthy and happy baby. I had lots of trouble with breastfeeding. I ended up giving up completely when the baby was 9 weeks. I felt so guilty. In hindsight, I should have given up before I really couldn't cope as it would have eased a lot of tension for the baby, my husband and myself. An anxious mother is not good for anybody, least yourself. My baby just turned one and he has thrived on the bottle.
My concern now is childcare and dealing with the guilt of returning to work.
When does the guilt go away when you are a modern working mum, juggling everything!?!

Ali
  • 7th Jun 2007 09:49am

I was lucky enough to bounce back pretty quickly after the birth of my children, not toned though!! Sure there is pressure to get your figure back and unfortunately it comes at a time when you are adjusting to motherhood, breastfeeding, not working, and having another little person dictate your daily schedule. I did join the gym after my 2nd and put them in the creche but my youngest would cry and scream when I left him - the guilt was unbearable, I felt so selfish. Started going at night after hubby finally managed to get home from work, definitely didn't get the best out of my body or workout because by then I was too tired.
Noticed the huge trend about accessories, especially the Bugaboo prams (overhead at DJ's yesterday they are on backorder because of the huge demand) at over $1,300 a pop not sure how happy first time mums will be once they realise you have to sit a sticky messy baby and then toddler in it! We purchased items that rated high on the Australian Standards and that met our needs and they are still going strong. Although 4 1/2 years ago there was nothing like the Bugaboo around!

NewMum
  • 7th Jun 2007 09:48am

I have always been lucky enough to be naturally slender. I Ceroc dance to keep my body in shape - no other excercise whatsoever. My daughter is now 2 months old and I look about 4 months pregnant. As I am slight of frame, the bump is very obvious. Most people (innocently) ask me when I am due. Have just started dancing one night a week, but that's not going to be enough. Am seriously thinking of buying a stomach cruncher or some other gadget from the daytime infomercials! I know its early days, but I know my body - this is going to be one hell of a battle to win my flat tummy back.

Vicks
  • 7th Jun 2007 09:28am

Yep, I feel like the people I visit (who I use to work with) give me the head to toe look and then tell me if am looking good. My son is almost 9 months old and I put on 30kg with him. I just go for a few walks a week with him, play with him, take the dog walking on weekends and generally eat well. I am 7kg away from my pre-baby weight...doing it my way! Trying to be a yummy mummy was a big contributor to me developing PND because I was trying to live up to all these expectations derived from the media, other people, GParents etc I had to learn to let things go / just let things happen and deal with them when they do.
Who can afford the most up to date accessories????? The prices are ridiculous. Retailers are certainly cashing in on this baby boom!

joey
  • 7th Jun 2007 09:25am

I have been fortunate to be smaller now than before i even had two children.My body shape has certainly changed especially around the waiste.I contribute this to been too busy and i still snack on the wrong foods.
I do not feel pressure to be a yummy mummy but still take pride in my appearance(though only when i go out).There are many days when i simply dont have time to do my hair nicely.
I really believe at this stage in life you realise that your children are your priority and can be easy to loose sight of your goals.This is a precious stage in your life and you should try and enjoy your time with your little ones.

Anonymous
  • 7th Jun 2007 09:17am

I have never been one to follow the latest trends, and thankfully, my daughter is the same and always has been. I am more grateful to have a beautiful and healthy daughter with her big brown eyes and lovely hair than to know that she is wearing designer underwear. Personally, I would much rather spend more money on taking her out or away somewhere and having a great time with her than wheeling her around in a flashy and expensive pram that she won't need for much longer than a blink anyway! Enjoy your kids and teach them better values and be happy with who you are.

KG
  • 7th Jun 2007 09:04am

I felt there has been some pressure to lose the weight. I lost the weight very quickly with the first and it is taking a little longer with number 2 who is 4 months old. My husband tells me I had looked the best I had looked before I fell pregnant with the second and I think the pressure is mainly from myself to get back to that.

In regards to the most up to date things. I would like them but can not always afford them but I made sure when I bought for my first baby I bought good quality so that it would last for as many children as I would have. Number one had alot as I had been full time with no expenses before she was born but number 2 has gone a lot of hand me downs. And they are still good. I am also lucky to have grandparents who like to help although I do not rely on them.

Lady T
  • 7th Jun 2007 09:00am

There is big pressure not only to get back to your original weight almost immediately but also to look great in the latest fashion and accessories (yours and babys), and at the same time be totally inlove with motherhood.

Sim-one
  • 7th Jun 2007 08:59am

When i fell pregnant with my daughter this time last year, there was alot of pressure on me to put on weight, I just couldn't seem to do it! I was eating like a horse, yet my parents and friends asked me if I was starving myself becuase I hadn't put on weight. The doctor closely monitored my weight the whole time and I was pressured to keep eating and eating even though I was already eating more than my husband and father combined! In the end I only put on about 10 kilos and gave birth to a 4.5 kilo child, lost all my weight within a week and a half and still copped flak that I wasn't looking after myself. Talk about being on the opposite end of the deal! if I'd gained heaps of weight, I would have garnered criticism and becuase I didn't put on a huge amount of weight, I still got criticised. Can't win really.
There were many friends and a sister pregnant around the same time as me and the pressure was huge to have the latest and greatest toys, clothes etc. I didn't fold, couldn't afford to with a mortgage and having to upgrade the car to include the baby, it just wasn't worth it. And anyways, I'm happy with my little hand me downs from friends who's children have grown up, saved us so much money in the end!

My biggest concern as a New Mum? Whether or not I can provide for my family both in security, financially help out, and hopefully get this crazy Mum thing right! I'm sure the nurses threw away the instruction manual for babies in the hospital.

hails81
  • 7th Jun 2007 08:55am

There is certainly some pressure, people will comment always on first the baby, then how you are looking. I've always been slim and felt the need to get back to close to my pre-pregnancy weight quickly.
Because I was always thin, people would comment that I would loose the weight "so easily" after the birth... as though it wouldn't be hard for me. That made the expectation so much worse as they think that "once a slim person- always a slim person", and that I should just "snap back".
My son is 3 1/2 months old and within 3weeks of the birth I was 3.5kgs over pre-preg weight without doing anything (I put on 18kgs). I wasn't permitted to excercise due to torn stomach muscles. That extra weight has remained ever since and breastfeeding has not helped loose any extra weight. I had a virus last week and have just lost 2 kilos... so now I've got 1.5to go. I'm not worried or trying to loose that weight now as I feel that I need it for breastfeeding anyway.

mell01
  • 7th Jun 2007 08:50am

I didn't feel like that at all. 37 y.o. well 36 when bub was born & he's now 4 mths, I was busy trying to get hand-me-downs or things off ebay. Now that I am older I (ie not my flippant 23 yo I definitely was) find that fashion quickly goes out of fashion, so why waste the $$. If I can save cash when bubba is young then we will hopefully have a little bit more when he is older and can spend it on a nice family holiday when he will remember things. Yes I wanted to return to my pre-pregnancy shape, and because I never got too big that wasn't an issue for me & I'm trying to maintain it (just by getting out with the stroller & going for walks) The main reason for this is I just don't have the money to spend on buying clothes & not to mention bra's, the next size up Was out at the Sydney pregnancy, baby & child's expo this last week & couldn't believe the prices on many things it's all so expensive to have the latest items. I think I do have a little laugh at the yummy mummies. I wonder if they are happy with the person on the inside if they are so worried about how people are judging them on their exterior.
My biggest concern is how society has become a 'must-have-it-now'! Keeping up with the Jones, how materialistic we are. I think we forget to appreciate things. I see it in my partners other 2 kiddies & it's just horrible. We grew up with one tv & what the grown-ups watched, we watched, none of this go into another room to watch it. Kids always seem to be put first, though it is important to encourage them, they do need to learn that life doesn't always give you what you want & you need to learn to hear the word No & face disappointments.

heymama
  • 7th Jun 2007 08:44am

I am a first time Mum at 30 (remember 30 is the new 20!!) and I think it's mothers who put the pressure on themselves to be superstars. The "Holly Wood baby boom" Katie Holmes, Gwen Staffani, Princess Mary, Posh Beckham etc etc obviously puts some degree of pressure on mothers to shape up quickly, but there is more to being a good mother than fitting into size 10 jeans.
I found that after the birth of my son, especially after having to put my entire life and carreer on "pregnant pause", I lost a lot of my "old Identity". I was home alone all day, (for the first time after 14 years working full time) with a new baby, and was really conscious of not turning into a couch potato. No-one wants to have a baby and end up looking like a total slob, so I think it's only natural to want to look at least half way decent. I made sure I was in good shape during pregnancy and breast fed my son, and these two things alone really did help me lose all my pregnancy weight in 3 months. I actually feel a lot better after giving birth as I am paying more attention to the quality of food I eat . I am in no way a diet or excercise freak but I do watch the quantity/portion size, and do try and do some sort of activity each day.
I think it was my husband who went into a buying frenzy with regards to baby accessories- he thought we had to have one of everything from the baby catalogue "just to be on the safe side" We bought a BugaBoo- but for its design and quality, not for its "snob-status". We bought a plain Boori cot- not the most expensive, but very safe and solid, a high quality matress- which we considered more important than a fancy cot. We also bought an Angel Care sound and movement monitor, which has really given peace of mind since our baby has slept in his cot in his own room from about 6 weeks old. We also bought a Tommy Tippee Nappy Wrapper & Baby Bjorn Sling which we find really useful, and McLaren rocking chair, and a baby bath that are pretty useless as they have been outgrown and my son is only 4 months old. We also bought lots of other little toys and sleeping CD's and clothes and a musical mobile. I would say we bought too many little things too soon- wait and see what you need before making the purchase!!! Also, things like baby rocking chair and musical mobile really go through batteries like you wouldn't believe, so put a rechargeable battery set on your shopping list, or give these items a miss.
I feel growing pressure on- what to feed my son- big boom on organics which is great and what I will give as solids, which baby products to use- I especcially avoid anything with petrochemical or paraben base which Huggies and Johnsons and Johnson's are both based on- we use and love Gaia products, also which disposable nappies to use- while I would prefer to use an "eco friendly" nappy, I found they are not as absorbant or well fitted as Huggies- which I have found to be the overall best.
My biggest concern as a new Mum is being able to afford to continue to be a stay at home mum. It's difficult going from two incomes down to one, and with the magazines constantly harping on about the growing cost of raising a child $380 000 to $500 000!!!! this is an area of concern.
As parents, we have the duty and responsibility to ensure we provide an environment that affords our son every opportunity to live a life full of love, joy, abundance and gratitude. I think it's the positive attitude of parents and their commitment to raising children with strong fundamental family based values that is so much more important than hvaing every toy and gadget known to man.

maryanne
  • 21st Jun 2007 10:24am
My first baby is due in just three days time and i'm fairly slender but my bump was quite pronounced early on and working in retail it was amazing how many women would freely comment on how big i...

This is my personal bug bear so sorry for the rant but I think that the pressure to be a yummy mummy and have the latest everything is evident when you try to buy clothes for your child. All of the practical clothes that I was dressed in as a bub, eg. all in one suits and leggings with feet, are so hard to find. Everything seems to be designer outfits, even at Big W and places like that. These type of clothes when you do find them are often labelled as PJ's. I took my son out in wondersuit the other day and a friend asked why I was taking him out in PJ's. I'm just trying to keep my son warm and not be concerned by fashion trends!

maryanne
  • 10th Jun 2007 01:55pm
I am a first time Mum at 30 (remember 30 is the new 20!!) and I think it's mothers who put the pressure on themselves to be superstars. The "Holly Wood baby boom" Katie Holmes, Gwen Staffani,...

Thanks heymama. Anyone else got tips on what not to buy for a newborn? Something you think is a good idea at the time, but you hardly ever used?

Belinda
  • 7th Jun 2007 08:40am

I definitely don't feel any pressure to get back to my original weight. My Husband loved my body before my twins, during both my pregnancies & even after my 3rd child was born - with countless stretch marks and saggy boobies. He still says he loves my bum!

I think it's sad that people feel they have to buy the most up to date accessories for their baby. Who really cares. As long as it does the job. Everyone is so busy worrying about their own lives that no-one cares what everyone else is doing. I bet you can't remember the stroller brands all your friends use?

My friends are all similar to me - I actually joined a playgroup when my twins were around 18 months - but stopped going shortly after as I realised they were all more concerned with what type of DVD player they installed in the back of their big 4WD's - rather than the important issues of having children.

My biggest concerns as a new Mum were that I could manage my life with twins, have happy contented babies, cope with the lack of sleep & keep up to date with housework & my 16 (or more) bottles of formula per day.

There are too many aspects of being a new Mum to be grateful for - to worry about silly things like peer pressure. If you do feel like that, I suggest you find a more supportive group of friends!

maryanne
  • 7th Jun 2007 08:37am

I feel the pressure a little - I also pressure myself as I need to lose the weight because I can't afford new clothes!! I'm not too concerned about accesories I just want my baby to have useful things that are necessary not the latest fad!

Miss Heather
  • 7th Jun 2007 08:35am

Didn't feel any pressure as I am fortunate enough to have one of those bodies that went back pretty much straight away without any help! I didn't like getting those comments even though they mean well "you look great, you are got back to pre baby very quickly" as our bodies have minds of their own and mine just did it's own thing. I have friends who did feel alot of pressure as they wanted more children and wanted to lose the weight before they started to try again and yes they had to work at it.
In regards to baby accessories, well, we were of the opinion purchase good to start with as it will be used again for the next one, and this has been true. We have had to purchase hardly anything for the second boy, clothes inclued. We didn't spend oodles on designer brands but we did purchase what we considered to be best for us and that was a Valco runabout pram as you can put a toddler seat on the front for when you have two and my husband likes to run and uses the pram to take the boys for a run. The cot we also put alot of thought into, and ended getting a Boorie cot that converted into a bed when my son was older enough and then can be used as a lounge in their room when they have finished with the bed, it was a great transition for him then to go into a single bed and also gave us time to think of what to do before my second son came along, he now uses that cot. And no, I don't purchase expensive $90 jeans but I do like my boys to look good so I purchase what I consider to be good (esprit, pumpkin patch, JK kids and cotton on kids) and again can be used for the my second son. You have to upgrade your first child's clothes every season and they are now being used for my second son.
It really is best to just go with what suits you and what is best for your kids, after all that's what is all about!

Heather

Aaurora
  • 7th Jun 2007 08:32am

I am not even pregnant (will be at the end of the year, hopefully!) and already I am concerned about losing the baby weight.

Charli_girl
  • 7th Jun 2007 08:12am

i don't necessarily feel the pressure to be one, but i did get a lot of negative feedback after baby was born, not because of the weight i had gained, but lost.

Within minutes of birth, i was 5kg over my pre-preg weight. the next day (after all the fluid was lost), i was 3kg over. I was at my pre-preg weight within 2 weeks. I had so many people tell me that i was damaging myself & my baby. i had not set out to lose the weight that quickly (not that i am complaining), but to tell a new mother that she is selfish & irresponsible for losing weight when it was just my metabolism is a recipe for disaster.

Anyway, despite this, and some extended baby blues, i have a healthy, happy little boy who has met all of the expected milestones, and more.

there are so many pressures that we put on ourselves that are so unnecessary. i don't need a $1500 pram, or a $180 dress for my 6 month old, or any other such ridiculous notions. i need a healthy, intelligent, well-adjusted child who knows that he is loved.

still tough though

Anonymous
  • 7th Jun 2007 08:07am

I always put on alot of weight in pregnancy and with my first 2 I struggled and never actually lost any of it but with my 3rd child I actually lost all of the weight plus more that I had put on since having my 1st baby So yes, the pressure this time around with baby number 4 is pretty high.
I dont feel pressured to have all the latest 'trendy' things. If my children need something I buy whats suitable at a reasonable price. I do spoil my kids a little bit when I can and I do like them to look good but there are plenty of shops out there (Target, kmart etc) that have really nice, good quality things at a good price. It doesnt bother me if my friends have more expensive things than me, I am not competitive about trivial things like what sort of shoes my kids wear or what kind of bag I have to put nappies in.

sharon.nz
  • 7th Jun 2007 07:35am

I breast fed both my babies and more struggled with keeping the weight on rather than losing it, I am a slender build anyway and struggled to stay above 7 stone so I guess I was lucky. As for all the trendy accessories, I was grateful to have received a lot of clothes, baby equipment from friends so didnt have any choice fro brand names etc. My children were 7 years apart and I did notice my stoller wasn'tas trendy as everyone elses at the school gate but that didn't worry me, mine was functional and that was what was more important!
My biggest concern as a new Mum was the health and happiness of my children, and seeing them now as a well adjusted teenager and 9 year old I like to think I have succeeded so far.

Sharon NZ

lodz_au
  • 7th Jun 2007 06:38am

I had my son 5 years ago and when I fell pregnant I was about a size 18, 80 - 90 kgs and I gained about 30 kgs, one, because he was a big baby, 8.9kgs and I had cravings for cinnamon donuts. I have gone up and down in weight over the past 5 years, from 100kgs to 120. I've recently lost 20kgs because my car broke down just after christmas and I couldn't afford to fix it and was walking my son to school every day. It was REALLY hard at first, especially coming back up the hill to go home but it got easier and I found I could still eat what I want and still lose weight. I never really cared about being a yummy mummy and some people are lucky they lose the weight straight away and some leave hospital in their pre-pregnancy jeans!!. I still wore maternity clothes for a long time after, mainly because I still liked the top/jeans, but I would have to wear a belt with the jeans. It had one of those pouch things that go over your stomach, not the jeans that sit under your belly. But I liked the cut, style and fit, so I still sometimes wear them but I need another belt otherwise they still fall down. I probably regret not getting nice clothes. At the time they didn't really have boutiques like Egg maternity and I dont' think they had pregancy clothes at pumpkin patch and I didn't want to spend alot of money so I got daggy t shirts and stretchy maternity skirts from Kmart. But if you are cheap, you look like you don't put in much effort, but now they have really nice maternity clothes at Kmart etc and I see some stuff that is really nice and I like it but you can tell a maternity shirt because its longer at the front or has that maternity top look, if you know what I mean.

When I had my son, it was just an $800 baby bonus. I bought a two in one cot/junior bed from ikea with matching change table, he had that until he was about 4, I didn't get a fancy pram, my parents helped out with a car seat, jolly jumper and I never had anything like a diaper genie or monitors or anything like that. And if i was to have another child, i probably wouldn't get that stuff anyway, you don't really need those things, they're nice to have, just like having Chanel makeup is nice, but Revlon is just as good sometimes, if you know what I mean, you don't need the fancy stuff to have a happy and healthy baby but if it keeps mum sane, then i'm all for it. Like those swinging things you put the baby in.

I don't think I had any major worries when he was a baby but now its my mother telling me what to do all the time, its double standards with her, she tells me not to give him junk but then a few days later he's having McDonalds with them.

Anonymous
  • 13th Jun 2008 11:26am
I am a first time Mum at 30 (remember 30 is the new 20!!) and I think it's mothers who put the pressure on themselves to be superstars. The "Holly Wood baby boom" Katie Holmes, Gwen Staffani,...

I don't think the baby bonus is an incentive to have a baby especially to those who already have kids and know that the cost of providing for them never ends. But it was helpful we used it to keep up my car payments while i am off work and also to take our other kids out and buy them a few new things so that they didn't feel left out. I think that if they did increase it even more it may entice some people to have a baby for the wrong reasons.

Diwalshy
  • 21st May 2008 10:05am
I am a first time Mum at 30 (remember 30 is the new 20!!) and I think it's mothers who put the pressure on themselves to be superstars. The "Holly Wood baby boom" Katie Holmes, Gwen Staffani,...

I dont believe the baby bonus is an incentive, but rather a nice reward, that helped us pay bills whilst I was not working and not getting any paid income! I dont believe it should be more, but rather have paid maternity leave for at least 6 months. The goverment pays people to stay home whilst they are not working, what about mother's staying home to look after their kids, we get no incentive or assistance (well depending on your circumstances and the amount of money you made that financial year). It just not fair on working families trying to make it!

NewMum
  • 23rd Jan 2008 10:01pm
I am a first time Mum at 30 (remember 30 is the new 20!!) and I think it's mothers who put the pressure on themselves to be superstars. The "Holly Wood baby boom" Katie Holmes, Gwen Staffani,...

I don't think the bonus is any incentive to have a baby, for me at least. No amount of money could match the reward a baby can give. BTW, our baby bonus went almost before it got into the account! Being a 40+ mum, I decided to play it safe and have an obstetrician and have my baby under private hospital care. The bonus almost covered that, plus the costs of last minute elective caesarian.

AprilR
  • 15th Dec 2007 05:29pm
I am a first time Mum at 30 (remember 30 is the new 20!!) and I think it's mothers who put the pressure on themselves to be superstars. The "Holly Wood baby boom" Katie Holmes, Gwen Staffani,...

It was a nice reward, it enabled us to get some nice gear for baby and take some extra time off work.

angelskies
  • 17th Nov 2007 03:28pm
I am a first time Mum at 30 (remember 30 is the new 20!!) and I think it's mothers who put the pressure on themselves to be superstars. The "Holly Wood baby boom" Katie Holmes, Gwen Staffani,...

the baby bonus is an unsuccessful policy it hasn't risen the birth rate to a great degree and has pushed back opinions on young parents and single parents socially by decades! I'm curious though about peoples thoughts about the policy put forward by family first for $10k payment to have a 3rd child, would it help you make the decision to have another child and would it affect your family dynamics?

(keep in mind its never going to happen but I thought its an interesting talking point)

shaza
  • 21st Sep 2007 11:56am
I am a first time Mum at 30 (remember 30 is the new 20!!) and I think it's mothers who put the pressure on themselves to be superstars. The "Holly Wood baby boom" Katie Holmes, Gwen Staffani,...

i think the baby bonus is a nice reward , because we are low income earners we made sure we had everything for the baby before i gave up working , and we made sure we paid everthing in advance so we would cope after i had the baby , so we only had a small dept to pay when we got the bonus . we used it to go and visit her grandparents when she was four wks old and half of it has stayed in the bank in case of any emergencys , its now helping us to buy our first home .

Bindy
  • 30th Jul 2007 10:03am
I am a first time Mum at 30 (remember 30 is the new 20!!) and I think it's mothers who put the pressure on themselves to be superstars. The "Holly Wood baby boom" Katie Holmes, Gwen Staffani,...

Incentive to have a baby!! Not a chance. Babies cost A LOT MORE than what the baby bonus offers. It makes me laugh if people think that is an incentive for teenagers or women to have kids. I believe it is a fantastic reward at a time when you realise every penny helps.
should it be more? well i would love to say yes but if it was to be more i think the best option would to stagger the payment into a few lump sums over a year.

DEL
  • 22nd Jul 2007 11:23am
I am a first time Mum at 30 (remember 30 is the new 20!!) and I think it's mothers who put the pressure on themselves to be superstars. The "Holly Wood baby boom" Katie Holmes, Gwen Staffani,...

Even though I'm not a Howard fan, I doubt the $4000 (soon to be 5k) was ever expected to be the be-all-and-end-all incentive. It was designed to make it "a little" easier. Very optimistic though, as you have all mentioned, children cost a hell of a lot more to raise. If the offer of $4000 changed anyone's mind that originally thought they couldn't afford it, they should seriously re-think because as great as it was to get, it gets spent faster than you can imagine and you are still left with a child to raise. Unfortunately, in today's world, family finances have become a major factor in how many children we have.

Anonymous
  • 18th Jul 2007 10:08am
I am a first time Mum at 30 (remember 30 is the new 20!!) and I think it's mothers who put the pressure on themselves to be superstars. The "Holly Wood baby boom" Katie Holmes, Gwen Staffani,...

HI EVERYONE, (IM NEW TO THIS) I THINK THAT THE BABY BONUS WAS A GREAT HELP FOR ME PERSONALY CAUSE I ALREADY HAD THREE YOUNGSTERS SO WHEN WE FOUND OUT I WAS PREGGERS AGAIN WE WERE SHOCKED WE JUST GOT A NEW USED CAR AND SPENT OUR SAVING ON THAT SO AFTER WE HAD OUR NEWEST LITTLE BUNDLE OF BUM IN THE FAMILY WE NEEDED A BIGGER CAR LOL SO THATS HOW THE BONUS HELPED MY FAMILY BUT AS FOR HAVING A BABY FOR THE BONUS YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE PRITTY BONKERS IT COSTS SOOOOO MUCH MORE TO RAISE THEM THEN A FEW $$$$ TO START WITH MY PREGNANCY WAS VERY UNEXPECTED I WAS VERY SUPPRISED BUT I COULDNT OF ASKED FOR A BETTER BABY BOY THANKS FOR LETTING ME SHARE

Anonymous
  • 16th Jul 2007 02:16pm
I am a first time Mum at 30 (remember 30 is the new 20!!) and I think it's mothers who put the pressure on themselves to be superstars. The "Holly Wood baby boom" Katie Holmes, Gwen Staffani,...

The baby bonus was no consideration when we decided to start a family. We have put it away for our son in a term investment so he can put it towards buying a house when he is old enough.

Viper
  • 29th Jun 2007 06:41pm
I am a first time Mum at 30 (remember 30 is the new 20!!) and I think it's mothers who put the pressure on themselves to be superstars. The "Holly Wood baby boom" Katie Holmes, Gwen Staffani,...

Hi girls, I think the baby bonus is good in one way (as it helps pay the bill off a little sooner especially the credit card!) but I would never have a baby just to get it. I had my first son nearly seven years ago and back then it was $800, I was unemployed due to the company folding and it helped to set things up as I was on my own. But I think it is too much money to give to people in one bulk lot, mayb it should be given as weekly installments or monthly. That way I think that the babies would be loved and wanted for themselves and not just for the baby bonus.

Rach
  • 12th Jun 2007 03:47pm
I am a first time Mum at 30 (remember 30 is the new 20!!) and I think it's mothers who put the pressure on themselves to be superstars. The "Holly Wood baby boom" Katie Holmes, Gwen Staffani,...

For us the baby bonus was just that, a bonus when we had a baby. It was not the reason and never would be the reason we would have a baby. Considering having a baby costs way more than the bonus, it could hardly be used as an incentive.
I am sure it will help us out during the months where I don't get paid maternity leave, but even if we didn't get the money we would still have had a baby, the only difference I guess is that I would have to go back to work earlier than I do now...

Kath
  • 11th Jun 2007 02:55pm
I am a first time Mum at 30 (remember 30 is the new 20!!) and I think it's mothers who put the pressure on themselves to be superstars. The "Holly Wood baby boom" Katie Holmes, Gwen Staffani,...

I don't think money should be an incentive to have a child at any time. In saying that the baby bonus has been a wonderful help which has enabled me to give up work for a bit longer than what I had intended to take off.

Kath
  • 10th Jun 2007 01:49pm
I had my son 5 years ago and when I fell pregnant I was about a size 18, 80 - 90 kgs and I gained about 30 kgs, one, because he was a big baby, 8.9kgs and I had cravings for cinnamon donuts. I have...

Just on the baby bonus - is this an incentive to have a baby? Or just a nice reward? Has the money helped you out and do you think it should be more?

Modnoc
  • 6th Jun 2007 10:28pm

The answer simply is NO! No I don't need to be a yummy mummy, no Idon't need expensive baby accessories, and who cares what other people expect of me as long as I am doing what I know is right for my children and my husband?

I actuallyt think I have out on weight since having my second child 8 months ago because I am busier and don't have as much time to exercise.

Happiness comes from your own self worth not from what others think! I have often told my husband that if I am happy then he should be. Too many people focus too much on their weight and not on enjoying the experience that is motherhood.
If you are unhappy do something about it, but if you just think you should lose weight as you eat that next Mrs Fields cookie and sip your hot chocolate then you are not really serious, so stop whinging and just enjoy unitl in your own time you are ready to get fit . If weight loss happens so be it, but being healthy and setting a healthy habit routine for your kids is more important.

Self esteem is better for your kids than an eating disorder.

Mrsd
  • 6th Jun 2007 08:37pm

i did feel pressure to get back into shape but mostly from myself. i am of a slight build anyway and didn't put much weight on when pregnant but everyone commented how i'd probably lose the weight straight away so i kinda put the pressure on myself to do it. luckily i haven't had to try very hard. i also feel i really want to have the BEST of the BEST for my baby. and i know other mums judge because i do! i always check out other mums and what pram they have, which nappy bag, what type of nappies they use etc. my biggest concern as a new mum (alexis is now 7 months old) is how will the decisions i'm making now affect myself and my family in the future. will alexis behave? will she listen to me or will she be a bratt? thats what i find myself lying awake at night thinking about.

Anonymous
  • 6th Jun 2007 07:47pm

I gotta say that at 40, being a yummy mummy was something I worried about before the arrival of my daughter. I guess I am way too busy now to focus on something as irrelevant as that, when my little girl's well being is the most important thing to me. Labels and accessories mean nothing in the face of a baby. That little person's happiness is paramount, and I don't think my baby cares what stroller I get her around in. What she cares about is if her needs are being met.

Sars
  • 5th Jun 2007 03:50pm

I have been surprised that I haven't felt any pressure at all. People are commenting on how happy I am so I guess that's been a distraction from weight.

I don't feel that I had to buy the most up-to-date accessories for my baby because of pressure from anyone but there were certain items that I purchased because I really wanted them. I got a great pram (Valco RAD) that has the same design as the bugaboo but I felt it was better because the chair part was bigger/deeper so I thought would last longer. Our Cot was also an item we didn't want to compromise on. We didn't mind paying for items as long as we got value. I felt that baby drawers, however, were hugely inflated for the actual quality so we had a furniture company make them to specifications so that we could use the top as a change table to reduce another unneccessary piece of furniture in the room. Doing it this way halved the price and we got exactly what we wanted. There were also other items that we were happy to get second hand such as a baby bjorn, activity mat and cot mobile and we got these all from ebay.

My biggest concerns as a new mum are making sure that my son Liam (12 weeks old) isn't missing out on any attention as I struggle to juggle the running of our small business with my husband. Thankfully our mothers have been wonderful and they really saved the day when a new staff member left when Liam was 3 weeks old. I have been working 2 night shifts per week and am in most days to help manage the phone and email messages as we can't pay someone to do that type of stuff because it's done much earlier than the shifts normal start times.

Anonymous
  • 29th Jul 2008 09:49am
I had my son 5 years ago and when I fell pregnant I was about a size 18, 80 - 90 kgs and I gained about 30 kgs, one, because he was a big baby, 8.9kgs and I had cravings for cinnamon donuts. I have...

I had my daughter when i was 19 so i was unsure of what to do and how to do things like most new mums, i was lucky enough to have a great supporting mother in law and grandmother. I stayed with my grandmother for a few weeks after my baby was born. And when i returned home i had my mother in law come over all the time to take bubs so i could have a shower or do housework or something i wanted to do or she would just come for coffee. Yeah they lived relatively close by. I hadnt planned needing their support as you dont realise how much hard work babies are until they arrive.

stubbornmumma
  • 9th Jul 2008 01:11pm
I had my son 5 years ago and when I fell pregnant I was about a size 18, 80 - 90 kgs and I gained about 30 kgs, one, because he was a big baby, 8.9kgs and I had cravings for cinnamon donuts. I have...

I only live about 5 mins drive away from my separated parents. My father helps me out by looking after my four year old daughter and two year old son once a week while i play indoor netball for a couple of hours. My mother is too busy with work to look after the kids at all but she does buy them clothes all the time. Their paternal grandparents live four hours away and don't see them at all because they don't see their father. My new inlaws babysit the kids whenever i need them to. They only live a few mins walk away so it is really great. Like next week i have a job interview and without hesitation, my new MIL said she would take the kids for me while i go to this interview. My new inlaws also spoil the kids rotten with clothes, toys, books, movies etc..

I did want to stay around my parents and inlaws because to have that help there is a godsend. My son has been sick recently and in all the trips to the hospital they have all been fantastic with looking after my daughter when i've needed them.

As for the topic of pressure to be a yummy mummy - I did have alot of pressure to slim down when i had my children. I was lucky that due to a medical condition i was able to accomplish this after the birth of my daughter, but do you think i had as much luck with my son? I don't think so. People still comment on my size 12 frame and ask when i'm planning on losing some weight. Now i don't think i look all that bad for having had two children and it annoys me so much when people without children ask me when i'm going to lose some weight. My reply to them is "I've had two babies, what's you excuse?" and it always brings silence.

Anonymous
  • 13th Jun 2008 11:07am
I had my son 5 years ago and when I fell pregnant I was about a size 18, 80 - 90 kgs and I gained about 30 kgs, one, because he was a big baby, 8.9kgs and I had cravings for cinnamon donuts. I have...

My parents used to live six hrs away but they missed family to much and moved. They now live five mins away and its great to have them back. I have a nine week old baby boy and three other children aged 13, 11 & 5. My mum and dad help out whenever they can which is great. It makes such a difference when you have a great support network.

kirsty
  • 12th Feb 2008 12:14pm
I had my son 5 years ago and when I fell pregnant I was about a size 18, 80 - 90 kgs and I gained about 30 kgs, one, because he was a big baby, 8.9kgs and I had cravings for cinnamon donuts. I have...

we still get help from our parents, they can't help themselves buying little things like clothes for our daughter. But even though it is little things it helps in a big way. Especially living on one wage with a mortgage, money can get tight, like this month with the rates due, mum helped by buying my daughter heaps of clothes and new shoes as she is walking. it just takes the pressure off us to buy her everything especially as toddlers grow so quickly.
We are about one and half hours away from my parents- it would be lovely to be closer so that they could mind her one day, and I could work to keep up my skills, but we are more than happy just to spend weekends with them.

ctillyer
  • 22nd Aug 2007 07:53am
I had my son 5 years ago and when I fell pregnant I was about a size 18, 80 - 90 kgs and I gained about 30 kgs, one, because he was a big baby, 8.9kgs and I had cravings for cinnamon donuts. I have...

My inlaws live in England and all of my family live in Qld. The few friends we have made in Melbourne work full time and live at least 45mins to an hour away from us. We don't know anyone that has a new family that actually wants new friends in their lives. We have found that most people seem to be established in their friendship circles and have their families near by and aren't interested in making the effort to make more good friends. As much as it can get lonely, our little family is very close and has strong bonds. I am pretty shy and stay away from mother's groups due to some very bad experiences with previous groups of women when I was younger. I have found that it is good to talk on these forums though. Often you find there are other parents out there that feel the same.

Anonymous
  • 14th Aug 2007 12:16pm
I had my son 5 years ago and when I fell pregnant I was about a size 18, 80 - 90 kgs and I gained about 30 kgs, one, because he was a big baby, 8.9kgs and I had cravings for cinnamon donuts. I have...

Neither my husband or myself have parents to help us out. We have had to do everything by ourselves. Now that our baby is older, we use daycare which gives us a break from parenting but as we both work full time we never get a break from parenting away from work. But I guess we knew that before we decided to start a family so can't really complain. Sometimes I am envious of parents who have a lot of support from their families but I also know people who have nightmare mother in laws who critise them about everything, so I think myself lucky for not having to put up with that.

Anonymous
  • 16th Jul 2007 02:19pm
I had my son 5 years ago and when I fell pregnant I was about a size 18, 80 - 90 kgs and I gained about 30 kgs, one, because he was a big baby, 8.9kgs and I had cravings for cinnamon donuts. I have...

Both our parents live over an hours drive away. We have to plan to catch up because of the distance. If I needed help i would ask on friends and neighbors for short notice.

kim
  • 18th Jun 2007 10:55am
I had my son 5 years ago and when I fell pregnant I was about a size 18, 80 - 90 kgs and I gained about 30 kgs, one, because he was a big baby, 8.9kgs and I had cravings for cinnamon donuts. I have...

My parents are divorced and I am lucky that they and their partners are living near by. My in-laws live inter-state. My parents help if they have time, but I don't like to ask, because they are busy with their own lives and I don't want them to feel like they have to change their plans to accommodate us. My husband and I rarely go out together without our children because we feel we can't ask my parents to babysit.

Rach
  • 12th Jun 2007 03:44pm
I had my son 5 years ago and when I fell pregnant I was about a size 18, 80 - 90 kgs and I gained about 30 kgs, one, because he was a big baby, 8.9kgs and I had cravings for cinnamon donuts. I have...

My parents live over 4 hours away, so unfortunately they aren't close by to help out at those urgent, unplanned times. They have offered to watch my daughter during school holidays (when she reaches that age) My mother in law lives in our street (we lived her first) and she offers now help either!
We have been offered more help by friends and neighbours, thankfully. Not that I have taken them up on the offer but at least I know they are there if needed.
I wouldn't move to be nearer to anyone to receive their help.

Rach
  • 10th Jun 2007 01:45pm
I have been surprised that I haven't felt any pressure at all. People are commenting on how happy I am so I guess that's been a distraction from weight.

I don't feel that I had to buy the...

Anyone else get help from their parents or in-laws? Do they live close by? And if so did you plan to be near them?

jess
  • 5th Jun 2007 02:54pm

I was very lucky to have lost a lot of my weight soon after the birth of our now four month old. I believe that I put pressure on myself sometimes to lose a bit more weight but I think that is onlt because I really want to fit into my old cloths as we cant afford to buy new ones. I do not but trendy things for our daughter, But I do like to make sure she is dressed properly and clean. My MIL puts a lot of pressure on me to be a perfect mum (apparently she is) and for Our bub to be advanced like her father apparently was. That is my biggest worry, that she will be measured up against him.

MellissaD
  • 5th Jun 2007 02:14pm

I've never felt pressured, but then I don't easily give into the expectations of others if I am happy with myself. I lost all my baby weight within 10 days of the birth due to illness and breastfeeding. I'm not 100% happy with my body, but I don't care what others think about it.

As for baby accessories, we bought what we could afford and what suited our needs, without consideration of the latest fads. We've also used a lot of second-hand goods quite happily.

Our baby is happy and healthy, and we are loving our new life and new family, and that is my biggest concern as a new Mum!

KimandNia
  • 5th Jun 2007 01:34pm

I don't think I have felt this much pressure to lose weight before in my life. All the magazines telling you how some celebrity has lost all their baby weight three weeks after giving birth. How on earth do they do it? My daughter is 7 months old now and I feel everytime we catch up with family and friends they are looking to see if I have lost the weight. A few have said comments about how well I am doing with my weight but the best comment I have had was that I am a beauitful mother and I am doing a great job and that meant more to me than any weight loss.

Bazza
  • 2nd Feb 2011 07:28am
I don't think I have felt this much pressure to lose weight before in my life. All the magazines telling you how some celebrity has lost all their baby weight three weeks after giving birth. How on...

It's about time that people stop expecting mothers like yourself to lose weight so soon after biving birth, how would they feel if that was put on them, you have just given birth to a child that was growing inside your body for 9mths and of course you will gain weight and your body is stretched in all ways that some could not even comprehend, I say that being a good mum to your baby is more important than losing weight, celebrities pay huge money to have their children looked after and for personal trainers, if you want to lose weight, do it when you want too and when you feel you want to do it.

cookla
  • 1st Mar 2009 10:58pm
I had to have an emergency c-section at 33 weeks & quite often get the comment that I 'got off easy", not having to give birth. I often wonder if any of these Mums had to leave their babies in the...

i carried all my 4 babies over term, one a time, and yes i have the marks to prove it and i am considered quite often to be a yummy mummy, this was done not for competitiveness but because i like to have energy to enjoy life, i would have hated for my babies to stay in hospital even at the risk of more stretch marks and weight lose i just put in the extra work for myself and would never put my children at risk for it. also i would neva have a c section unless absolutely necessary. and i think that c sections and taking the babe out early should be illegal unless required for health reasons

Anonymous
  • 13th Jun 2008 11:14am
I had to have an emergency c-section at 33 weeks & quite often get the comment that I 'got off easy", not having to give birth. I often wonder if any of these Mums had to leave their babies in the...

How annoying! Money and celebrity status souldn't even come into the picture when it comes to your babys health pregnancy goes for 40 weeks for a reason. They are putting their babys health at risk just to avoid stetchmarks etc why are they so bothered they go staight under the knife half the time anyway, tucking belly's in and enhancing their bust line. No wonder everyone else feels so much pressure after having their baby's.

joyfulfish
  • 29th Feb 2008 02:00pm
I had to have an emergency c-section at 33 weeks & quite often get the comment that I 'got off easy", not having to give birth. I often wonder if any of these Mums had to leave their babies in the...

This personally really disturbs me. Those last few weeks are vital for baby and unless there is a medical need for this I see it as a very selfish action. Enough said I don't want to rant!! :o)

Anonymous
  • 19th Oct 2007 08:40pm
I had to have an emergency c-section at 33 weeks & quite often get the comment that I 'got off easy", not having to give birth. I often wonder if any of these Mums had to leave their babies in the...

To deliberately have your baby 4 weeks early to just avoid stretch marks - why do i think this is highly likely in Hollywood. What a disgrace to put your child in peril when there are hundreds of women out there who would love to be able to get to 34 weeks let alone 36 safely. Having a ceasar by choice or for medical reasons is one thing at term or for health, but to do so for vanities sake is so wrong.

kazfromtas
  • 16th Jul 2007 06:06pm
I had to have an emergency c-section at 33 weeks & quite often get the comment that I 'got off easy", not having to give birth. I often wonder if any of these Mums had to leave their babies in the...

I had to have an emergency c-section at 33 weeks & quite often get the comment that I 'got off easy", not having to give birth. I often wonder if any of these Mums had to leave their babies in the neo-natal ward for 6 weeks and come home without their baby, would feel the same way.
I think the increasing amount of elective c-sections is contributing to this attitude.
Everyones experience is different, and I just get a little peeved when some Mums consider parenting to be a competitive sport!

Kath
  • 11th Jun 2007 02:52pm
I had to have an emergency c-section at 33 weeks & quite often get the comment that I 'got off easy", not having to give birth. I often wonder if any of these Mums had to leave their babies in the...

I haven't felt any pressure to try and get back to my pre birth weight. I was lucky to have lost most of the weight shortly after the birth but overall the comments I have received have been about how well I am managing (I've just had twins). I would like to lose a few more kilos but I don't put too much pressure on myself. Having twins I haven't been able to afford to buy all the latest, most up-to-date accessories. Having already had one child I knew what works and whats a waste of money and there are a lot of products marketed very well but which you don't end up using that much or only last for a few months. I do know one mother who has always had the most expensive pram, clothing, accessories etc for her children. It doesn't worry or bother me because our children are all as happy and contented as each other and what brand name they are wearing etc has had no impact on them.

Kath
  • 10th Jun 2007 01:43pm
I don't think I have felt this much pressure to lose weight before in my life. All the magazines telling you how some celebrity has lost all their baby weight three weeks after giving birth. How on...

What do people think about celebrities having cesareans at 36 weeks to avoid putting on the extra weight? And has anyone else heard this?

Alleycat
  • 5th Jun 2007 12:24pm

There is pressure to get back to pre-baby weight. It is even stated in a number of books/mags that breastfeeding will help this occur- not my experience! I know a number of mums seeing personal trainers.
Sometimes Mums Group can be a 'compare the toy' thing but mostly it is advertising.
Biggest concerns are making sure baby feels loved, even when I am exhausted.

claire_85
  • 6th Apr 2011 09:37pm
There is pressure to get back to pre-baby weight. It is even stated in a number of books/mags that breastfeeding will help this occur- not my experience! I know a number of mums seeing personal...

pressure is positively on especially in a day and age where the battle is to be the thinnest let alone pre baby weight, its crazy and i agree as long as u happy and provide everything u can to make the baby happy thats what counts the most not the yummy mummy factor, kids only get embarassed later in life over it anyway.

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