Children
Posted by: lacek
25th Nov 2008 11:47pm
Every now and then, I see parents deglecting their children for something else they have important going. I sometimes wonder why do they have them when they don't have have the time of the day for their kids.
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Comments 26
beccamaree
I have seen this a lot! Being a aren't is a lifestyle. Your children are not toys, you can't just palm them off to someone else because you want to party or drink or go out all the time. It is disgusting seeing parents who would prefer to leave their children with other people all the time!
Anonymous
I'm sure there is an element as you say, who have children who really shouldn't, for whatever reason, money etc. and then leave them for other people to raise, but remember that we as parents learn to be parents, there is no such thing as the perfect parent when you first become one, we learn to be a good parent just as we learn to be a good partner, it all requires care and diligence. I think to have to make a choice between living well or having children is a bit harsh, surely there can be a middle ground and sometimes that requires help.
Anonymous
I am a grandfather and I absolutely love filling in for My children, minding my grandson and grand daughters, sure it can be tiring and sometimes annoying, but then I remember, when my beautiful wife, had our children, I worked and provided for them adequately ,while she was mum and looked after them and our home. Now it's different, you absolutely need both partners working to survive, let alone do well in life, so if a couple wish to have a family, (and let me tell you people, when you die, your money, your job, and your possessions will vanish, no one will remember them, but a beautiful, well raised child will continue your legacy into whatever future is in store) they have no choice but to use childcare, which is let's face it a risk or their parents, and most grandparents enjoy their grandkids, so if it seems parents today seem like they are ignoring their kids, keep in mind the pressures, todays society puts on them, with the need to succeed and exceed in all things and cut them a little slack, the smart ones will work it out.
beccamaree
I agree with you 100% in the working aspect of things. But not all parents are leaving their kids to go to work. Why have kids if you don't plan on looking after them and raising them?
deepu
Hi, i think this is because both mom and dad work in the family and they was to give the best to there kids, but on the other they avoid them leave them under caretakers which is not good. They have to think and spend the time usefully when the kids are around them. Which helps them to have the happy family in the way wanted.
Anonymous
I agree with you. Where my partner and I decided to sacrifice financial gain to give our girls a solid home life (in the first 7 years at least) we have friends that use their children like accessories. I will admit behaviour and maternity wise our girls stand above our friends kids. For this I feel proud we have done the right thing, but sad because our friends kids will not reach their full potential. Why do people use kids like handbags, and only parade them out when it looks good, children have a potential that can only be reached with support form day 1.
Anonymous
A lot of people have kids to claim the centrelink benefits that come with having multiple kids. Especially in lower socio-economic areas.
Kelly
i work in a childcare centre so i see first hand a range of different families and parents! It is surprising to see the families that are child oriented and the ones that are not. Let's just say the ones with a higher education are not necessarily the smart ones!
Anonymous
I know parents that seem to think kids are an accessory rather than part of the household. They dumb the kids on others just so the parents can travel to concerts here and overseas, or go to a sports events. Their children are now having issues at school. I am so glad we treated our girls like apprentice adults, now they are turning teenagers I have more confident in who they are and how they will handle what lays ahead. But I am going to miss them when they move on, my friends can't wait.
Penelope
Take courage, I was home with my children all their lives aside from some small interludes of work when their father was home with them. Then I've been there until my 2 girls both got married within the last few months. I was so worried about missing them desperately but I've found that they start to become adults in the house with you wanting to do things there own way and wanting to make their own home. In line with the love and time you have given them over the years you will probably enjoy watching them go through those new stages and become wives and homemakers of their own. And just a thought, my girls don't plan to miss out on their children if and when they have them. But thankfully they plan to let them spend time with their grandma (ME!). So enjoy all the stages; you won't regret it in the slightest.
Anonymous
Raising children is natural, watching television is not. We forget we are animals in this modern society and as so, we should never forget our place and responsibilities as mothers or grandmothers. Children should always come first, breaks come later.
Suzanne279
It's not neglect, its probably trying to balance and juggle a whole life around children. It's not easy but sometimes it has to be done
Lata
Beacauae some parents want themm but not at that time and pergnat accidental
ginamac
I agree with Ruth: we are incredibly critical of one another. We are all different and we all have different approaches to parenting for a wide variety of reasons. What one person views as neglect or disinterest in a child may simply be the other persons parenting style. Genuine neglect aside (ie, not feeding/clothing/housing a child), I think a lot of criticism is designed to make us feel better about ourselves rather than being constructive. Most of the time I believe we would all be better off facing the fact that no one is perfect, being a little kinder to ourselves and leaving the "Joneses" alone to get on with it in their own way.
Squeak
Yep, absolutely! And those people in this feed claiming that they see families treating children like 'accessories' because they don't drop everything for a child? Well, is it better than having children as a crutch to replace your own independence and life goals?
Perhaps what other people think is neglect is actually teaching children independence. Having a holiday without kids or buying something for themselves and making junior pay for it from their own savings doesn't make someone a bad parent.
Parents should teach children about the important things in life - families, lovers, careers, beliefs, and the best way to teach them about their own values is to model engagement with society. Otherwise, all they're teaching their children is: "When someone more important than you wants something and you have something else important to do, drop it and help that person." That is not something I want my children learning from me.
ruth
I think that Mums are so critical of each other. I dont think there are so many mothers out there wanting to neglect their kids, but sometimes you have to work to pay the bills, and sometimes you need a break and put the TV on, it is not so evil, it is just normal life. Yes they did things differently when we were kids, but things were different. Expectations and options werent what they are now. You can look at the individual great or bad situtation but I think in general we should try not to judge too much, because we are all being judged harder by each other than the rest of society.
brades71
I do agree, and not to bag working mothers, but I fell pregnant and was back at work 4 months later, letting my first daughter be virtually raised at daycare, and missing out on a lot of other milestones so I could keep concentrating on my career. 6 years later, I'm now expecting my second child, and already I'm doing things differently. I changed to a low stress role in February, and will not return to work after the birth of this child.
I do believe at times that deglecting my daughter has meant she misses me more now she is in school and we have daily issues trying to get her to go to school.
If working mothers can achieve both, I applaud and admire them, because I thought I could achieve this but my health as a parent is also important. I still feel guilty for not being able to give my daughter all of me at a key time in her growing life.
elfief
Sometimes it is can be a case of they have had children later (become set in their ways) and they didn't realise how much it would impact on their lives. They want to continue living the life they had before kids and can become frustrated when child/ren don't fit into their lives, rather than adjusting their lives to fit around the child/ren.
kendallx3
Many parents have kids just for the baby bonus - which is so wrong.
lucylue
""When i had my first child, we were given an amount once a year (with the tax return) for the child's first 5 (or was it 6) years, with my second child i got the lump sum, and now that i have just had our third child, i am getting the fortnightly payments. This would be fine if we had everything we needed, but we had to start from scratch again (this child was a lovely surprise) so where the lump sum would have come in very handy to buy some of the larger items, we now have to save up over a month or two to get each item.
But i do understand that because some people were abusing the money they-were being given for their new babies, the rest of us have to put up with the new payment system as well""
i hear you our twins came when our youngest was 6 so we needed a new car and yes people were saying hey you get $10000 but we, as you, needed everything new from scratch including a bigger $32000 car so $10000 over 26 fn payments meant a loan and interest and a big headache
kendallx3
When I had my children (18 & 14 years ago) there was no such thing as the baby bonus. So it was a matter of saving up ahead of time or going without.
Captured
I have heard this as well, but i can honestly say that it is now not "easy money", today's babies are not just "plasma babies". The money is now put into the bank over a course of 13 fortnightly payments, it is no longer one lump sum.
When i had my first child, we were given an amount once a year (with the tax return) for the child's first 5 (or was it 6) years, with my second child i got the lump sum, and now that i have just had our third child, i am getting the fortnightly payments. This would be fine if we had everything we needed, but we had to start from scratch again (this child was a lovely surprise) so where the lump sum would have come in very handy to buy some of the larger items, we now have to save up over a month or two to get each item.
But i do understand that because some people were abusing the money they were being given for their new babies, the rest of us have to put up with the new payment system as well.
cookla
oh man do i agree so many people say im a super mum because i do heaps of stuff with my kids and i always say no im not im just doing it the way it used to be done where the parent sacrificed for the child
society has spent so long telling us that we are not naturally mothers and that we need help so we have began to believe it
parenting is the most natural hting in the world and should be remembered as such, sure it is hard of course you are moulding and shaping lives but it is fun and rewarding, i love taking my kids bushwalking, little a, swimming, dancing and i think that more parents shoud do this, get out dad and play cricket, ride a bike, enjoy your child, mum teach them to cook introduce them to the senses of tastes. kids are there to enjoy they think of you as their hero and they love you unconditionally. why shouldn't we give the same back
solstice
There is NO reason for neglecting your children so take time out of your day instead of sitting in front of the TV or PC and do something with them, my dad always found time to do things with me even though he ran a dairy farm with loads of work always needed to be done. He would always give time for us to do something together.
kezza052
I see a lot of parent's these day's having children and when the tough times come they do not want to deal with them and pass them onto their parent's to bring them up. So many Grandparents have the responability of caring for their grandchildren.What is going to happen to all of these children when their grandparent's pass away?????
matt
I have seen this happen and the kids see the grandparents more, but the parents have the money to buy fancy cars and go on holidays because they dont pay for childcare. its nice to be with your grandparents, but if you end up with parents who have more value on material possessions than time with kids then you've got to wonder what the kids are going to think is important when they grow up.
personally, id rather see more of my kids because we all know how quickly they grow up.