Pregnancy & Parenting

pregnant and dealing with a jelous toddler

Pregnancy & Parenting

Posted by: ooby

14th May 2013 10:47am

Im 22 weeks preg and my 3 year old is highly jelous of bubs. whats a way to minimus my sons jelousy


Comments 10

Anonymous
  • 8th Sep 2013 02:51pm

Toddlers cant feel jealous of a bump in mums belly unless all the toddler hears is constant talk about the new baby. Jealousy comes from toddler fighting for the same level of attention being given to new baby -whether real or perceived it is real for him. Jealousy also indicates he feels he has lost value or will lose value in preference to new baby.
Rather than focus on jealousy give your toddler 'jobs' to do in prep for baby. Give him a 'teddy' pretend it is new baby - let toddler hold it, 'feed' it, bath it, dress it change it's nappy, give it a dummy, burp it etc as if its real baby. At nap time teach him to wrap baby and put baby to bed with a hug and kiss. Toddler can't be jealous of a baby he is taking care of and kissing. The dynamics will change and toddler will become very important big brother and feel more empowered even though too young to realise what you are trying to achieve. You will also be able to monitor and teach toddler how he will treat "baby" when real baby comes. You dont want him accidentally doing anything dangerous. Main thing is it will make toddler feel valued and really important and and he wont feel left out when baby comes. Also tell him you need him to help you and you are so happy and proud baby has him as big brother and you will tell everyone what a good boy toddler is.

zee2308
  • 10th Jul 2013 02:06pm

This is completely normal. You will have to expect some jealousy when the new baby arrives. A tip i've always found helpful is..Once the baby is born, buy a gift for your 3 year old, and say it is from the new bubba!

Anonymous
  • 27th Jun 2013 04:51pm

I think what you do is let your daughter have some time with and the bub I did that with my first baby before I came home from hosptail and it work.

adelaidesurfer
  • 26th May 2013 09:00pm

Purchase a nice gift for your 3 year old and tell him that it is a gift from bubs :) I hope this helps :)

jatz50
  • 22nd May 2013 08:13pm

While you are pregnant and getting things for the baby.....get your son to help you with getting the room ready, let him fold the nappies and store them. Also tell him that when the baby comes, get him to help you out like handing the talcum powder or opening some jar.
When my 2nd baby was born, I actually bought a present for my little girl from the new baby. She was so excited because she thought the present had also come from my tummy. It certainly helped with the bonding.
I also found that when you are home with the new baby... while you are feeding the baby or doing the nappy, just make sure you still talk to the 3 year old. I am sure he will be fine once the baby comes.
Good luck and do come back and tell us how you go.

DeNiro
  • 22nd May 2013 12:46am

As a grandmother I endorse everything that Hawkey said but there are a couple of other actions that I found useful too. It is REALLY important that, no matter how inconvenient






























































































































































As a grandmother I endorse everything that Hawkey said, but there are a few other strategies that will also help. Most of all it is REALLY important that you NEVER make your older child feel he is being pushed aside for the newcomer, no matter how inconvenient his demands are. If he wants to play ball or whatever whilst you are busy and you really CAN'T interrupt, then offer to play a verbal game like "I Spy" for now and make a time to play ball later that day. Explain as well as possible why your current task is so urgent. AND KEEP YOUR PROMISE! Children have memories like elephants!!

Since a lot of your time will be spent feeding the little one, always offer to read a story / watch him sing a song or perform / play "I Spy" or whatever whilst you are doing this. (If he's too young for "I Spy" with spelling, try it with colors - this is a good way to teach these anyway). If he wants to help you with your work always let him - and praise him for his efforts (this is really important) - even if he's really more of a hindrance. This will make him feel important and included so he'll be more cooperative generally. As a precaution though, it is wise never to leave the 2 children alone - even for a minute - if you have any worries at all that he may hit or kick the baby. If this is unavoidable, at least put the baby in his/her cradle / cot and make it clear that you'll be back in a few minutes.

Your son's attitude is not unusual for a first born but it can be overcome with empathy and constant reassurance that you still love him just as much as before, and some more empathy. Don't blame him for not feeling as you would prefer him to - this will only make his jealousy worse. Emphasise how good it will be for him when the baby is old enough to play with. One last thing - make a rule that he must do all his coloring and craft stuff up on a bench / table as the newcomer will delight in destroying same if it is left within reach once he/she is mobile!

John
  • 21st May 2013 05:16pm

You already have 3 practical advices, ooby. I just like to say that
Love is all there is. To love is just to accept what is, as well as what is not at every stage.
It is almost inevitable that an elder child looses and have to share some mother's attention to the new arrival.
It may be your own fear of the 3 year old having to share your time that is creating the jealousy.
Love is infinite. Be assured that the more you share love among your children, the greater it becomes.
Your children will learn to share, and accept you and life as it is.

nanab
  • 21st May 2013 04:37pm

I found by letting my little boy be part of looking after baby..helping you bath baby etc and most of all give your 3 year old lots of special time with you..lots of praise at being mommy's big boy and helper.

nette
  • 21st May 2013 02:02pm

I found it worked with my first son to encourage him to think of the baby as his and made sure he got to help wrap, pat and help hold the bottle with supervision (that's only gunna work if you aren't breast feeding LOL.

Make sure you have dedicated time that is just for your 3 year old, like story time, helping you with small chores, just theirs, like standing on a chair at the sink and letting them "wash up" a few unbreakable thing like their own mug, plate, etc, (they love water and bubbles at this age), lets you get on with preparing other things and keeps them busy for a while. While bub is very young and mostly sleeping a walk with bub all tucked up and asleep is also a good time for you to get out and gently exercise and get your toddler used to walking around your neighbourhood, sometimes they get to talk to other people and see pets, cars, things of interest, if you are close to a park take a picnic sandwich for them that they get to have with you because they are the "big" one. Hope some of this helps :-)

Hawkey
  • 20th May 2013 05:59pm

You need to show your son a little more attention in the next 18 weeks and try to sound very positive about the new baby and how he will be able to help you when it comes along. Get him a real baby doll when the new baby comes so he has something to take care of like you do. Show him how to change his dolls nappy and get dad involved so he can see it's ok for boys to take care of babies. When the new baby arrives make special play time for you and your son while the baby sleeps.

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