Pregnancy & Parenting

My son gets angry and then takes it out on himself

Pregnancy & Parenting

Posted by: temsmum

21st Apr 2012 04:16am

My son is 6 years old and I have to say quite intelligent. Ever since he was a toddler whenever he got in trouble he would start hitting his head on walls, tables, etc. or even just punch himself. Now as he is getting older his anger is taken out on himself, sometimes other children and it has got to the point where he will pick up tables or chairs and throw them around. He does really well in school but they have suggested he goes to anger management classes to try to stop the self destructive behaviour. He is extremely loving and caring most of the time but nobody seems to be able to talk or connect with him when he acts up. Reward charts with a great incentive works well to a point but the only person he will connect with is me and as I am a solo mum I am at work when it happens at school and they have to ring me to talk to him as he won't let anyone else near him. Yes, he is an only child and I'm a solo mum so not a great start but if anyone has any ideas on ways I can work with him to help him I would be ever so grateful. There is nothing worse than watching him go into himself if he doesn't do something right or gets in trouble and gets growled at.


Comments 7

temsmum
  • 19th May 2012 07:27am

Thanks for the answers. I will try these out. Also the school is going to try out kineasoliagy (sure this isn't spelt right) which I tried when he was younger and it worked well but then he wouldn't participate anymore so maybe he will do this if his whole class is doing it. It gets all parts of the brain working together. The school has been great but it now seems that as long as he is getting one-on-one he is great but as soon as someone else gets attention he plays up. He likes to have his own tasks so he is now the window monitor and is very proud of this. We will keep at it and I will try all suggestions till I find one that works. Thanks heaps.

chupachup
  • 18th May 2012 12:51pm

Agree with the other comments here, try to remove all Sugars, artificial colours, flavours & preservatives from his diet. You could also look at or test for Dairy and Wheat Allergy?

On the behavioural side, if the worst behaviour is happening at school, arrange a formal appointment for a Negotiated Education Plan (NEP) meeting with your childs teacher, the Principal, and the local School District Supervisor. Let everyone discuss the problems and come up with a team solution, as his Mum you cant have all the answers and try to come up with a solution on your own: ask for help! They might recommend an assessment of your child, if they feel he needs more support in the classroom, the upside is he might be able to get one-on-one support from a Support Officer for a few hours a day/week who will keep him on track in the classroom, and teach him self-calming behaviours so he doesn't reach explosion point!

Really the school should have a Behaviour policy with 5 steps outlined that they will try to defuse an unruly child, BEFORE they have to call the parent at work (the last resort!) Ask them to put these in writing so everyone is clear. Good luck!

stretch
  • 18th May 2012 12:19pm

buy the kid a small punching bag or a space ball and let him take his agression out on this even roll up an old mattress and give hima bat and let the agression come out
dont give hin ritalin and let the dr tell you this will help as it will come back at your kid in the latter part of his life
after he is on the bag ask why he got mad and ask did it help to fix the problem take it one day at a time
he may be missing some one in his life

stretch
  • 18th May 2012 12:16pm

sandy
  • 18th May 2012 10:02am

Hold him, hug him, tell him you love him, that you will always love him, but that you don't always like the way he behaves. I think most children go through some sort of phase like this...I know both of my 2 did and both have come out the other side as responsible caring adults. But musicmums advice about the food is also valid......check his reaction to food coloring and sugar. Keep a food diary and note his behaviour patterns in it. I really don't think it is anything to do with you being a solo mum, unless he is getting picked on for not having a dad. Other kids can be cruel! Talk to him about the other kids, how he gets on with them, does he have any special friends and why he likes them, is there anyone he dislikes and why he doesn't like them.Good luck, and hang in there.

musicmum
  • 17th May 2012 09:37pm

Have a look at his diet, is he eating natural wholefood packed with vitamins and minerals or just stuff which has no nutrician, we need to feed our minds as well as our bodies,and children will be effected more quickly from chemicals in their food and in the air. It won't happen overnight but if you do improve his diet or maybe even look at if he is worse after certain foods (usually sugar laden food) then you can cut back or replace and hopefully this will help. See a doctor or a naturopath to get some help,you can't do this alone.

debs
  • 17th May 2012 07:45pm

You poor thing, I fully sympathise. I was a solo mum and when my son was about 5 he told me he no longer wanted kisses & cuddles but over the next 12 months he became very violent when he didn't get his own way. I tried everything and was at my wits' end. When he was nearly 8 I had to have an operation and I had to bargain with my son so he wouldn't punch me after the op! That was an all-time low for me. One day in absolute frustration, when he was starting to hit me or kick me or whatever, I grabbed him and hugged him. He thrashed around in my arms trying to get away so I told him, every time he hit, kicked, punched, pinched etc me I would hug him & kiss him. Within a week he stropped! I was worried he would become a violent man like his father would get when drunk but my son is now almost 30 and has grown into a thoroughly nice, affectionate, non-violent man. I don't know what to suggest for you to do but I suppose this is just to show you are not alone and just because you are a solo mum doesn't mean your child won't grow up to become a great person!
Hang in there and all the best....
Debbie

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