Society & Culture

Becoming Invisible

Society & Culture

Posted by: EileenW1

17th Mar 2012 09:43am

Suddenly I realise I have become invisible to my adult children. As a teacher, journalist, actress, public speaker and community leader my opinions were often sought, accepted, and appreciated not least by my own children. However it has suddenly hit me that since I became a 'retiree' my children often comment, "Oh that's silly Mum!" or talk over me before I have finished and then exclude me from the rest of their conversation. At family gatherings, quite often I am left in the kitchen while they go elsewhere to have laughs and exchange news and views.
Have I been slow to acknowledge my 'Use By date' or have I simply morphed into a silly, over sensitive old coot?


Comments 5

MandMm
  • 26th Jul 2012 02:09pm

From what you say the children are doing, I think it's not about the fact you are retired, but rather how you are letting them treat you. Because someone is retired there shouldn't be a reason for them to exclude you, talk over you, or disregard everything you say.
Sometimes there is more time during retirement in which you have an opportunity to over think things, and perhaps this behaviour with the children has been going on pre retirement, but you may not have noticed?

If I was in the same situation, I would pull the children aside at the next gathering, and tell them not to disregard your input, not to exclude you. Show an interest in what they are doing, and persist, but as usual, only give advice when it's sought.

Pulling someone up by saying "excuse me, I wasn't finished" if they interrupt you, will really make them stop, and re think what they did. You are entitled to speak, and only rude people will 'shoot you down' and it's within your rights to stand up and let them know it will not be tolerated.

Hilary
  • 17th Jul 2012 10:40pm

Hi Eileen,
It sounds like your children are being thoughtless and inconsiderate. They might not realize what they are doing or the effect it has. What about talking it over with them, tell them about your feelings. They don't have to agree with what you say or do but to be included would be nice.

EileenW1
  • 21st Apr 2012 10:00am

Oh I am still as busy as ever. I am a tutor at U3A and on the committee. I perform regularly or direct with local theatre groups. I also write freelance for travel magazines and the local newspapers. I travel a great deal. I have started my own little charity to help young people in villages in Bali and so am busy organising fundraising events for this and my U3A. It isn't that I am not busy; it is just the fact my family has ceased to value my opinions or thoughts.

bliss
  • 21st Apr 2012 09:31am

you sound to be a mine of wonderful experience and skills
these you can continue to do and find what your heart does fulfill for me it is art and poetry too
Never had time now I do
my adult children think I am an odd bod!
but I am living my life to the full a big wonderful job
writing to you I once cold not do
but when something interests me I can give my view
so wishing you all the very best
it is your life enjoy your quest
you have served others and can still do
but give yourself the oppertunity to fullfill you.

best wishes jeannie bliss

anna
  • 20th Apr 2012 09:14pm

My kids were much the same, so went on the volunteer trail, found some great people who were of diversified backgrounds & the more I was " busy " & involved with others found it did not hurt as much! The family found I did not have as much time for them & babysitting, moneylending, problems, selfishness & rudeness became more on friendly terms once they woke up & have accepted the fact I am a real person not just mum the retiree!

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