Society & Culture

death, family & money

Society & Culture

Posted by: shaz

25th Jan 2012 09:04am

losing a parent is heartbreaking but even more sadness when wills are read , familys separated


Comments 12

molly
  • 21st Apr 2012 03:45pm

My parents had been separated over 15 yrs and mum had been cold to Dad for at least 10 yrs before that. When he passed he had not updated his will and mum became beneficiary, much to our disgust. We had an agreement that when the grief dide down we would sit around and share the sentimental items but mum took everything she thought had a monetary value and acted like a grieving widow. She has shared half of his money which was split between 3 of us, the sad thing is she will just sit on it and live in cheap housing commission and accept every handout or freebie going, where the 3 of us are all trying to pay mortgages. We know Dad would be unhappy about this but told contesting the will could cost his savings anyway

Lastcardlouis
  • 14th Apr 2012 03:13pm

This is why it's so important for everyone - no matter what age - to have a proper will drawn up. My parents and my wife's parents did this and all the children knew what was in the wills, so there were no surprises or disappointments. My wife and I have our wills sorted and all our children know what to expect.

It is imperative to get this right - if dementia strikes or somebody dies intestate (no will) the road ahead is not too attractive. Remember that death has no respect for age, either.

suganspyc
  • 18th Mar 2012 06:37am

I lost my dad 31 years ago I thought I would never survive mind you I was nine. Last week a friend lost their brother (he was 35) the family have amzingly come together and I am in awe of the togetherness they have (Mum is travelling back to NZ with the brother) I have been helping with all the arrangements even though I dont know the brother I know pretty much his siblings and mum and they are just trying to do it all by themselves to scared to ask for help.
Last year my FIL passed and it has caused a huge rift between his only children two sons the eldest was left out of arrangements while the other brother did everything everytime the older brother did anything he was looked down on he wasn't even told of his fathrs passing for 9 hours+ then The younger brother didn't tell him about the will reading tried to hide things and it turned ugly. But the older brother just backed away and said get rid of it all if thats the way it's going to be. Now however the older brother has the treasure his father promised and the younger brother now has a headache with the rest of it and looks like he will get nothing. Very sad and distressing for both brothers if only they could have seen eye to eye

shaz
  • 22nd Mar 2012 11:17am
You are a strong person and dealing with an illness as well makes life really tough, there are times we fall down during our illness's but we grow stronger with every new trial we face. Be strong...

i need to stay strong and dont crash & burn as i will not give them the satisfaction as the farm is still not sold although my dad has been gone 4yrs now ( estate should have been finalised ) my wonderful friends both male & female are disgusted with this situation they come out call me as i live alone but i sit in waiting as the day will come for each and everyone of these individuals i really feel sorry for them but judgement day is not that far away

suganspyc
  • 22nd Mar 2012 07:33am
thankyou you yes you are correct am a firm believer in CALMER i could not afford a lawyer to contest this as i have had MS for some years and recieve a disability pension as my health has gone on...

You are a strong person and dealing with an illness as well makes life really tough, there are times we fall down during our illness's but we grow stronger with every new trial we face. Be strong and I know you will be ok. Families can be crueler and harsher than any enemy could ever be, but at the end of the day you still have those that are immediately around you who show you love and support through your trials I have found these are my true family they dont hve to be blood related to be your sister or brother. (I learnt this this week at my neighbours brother's funeral I was taken into their family just because i was there to help them on a spiritual and supportive level.)

shaz
  • 20th Mar 2012 12:11pm
Apart from being totally unethical and a conflict of interest (which by the way can be contesteded) I am so sorry for you. It sounds to me as theough they actually changed the will and tricked him...

thankyou you yes you are correct am a firm believer in CALMER i could not afford a lawyer to contest this as i have had MS for some years and recieve a disability pension as my health has gone on the decline ( due to this family disgrace ) but continue to soldier on knowing their day will come that to me will be closure then i will begin with the next chapter of my life with a much better outlook

suganspyc
  • 20th Mar 2012 06:19am
the legal person happened to be a very good friend of my sister who got poor dad to remove me off & make her executor this has become whatever you choose to call it a disgrace , joke YOU CAN...

Apart from being totally unethical and a conflict of interest (which by the way can be contesteded) I am so sorry for you. It sounds to me as theough they actually changed the will and tricked him into signing this does happen and it is so frustrating. I am glad my husbands dad never changed his will and put it through public trust as executors cause that meant one person didn't get a say. I told my husband that we need to update ours to ensure our kids cant fight if they do they loose it all to charity. My heart is with you it is fristrating and I understand your pain and anger. You are right you can choose your friends but not family. Just cherish your dad's memory and know that he loved you and in some small way it will bite the others in the butt one day and they will know why and feel the shame of what they have done.

shaz
  • 19th Mar 2012 07:29am
Shaz the younger brother called in the lawyer to change FIL's will but he was unable to do it and thank goodness the lawyer realised this however FIL did manage to get the lawyer to hi lips and...

the legal person happened to be a very good friend of my sister who got poor dad to remove me off & make her executor this has become whatever you choose to call it a disgrace , joke YOU CAN PICK YOUR FRIENDS BUT NOT YOUR FAMILY SHAME , SHAME ON THEM

suganspyc
  • 19th Mar 2012 07:05am
I never thought this would happen to my family as it was ever so close but taking dad to change things on his will only informing some of the beneficiareys what has been done dad suffered with...

Shaz the younger brother called in the lawyer to change FIL's will but he was unable to do it and thank goodness the lawyer realised this however FIL did manage to get the lawyer to hi lips and whispered XXXXXXXX knows. Lawyer asked younger brother who it was he pretended he didn't know. (his sil Me has two names maori and english lawyers were introduced to m by my Maori name but FIL called me by my english name

shaz
  • 18th Mar 2012 12:59pm
I lost my dad 31 years ago I thought I would never survive mind you I was nine. Last week a friend lost their brother (he was 35) the family have amzingly come together and I am in awe of the...

I never thought this would happen to my family as it was ever so close but taking dad to change things on his will only informing some of the beneficiareys what has been done dad suffered with dementia but it didnt seem to worry the legal person when this change was made . this is only a small portion of what has been done re my fathers estate . i have chosen to walk away from my family which is ever so sad but i cannot come with forgiveness

jane12
  • 17th Mar 2012 03:38pm

yes i totally agree, and all from money
its hard enough loosing someone special

shaz
  • 18th Mar 2012 01:05pm
yes i totally agree, and all from money
its hard enough loosing someone special

this is something i never thought would happen to this family but due to dishonesty and greed it has . this is a family who regards themselves as christians ( I THINK NOT ! ! )

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