Growing old gracefully without depression

CSD

This is a great topic. I worked until I was 64 when spinal injury forced me to retire. I had always thought of retirement as a time when I could indulge in my interests of walking, jogging, gardening, visiting galleries and museums.

Suddenly I was unable to do any of that. Even the simplest tasks take so much longer and, yes, I still do become quite frustrated at times. The worst bit is having to pay someone to do the garden or simple household repairs.

My life-line was my home computer which kept me in touch with family (all of whom are overseas) and friends. I volunteered and used my computer to write letters and reports for a not for profit, occasionally visiting the organisation.

Looking objectively at the ageing process, I think I could honestly say that I wasn't warned about health and mobility issues and, even if I had been I probably wouldn't have believed it would happen to me. Also, the huge drop in income was difficult to manage when offsetting against paying someone else to do what I had always taken for granted.

I realize that my body is ageing but I feel young inside. I am enjoying the freedom of watching late night / early morning TV without the worry of having to go to the office or, on a good day, meeting a friend for lunch, visiting a gallery on the spur of the moment - or just doing nothing.

As with most of life, it's swings and roundabouts. Just enjoy the good bits and curse the bad. It is important to maintain contact with the community and keep up with the news.

I think this topic should be explored deeper, but hope this helps.

CSD

This is a great topic. I worked until I was 64 when spinal injury forced me to retire. I had always thought of retirement as a time when I could indulge in my interests of walking, jogging, gardening, visiting galleries and museums.

Suddenly I was unable to do any of that. Even the simplest tasks take so much longer and, yes, I still do become quite frustrated at times. The worst bit is having to pay someone to do the garden or simple household repairs.

My life-line was my home computer which kept me in touch with family (all of whom are overseas) and friends. I volunteered and used my computer to write letters and reports for a not for profit, occasionally visiting the organisation.

Looking objectively at the ageing process, I think I could honestly say that I wasn't warned about health and mobility issues and, even if I had been I probably wouldn't have believed it would happen to me. Also, the huge drop in income was difficult to manage when offsetting against paying someone else to do what I had always taken for granted.

I realize that my body is ageing but I feel young inside. I am enjoying the freedom of watching late night / early morning TV without the worry of having to go to the office or, on a good day, meeting a friend for lunch, visiting a gallery on the spur of the moment - or just doing nothing.

As with most of life, it's swings and roundabouts. Just enjoy the good bits and curse the bad. It is important to maintain contact with the community and keep up with the news.

I think this topic should be explored deeper, but hope this helps.

Rose

Thanks all who replyed to my question I hope this helped some other people feeling in the same way as I felt. THANKS ALL

Hilary

There's some good feed back on here. Many people get depressed as they age because they have regrets or think they have wasted their life. Sometimes it may be possible to do something about the past e.g. make peace with someone you have argued with. Often it is not possible and it's no use stewing on it. Each day is a new day and a new chance to have a fullfilling life.
Health is important both physical and mental. I think it is important to eat healthy, excercise as best you can and to find a good Doctor you feel happy and comfortable with and who will listen to you properly.

donkey

If you believe in The Lord and Jesus, the burden of fear and worry about the future will disappear ! When ever I feel depressed, I recite the Lords Prayer , depression faids away and I feel free again .

Rose

Thanks all for you information nice to know I am not alone,I will try some of your advice ,I have a illnes that is long term on medication for the rest off my life this is why I asked this question as it get my down quite often now I feel there is hope when I read you information thanks. Rose

rosy@kempsey

Hello Rose, there are some helpful and thoughtful replies here, I would add, if there is a U3A in your area, contact them, they have a website, you will find friends and something to interest you there. Also, check with your local council, lots of them organise activities for seniors through Government sponsored programs, even in rural areas, there are outings, fellowship with likeminded people, and lots of enjoyment. Libraries these days offer lots more than b
ooks, very best wishes with your endeavours....xox PS have your heard of Telecross, a service available through Australian Red Cross, very worthwhile..

sweetsunshine

Hi Rose, just wanted to say that you've raised a great issue. All the comments to your post shows that people do care and that there are many options out there. You've taken the right step and that is reaching out to others. We all need this interaction with others. YOU are important, YOU do matter and WE do care. Even though i don't seem to have much practical information to share with you at the moment, I just wanted to show I care. Because, I suffer and have suffered from major clinical depression for years and have just (within the last 3 months spoke up about it, got help, although I'm still on unpaid leave) A big hug for you Rose! Make yourself a cuppa, sit down and imagine this vast online community is sharing it with you. Lots of love and sympathy Angelina :-)

keno

love this topic. Have just celebrated my 60th and just wondering "when" are we old? I don't feel 60 other then a few aches and pains which I call growing pains.
Also suffer from agrophobia (fear of going out) if I didn't have my pets and computer would probably "feel" old but can't as I am too busy buying and selling on ebay, discussions like this and the endless sites we have nowadays to make us feel good...My big question is is when are we old?? thank you for the links posted, will be checking them out :) and everyone have a wonderful day.

hellron

Hi Rose.
My mother at 84 gained her PhD at University. She did not see advancing age as a limitation, however others did. At 86 she was president and secretary of various organisations like genealogy and Wetlands groups. She was so busy and loved that her children basically had to make an appointment to visit her for a week. I am 30 years younger and looking forward to my years of retirement so that I can do what I want and basically what I want. In fact, I am excited. I guess I never was beautiful to look at so the aging process hasn't had such a great impact and I have now discovered that I don't care. There are other things more important.
I hope this helps. My advice is to do what you can. Be active. Seek medical help if it is all too much. It is all about how you view the world! My mother has since had a stroke and while recovering is an inspiration to others around her. She already has a new goal to work towards!

Anonymous

Hello Rose - I agree with all the comments made. There are some really good groups you can get in touch with. I feel what is important is that you don't dwell on being old. Stop regretting what you wish you had done but haven't. Remember, yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. This is why we call it the 'present'. OK - so some days you may feel old. On those days relax and enjoy your quiet time. There will be days you feel great. Take advantage of those days by getting out in the sunshine and enjoying the day. Every day may not be great, but there is something good in every day.

DeNiro

Old age is a gradual thing. You're not young 1 day and old the next. Don't worry about it - it's inevitable and there are advantages. Inevitably you'll look in the mirror 1 day and realise you no longer look quite as lovely or as trim as that young lady (was it really you?!) in your wedding photos. Yes your body will slow down too and that can be frustrating but you can still do most if not all of what you want - it just takes longer! You can slow down the latter by regular gentle exercise. If like me you initially hate this idea, then save a shelter dog from death row or offer to walk a neighbour's canine. The pleading look in their big brown eyes as they shift their gaze from you to their idle leash and back again will melt your heart at least once a day, and their obvious joy as they excitedly wag their tail, strain at the leash and sniff everything around will more than compensate for your initial reluctance to get out of your comortable chair. I do half an hour a day and it has done wonders for my blood pressure and pre-diabetes. The biggest advantage of old age is retirement. At last you can devote most of your time to what you WANT to do rather than what you HAVE to. I retired about 2 years ago and have never been busier. Whatever your hobbies and interests are - expand on them. Check out your local U3A and community house - they have all sorts of interesting groups and classes. If you haven't yet learnt the basics of computer usage and these places can't help, then your local library can. Learning how to search the internet is invaluable for finding local groups who follow your interests whether they be tennis or Scrabble or whatever. You don't have to buy a computer - the library allows you to book theirs by the hour. Finally - complaining about what you can't change only leads to depression and this will reduce your enjoyment of everything good in your life. So make the best of whatever stage of life you're at.

Dot

I hope you're not having health problems Rose. If you are well enough to pursue some interests like gardening, charity work, etc. it helps. My Mum lived until the age of 97 - still caring for herself in her own home. Her theory was to 'get out of the house' and she hated being idle. I don't think I have her energy though !

MTD

Rose , to me it depends on what you consider old. I am 69 and essentially "retired". I worked long and hard for many years, had a double bypass last year, which ended the work I was doing. No problem, that's life, except for the fact that I discovered after recovering that I had nothing to do, I worked so long and hard that I forgot life continuous later when you stop what you are doing. Motivation is a big issue when there is no goal and the sooner a new life(style) is created, the sooner life becomes enjoyable again. This is just a small part of my experience,. Do I consider myself old? Not yet. How do you cope I think depends on each individual and what they are able to make of it.

Lilibet

Rose , to me it depends on what you consider old. I am 69 and essentially "retired". I worked long and hard for many years, had a double bypass last year, which ended the work I was doing. No...

great attitude MTD. you are only as old as you feel. Some days though you feel every year, but keeping as active and as engaged with family or community as you can possibly manage; will help you stay on top of the feeling of getting older. I'm sure that you have many gifts to share with others now that you are no longer able to work in the areas that used to dominate your life.

anna

I would definitely try all those links mentioned. If any queries, go through the links or put them on here, I am sure there are people who would love to help! Good luck!

Hartmut

Other than the 'normal' health and advice books on aging, it may also help to find out what we really are and what our purpose might be as human beings.
To investigate, to study, to learn, to discover that we are eternal spiritual beings which can never die - or age, may be useful to those who are depressed by aging or who are fearful of death.

Hartmut

Rose, what Hartmut is saying is very true. If you are healthy and your feelings come from a fear of growing old then this is good advice,
Joining a group that does Yoga, Meditation, or any...

Hi Rose,
Raksha is right, joining any group which is looking inwards, or towards higher levels, other that the pure physical one, can be a great help in understandings ones purpose of living.
Also Raksha's advice of putting the focus on others, by supporting or helping them will minimize whatever real or imagined fears and uncertainties one may have.
Ageing of itself is not a problem, merely another valuable lesson or experience in our eternal journey.

Raksha

Other than the 'normal' health and advice books on aging, it may also help to find out what we really are and what our purpose might be as human beings.
To investigate, to study, to learn, to...

Rose, what Hartmut is saying is very true. If you are healthy and your feelings come from a fear of growing old then this is good advice,
Joining a group that does Yoga, Meditation, or any form of looking inside yourself helps with the feelings of fear of becoming useless.
If you belong to a church or community group, this also can help you feel that you are important to others.
You never know, you might find that you have a wonderful skill that can help others in your community.

abbg

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules.

Lynstar007

Thanks for your reply as you can see not to many people care to chat about getting old or like to help someone who is elderly to find help with coping with life ,

Dear Rose,

You have two options submit or fight back. Myself personally, I fight everyday with the following:

1. Diet is the most important thing as you grow older If you glow from the inside it will eventually shine on the outside.
With me I cut out the following:
Bread, eggs, cheese and alot of red meat
Might seem extreme but I replaced them with the following:
Cruskits light are not as heavy as bread which is supposed to be packed with fibre depending on what type of bread you have.
If you don't want to cut out eggs only have the white of the egg not the yolk.
Replaced cheese with cottage cheese which is alot lighter.
Red meat I only have once a week and have replaced alot of my meals with fish, chicken and vegetarian meals.
As for skin care a good moisturiser. Does not have to be expensive but make sure it has SP30 plus and avoid the sun between 10 -2 pm during the day.
Water, water, water flushes the system out and is good for a number of complaints.
Alcohol comsumption should be limited to 2 - 3 glasses a week.
If you want to have a drink Have a good red wine or a glass of port
Witch hazel which you can buy at the supermarket for about six dollars is wonderful for around the eyes and reduces puffiness.
Exercise is wonderful. Even if you go for a short walk or gardening.
Stress is a killer for any age So try deep breathing and relaxation techniques.
I hope this helps but eventually we all get older so it is how you except it.

abbg

Thanks for your reply as you can see not to many people care to chat about getting old or like to help someone who is elderly to find help with coping with life ,

Rose this is my specialised area and having worked in aged care for over 35 years I still have a very strong passion for it. Infact www.familyagedcare.com is my web site and I an now about to launch a coaching service around the site. If I can help you further please contact me via the site

Rose

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules.

Thanks for your reply as you can see not to many people care to chat about getting old or like to help someone who is elderly to find help with coping with life ,