Have You Been Discrminated at anytime in your life?
Posted by: lonelyleg62
24th Mar 2011 03:17pm
I'm 48 years of age and have been disabled since 1998, I'm an above knew right leg amputee have severe diabetes and also have MS, however I'm finding myself that since I became wheelchair bound people now treat me differently, ie: when I go out to eat with friends or carers, the staff at the establishment will not speak to me directly until either my friends or carer speak up for me.
Let me know what you think and whether its happened to you.
lonelyleg62
Let me know what you think and whether its happened to you.
lonelyleg62
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Comments 37
Missyturtlesloth
Hi, well i am deaf with bilateral cochlear implants, and have low vision so yes o do get treated differently, sometimes in a way which isn't necessarily bad but there are times when i have come across the most shocking behaviour in the way that people talk to me, assuming that because of my (i hate the word disability that feels like discrimination in itself) differences. One example is that I was looking forward to getting my new kitten last year and whilst talking about it was told by another person that i shouldn't be allowed to have pets (or children) as he thought i would step on her since i couldn't see her and she would die. That was really quite nasty as I still have existing sight and even if i didn't, that has no bearing on my ability to care for her, nor is it the kind of thing you say to someone, ever. I do feel that when it comes to disabilities, gender, race, sexual orientation etc there is too much discrimination in the world, and i have experienced a LOT in several of these areas and so have so many others.... It really needs to stop.
bulldogbobby
hi my wife has also lost a lleg and we have constant trouble parking as peole that use there mothers parking park in our bay and at present we trouble with woolworths street central mandurah who cut the parking from 3-to 2and further a way from the door but nobody want to fix it it is just gread
Lenmontano
Hi! Here's my story
http://lenmontano.wordpress.com/2013/07/24/according-to-color/
skydancer12
Hey Lonelyleg 62, another short note. I call myself a 'PERSON'', not a 'DISABLED PERSON'!!
TAKE CARE AND GOOD LUCK!! KEEP SMILING MATE!
skydancer12
Hey Lonelyleg 62,
I too have a so-called 'disability', mine because I had a stroke 8 years of age, this left me paralyzed down one side of my body! I am about to have my left foot amputated and as of the last four years have been in a 'chair'! I refuse to call myself 'disabled' rather I call myself inconvenienced as I believe disability to be state of mind rather that physical limitations. I too sometimes feel a little frustrated by others but remind myself their blind-sightedness is their 'disability'; put a smile on my dial and refuse to feel put down. My worst information was learning due to the paralysis I could never have my own children. Oh by the way I am 56 years old now and worked up until four years ago.
Lonelyleg62, don't allow yourself to feel 'disabled', I've found the vast majority of people to be so very helpful and friendly.
pietam6
everyone is discriminated against in some form or another. I have multiple chronic medical and
psychiartric conditions. Hold your head up high! Your experience and life is unique, you are your expert, and no-one has the right to infringe on that. People with no imagination or empathy are the sad 'judges' of life. Pity them...for they know no better! When you speaking of people not talking to you, it is very annoying and you do feel discounted, but always speak up! No-one is ever going to learn through silence.
ZARA
I am 65 and ha e experienced age discrimination - very uncomfortable - but to think you have been discriminated because of your disabilities is disgraceful
chookybo
Hi lonelylegs62, yes I have been discriminated against because I am in the older age group. I would frequently go into a shop and I be ignored by the shop assistants because they consider older people aren't worth serving. But let a young person come into the shop and they are all over that person whilst I am left waiting. I walked out of one shop saying in a loud voice "well, you can't complain about the service in this shop because there isn't any" to dirty looks from the shop assistants who I tried to get to serve me. I patiently waited whilst three of them had a discussion and was rather annoyed when a young person came in and one of them immediately rushed over to help her whilst the other two walked off, totally ignoring me even though the woman at the desk had told me to go over to them.
Recently, I too became disabled and need a walking stick to help me walk. Now the story is different. Shop assistants come over to help me, people open doors for me and pick up things when I drop them - very much appreciated by me.
Formally, I too was involved with disabled people and strongly believe that just because the body is a problem it does not mean that the mind is not clear and productive. Disabled people, especially those who are younger, need and should be treated with dignity not abuse.
fay
I fully understand that happening....I had an operation on my neck ( small bandage at base of neck so no where near as obvious as your being in a wheelchair)and when I went to a butcher shop with my friend the day after I came out of hospital, the butcher would only talk to her and refused to look at me !!!! That included when I gave him the order, the money and then gave her the parcel and change !!!! I have no idea why, probably their own insecurities !!!
phoenix
Not to the same degree however when I say i'm on a pension (only 30 something years old) when asked what I do when looking for employment they say "pensioners don't look for work they retire from it" very not happy
leurina
I am 40 also a diabetic, but I was also born with scoliosis and was then involved in an accident which has now left me with 4 damaged vertebrae in my spine, while some days I am okay other days I can barely move, I have nerve damage due to the diabetes and arthritus in my neck from the whiplash, sometimes I use a wheelchair on other days I can use a walker and you would be amazed how differently people treat you, on crutches everyone wants to know what happened, in the chair everyone looks over you as if you do not exist. mind you one day in the waiting room at the doctors someone else in a wheelchair accused me of being rude to them and it was simply because I could not bend my back that day and had to lean against a wall in the waiting room, so we can all be percieved as having different motivations than we do.
lonelyleg62
Sorry to hear all that Leurina, there are people out there that can be very nasty towards others, regardless of the situation, did you tell them that you had a sore back and could not bend it?
I know saying I hope things will improve for you won't help, but I genuinely do hope all is well with you now.
God Bless lonelyleg62
Maximus
I'm 56 year old stroke survivor, survived with one side of my body paralysed and brain damage, which means I'm no longer the person I was. I get discriminated against constantly, especially when it comes to employment. People always what to assume I can't rather than let's give him a go. I hate their assumptions. All made worse cause of my age.
It sux big time that people think they have any right to treat another person by their personal assumptions.
lonelyleg62
Hello Maximus, I'm only 48 and lost my job when I got ill, it's now been 4 years since I had a job, and even with assistance from places like CRS or any other of the numerous companies out there that get paid to assist disabled people back into the work force, it's a no winner.
I've gone out physically in my wheelchair and with handful of resumes/CV's and went door knocking on businesses all to no avail, so your not on your own. Again unfortunately assumptions over take common sense and many business's out there did not have the decency to send a thank you note saying I had been declined.
I however did call the companies back only to be told that they believed I could not fulfill the jobs requirements.
Even with the use of only one hand I still type faster than most women younger than me, but I still try, so hopefully one day things will change.
I do hope that you have not given up, only time will tell if things will improve for both of us, but keep your chin up and smile as often as you can, you would be surprised what that can achieve.
God Bless lonelyleg62
Goulah
I am very hard of hearing and until I got my hearing aids I was treated as intellectually challenged, ignored and had people joke about it. It is now easier to laugh off but it can be quite hurtful, especially when it happens at work and your manager swears at you.
lonelyleg62
Good on you hon, keep up the great work.
God Bless lonelyleg62
Goulah
Yes thank you.
I have managed to "convert" a few people to the word of hearing aids and the benefits of being able to hear things well for the first time in my life in "middle age".
lonelyleg62
Thank you for your comments Goulah, I'm sorry to hear about the way people treated you before you got your hearing aids, but hopefully things are much improved these days for you.
God Bless lonelyleg62
Goulah
You will definitely find that you are treated as a second-class citizen. For some ungodly reason many people think that with your physical disability that you have become intellectually impaired. You could say a double whammy.
MandMm
Calamity, that's an excellent point. When shop assistants are ignoring you (which is extreemely rude) they are just doing it because they are afraid of something a bit different, or afraid of putting in the effort to talk to you. It's exactly the same as when they ignore you, you not speaking up and saying, 'Hi, I would appreciate you talking directly to me' . As perhaps you feel that may cause friction or a problem. It's the same hesitation on both sides. We are all scared of things that seem a bit different, but once we take a step or a chance, it makes everyone more relaxed, and it's much easier the next time. Keep positive and always try to change a negative into a positive :)
lonelyleg62
Hello sigrew1, thank you for your comments, they are appreciated, but there is only so many times that one can hit their heads on the proverbial brick wall before giving up.
Sometimes its just easier to let someone else talk for you or things could get a little heated.
God Bless lonelyleg62
mysteron347
I spent some months volunteering at a disabilities support charity rebuilding microcomputers to be used by disabled people.
Some "customers" were a joy - the ones you went out of your way for - those who were prepared to work within their disability.
Then there were the real pains - the ones who would mysteriously go deaf or throw temper-tantrums whenever they didn't get their own way. This group was the one most keen on their "rights" (which translates to "your obligations" - and as a volunteer, I actually didn't have any obligations to them...) and was generally demanding, disruptive and LOUD in their protestations.
Then there was the two people who were supposed to be aiding in the work, accompanied by their respective carers. Unfortunately, they were a disruptive influence, insisting that things be done their way and not able to understand that their way meant the work had to be undone and redone properly. The carers were there to care, and simply sat around watching the negative work the disabled person was doing.
The point here is that whereas the disabled people were trying their best, they were actually hindering the work, and the exercise was effectively a weekly excursion for the entertainment of two selected people.
And speaking directly to a disabled person could produce unexpected results. They may be deaf, or unaccountably aggressive or have an obsession about being addressed through their carer. You weren't allowed to be informed what their disability actually was (privacy) and hence learned to communicate through the carer. I'd suggest that one bad experience - and being hauled over the coals for not being psychic - could cause this 'not speak directly' behaviour. It is likely that waiters have more-than-average contact with disabled people - and nowadays, one bad experience is sufficient excuse for a whole new volume of staff rules and regulations - written or not.
So have I been discriminated against? Well, I've been effectively unemployed for 10 years after 30 years' taxpaying. In my industry, most jobs are arranged by agents - increasingly so in the past 15 years.
The agents have found that they can entice people from overseas with the comparatively high payrates locally and hence no longer actively advertise here, just import the next batch of hopefuls with the nod of the government. The agent typically makes their money from the difference between the contracted-out price of say $80 per hour and the contractor's pay of $20 per hour (very attractive to a person who can expect to be paid $7 per hour "at home")
So the agents import people with six weeks training as "fully qualified" and the government equates that with a four-year local degree course. When the 2-year "PR" (Permanent Residence") qualifying period is complete, the contractor is encouraged to go on the dole and a new recruit comes in in their place - because that is in the AGENT's financial interest.
So when I wrote to the minister asking which companies had vacancies demanding a skill that I have but had suddenly appeared on the MODL (Migrant Occupations Demand List) despite not having been advertised in Australia, I got a reply exclusively about how these migrants 'fit in well with our society.' No mention of what I asked - which companies want this job to be done?
And of course, with 40 years' experience under my belt, I'm not going to be nominated to a position by an agent who can make more money by putting forward a "new grad" with lower salary expectations and who will be on the contract longer because of inexperience - both of which add up to more money in the agents' pockets.
And since I was foolish enough as to invest my money in this country rather than financing the local bookmaker, publican or pusher, I now have assets which preclude me from getting any financial support. And since I don't get the dole, the agents have no incentive to assist me to find a job - they'd rather keep appropriate jobs under their hats in the hope of making more money from someone newly-qualified.
And the one job I did have for about six months - well, the lying "new grad" in that position made sure she took every opportunity to contrive some ridiculous accusation based around the 'discrimination' excuse. If I said she had a 'brand-spanking new degree' she'd complain that I'd said she had a 'new spanking degree' and that was sexual.....zzzzz. Gave up on that job since her husband was my boss.
So - misapplied discrimination? Yes, I've been a victim - and it's made me a discrimination-cynic.
lonelyleg62
Thank you for your comments mysteron347, I'm very sorry to hear that you have gone through all that and that you now have problems getting work.
Unfortunately even here in WA there are everyday Aussies getting left behind in the job market because they are taking in semi skilled workers from overseas. I believe about 70 % of workers in the care industry are now semi skilled workers from overseas, which is discussing.
But then you get the pollies saying that there are too many people out of work now and too many on the dole, I'd like to see one of them compete against those that get paid less per hour.
I hope that by now you've found another job and that things are going well for you.
God Bless lonelyleg62
ValmaL
Remember as you enter "these" places you are the paying customer and if not happy can say so. My mother lived till she was 96 and I found while escorting her to Medical appointments etc sometimes I was the one spoken too and not her so I gently said you ask my mother and she has good hearing as they tended to talk loudly to her. So perhaps who is with you could do the same.
Don't let it deter you as you need a life. Cheers Valma
lonelyleg62
Thank you for your comments Valma, I don't let much deter me these days, it's only my body that's letting me down, not my brain.
God Bless lonelyleg62
Anonymous
I am so sorry for how you have been treated, unfortunately some peolple out there think that poeple in wheelchairs and with other conditions have had their brains removed......sad but true isn't it, i can see that your brain is fully functional so use it, perhaps with a bit of humour.....
lonelyleg62
Thank you for your comment T.L.C, its better to laugh at some peoples stupidity or one cries, so I make a lot of jokes, but in all seriousness, this sort of thing just should not happen in today's society.
God Bless lonelyleg62
Miss Prim
I think that is disgusting you have discriminated against and it shows how shallow real people are towards you. My brother has been in a wheel chair since an accident in 1984 and is now 48 and has never had this problem. He is a friendly outgoing person with lots of friends and self employed. Try speaking up for yourself and say I am not dumb please address me and look at me when you speak to me. It is rude for people to ignore you and not look directly at you when speaking to you. Your carers and friends should take a step back and say that you can speak for yourself. Don't let them do it for you, be independent and speak for yourself. You have the same right as anybody else. So go on give it a try and good luck!
Miss Prim
Maybe your friends and carers should not speak up for you and just nod and look at you and say he is the person you need to talk to not us. If this was done consistently surely people would soon get the message if you were the only one talking. It's worth a try. Good luck.
lonelyleg62
Thank you Calamity, my friends and carers do speak up for me by telling the wait person that I can speak for myself, however sometimes no amount of direction to some of these people makes any difference and it's easier to just let one of them order my food. But I do try and speak up for myself as much as possible.
Take care and thank you again for your comment.
God Bless lonelyleg62
luckaholic
I think people can be scared of your condition for whatever reason.
I have been discriminated against purely because I look like a healthy young person. One day after an awful dialysis treatment, I had to get the bus home and I sat in the seat nearest to the front as I was not feeling good and just wanted to sit down. Because Im young, people assume Im normal. An elderly lady got onto the bus(she was more than able to walk) and poked me in the leg with her walking stick, as if to say "do you mind that seat is not reserved for young people like you". I was so unwell I did not have the energy to say anything to her, so I moved to another seat. What annoyed me was she was too lazy to ask politely if I wouldnt mind moving, so poked me and gave me a dirty look. If she is able to lift her walking stick to poke people, then she cant be that unabled.
19chris51
I can understand where you all are coming from, my son has a disability SPA,
at this point in time he still looks reasonably healthy, he is quite young looking 35, and is in a wheel chair,to see him sit at a table or whatever he looks as if nothing is wrong with him,if he does not have to walk a great distance he tries to walk, my problem is that people have shouted abuse at him for driving into a disabled park, (possible because he physically looks ok) but thats not the point, he gets very frustrated, it is not good being youngish, needing to do these things, then people being rude, (9 times out of 10 its older people) I`m sorry to say a lot of people (mainly older), are very VERY RUDE, and guess what I am one of those older people, but not rude
lonelyleg62
Hello Luckaholic, I'm very sorry to hear of what you have been going through, unfortunately I find the elderly think its their right to have all the comforts in the world never mind that some out there need a little extra help too.
If you come across another elderly person that just starts to prod and poke you, speak up for yourself, explain that you are undergoing treatment, you are not well and would that person please be able to find another seat other than the one you are occupying.
Also just explain that you do not like being prodded and poked with their cane, and that a friendly word goes much further than a piece of wood, and of course staying calm and all the time being polite.
Good luck with your future treatments, God Bless
Kindest regards lonelyleg62
lonelyleg62
Hi Sky, yes I did think at one stage that it was me, but there is too much proof now to believe that I'm the one with the perception, even my friends and carer have noticed the difference.
In most cases its ignorance and people not thinking before they speak.
ska59
Have you ever thought about yourself has changed. Not your amputee status. " You " Not being rude.
19chris51
You say you are not being rude, it is the way you have posed that question that seems rude, he seems to be making a valid point to me, and I think you would have to experience it to understand,and of course he would have changed, probably because of his changed statis
Toni
Hi ska59. I don't really get what you are trying to point out here. Fine, you said you are not being rude in your response, BUT I think your response was so insensitive. What do you mean by saying that lonelyleg62 has changed???. Physically? Emotionally - the way he/she feels? Mentally - the way way he/she thinks??? That statement can be interpreted in so many ways. Pardon me if I feel offended for the poster of this discussion. My husband has MS as well and slightly disabled. I think there is always a better way to say things taking into consideration the feelings of others.
Lonelyleg62, I believe that there are people who are not sure on how to approach you or talk to you, that's why they talk straight to your friends or carers. Please don't get offended. Just try your best to make sure that you express yourself in a natural and graceful manner - I think that's the best way to enjoy whatever life brings. If for instance the waitress approaches your carer and ask for your order, simply look straight to the waitress, smile and do the talking and order what you want...Make sure as well that your carer knows how you feel, so they will let you do things or do the talking which they don't need to do for you. Be happy always and God bless.